FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

3,321 - 3,330 of 3,920

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury I think it is very fair that in this instance, you feel quite determined - being committed and wanting to see things through is a good quality to have!! You obviously care about your teammates, and fairness too.

I wonder if it's worth reflecting on how rigidly you do this though, i.e. are there other examples you can think of where committing (one could even call it over-committing) to something has ended up being detrimental?

It sounds like the thought of disappointing others is a theme that you could unpack too. Sometimes in life, we do have to disappoint other people - it's not a personal failing, it's the nature of being complex creatures with different, and fluctuating, needs.

Perhaps your teammates would be more disappointed to know that you had been pushing so hard that it was no longer fun, than they would be about you pulling out. Often when we disappoint people in this sort of way, it is mitigated by the fact that they are also glad to know we are putting our needs first, and looking after ourselves. It's also not our job to manage others' feelings, or make sure everyone else is feeling good about us all the time.

Would it be worth chatting to them, maybe after the game or after the season ends, about how you've been feeling?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

There are plenty of examples @Jynx big and small ones. It's really really common for me. And I am really rigid with it - I made a commitment to someone else, then I have to follow it through even if it is detrimental to myself.

I drove three hours to an event, did a four hour event then drove three hours home, feeling incredibly sick, because I committed to being the photographer to help a friend save money. It was a volunteer thing.

I stuck it out as a teacher for two years when I was completely burnt out to the point of being S. I showed up for work every day because I had committed to seeing a year through and I didn't want to let my class down.

I went to work the day after my Grandad's passing, feeling like I shouldn't be at work, because I didn't want my absence to impact the work load of the other teachers and staff.

As I said, there are plenty of examples.

I really really hate when people are disappointed in me. Or when I feel like I've let other people down. The biggest example of this is what happened in QLD.

I moved to QLD in 2023. I wanted to experience life in another state, meet new people, enjoy the warmer weather a little more, and live in amongst another state's culture. I was also burnt out and S and needed something to change. I moved in with a friend who had just moved from another state, to QLD. It was apparent straight away that we weren't a good match to live together. I had to shrink so much, to avoid upsetting her because when she was upset, she made living there hard. She would slam door, swear, make lots of noise. She would threaten to let Luna out of the back yard and if she went missing, she went missing. It got to the point where I struggled to come out of my room. We talked about it one day and she outright told me that I was not what she expected. And that...that crept into my brain and I started to blame myself for everything. It was my fault her behaviour when she was angry triggered me, it was my fault I wasn't communicating with her, it was my fault I couldn't be the friend that she needed. I was disappointing her, just by being myself and so...I stopped being myself. I shrunk, I withdrew further into myself and into my bedroom while in the mean time, I tried to fix me. I had sessions with a friend who was a relationship coach on communicating better and on having tough conversations. But nothing I changed about myself was enough, I continued to not meet her expectations, to disappoint her. It got to the point where she asked me to leave. So, I did. I used the money my family sent me for Christmas and the money I was saving for the bond of my own rental and I came home. I spent 13 months living like that. I felt stuck, I felt powerless and everday was a reminder that something within me wasn't enough for someone else, that I was a disappoinment.

The impact this has had on me has been huge.

@AuntGlow tagging you because we've talked around QLD too at times.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I thought you were on a break from study because of the Easter? @NightFury Don't you get a break? Still more assignments?

It's been raining a lot here in Melb. Did you get to go to lawn bowls?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

We don't really get a break @tyme or I don't. I'm behind in my study and really need to use the extra few days off to get it under control.

There's always on assignment to work on. This one's due on the 12th of April.

No rain here today. We did play, we lost so our season is finally finished.

Has your week slowed down any?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

We have Easter coming up so I'll be going on leave after Easter @NightFury

Taking the kids camping.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I hope you have a great time camping @tyme

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I hope it's not raining this time. Last time we went camping, it was raining so everything was muddy... I hate the cleaning up after. Sleeping in the tent with rain is nice though @NightFury

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

The sound of rain on the tent is awesome @tyme but the mud and the mess and general dampness of everything makes it uncomfortable.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hello lovely!

How have you been? @NightFury 🥰

I know our last conversation was around processing change and cognitive overload - I am curious to know how this is sitting with you at the moment?

I can absolutely hear and resonate with what you're sharing about friendships ending and how isolating that can feel. It is really, really tough when they end without proper explanation or discussion too.

I wonder what would be healing for the QLD part of you to hear or experience right now?

Do you have any updates around Recovery Club?

Awww Luna. Butter wouldn't melt. 🫶

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @AuntGlow

I have been a little better this week than last week. I just feel...exhausted. And a little frustrated with myself. I'm behind on my studies and I can't muster the motivation to engage and to actually get stuff done.

The changes around work are sitting more comfortably now. I feel less overwhelmed with it all. I am learning a lot and I still have a lot to learn.

I think the QLD part of me...just needs to be heard and felt and acknowledged. I...I haven't even acknowledged the full story of what happened with my family. All they know is that I came home because I was feeling home sick.

I hear yesterday re the Recovery Club. It's sorted and that in itself is a big relief.

3,321 - 3,330 of 3,920