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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury oh nice one, proud of you for doing the thing hun!! I hope it helped reassure you and that you felt held and heard.

It sounds like she wants to be super supportive of your needs and of where you're at - and it sounds like it's not unheard of for people to encounter challenges along the way. Kudos for the perseverance, I know it's been a hard slog.

Ooh nice, 3 day weekend! Any plans?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you @Jynx

I felt those things but I also felt...complex.

I have bowls prelim final on Saturday, I have to mow my lawn, and catch up with some study stuff. I have a big assignment due on the 12th and it's overwhelming me. Because it's overwhelming and feels like a lot, my brain is like..."nope, we not do this thing." I have a GP appointment on Monday. So, I have bits and pieces to do over the weekend.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury Mm I get how that can be frustrating/overwhelming to think about. That perhaps your recovery may be a longer or more winding path. It is amazing how far you've already come though since you first joined the forums. And perhaps it means you will reach greater depths of self-insight than many people ever achieve, and you may be able to use that to support others too, along the way.

Ach, sucks to hit that internal wall, hey. Sometimes even just re-reading the assignment can help!

Are you excited about the bowls game? Best of luck hey! 😊

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It's frustrating @Jynx

Sometimes it takes someone to remind you to stop and consider how far you've already come, because I tend to just try and move forward, I don't often look at how far I've travelled.

I'm not really excited about bowls no. I feel bad for feeling this way - but I'm excited for the season to be over and done with. It's one less commitment, and I get my Saturdays back.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury totally - sometimes it's like we get tunnel-vision hey, so I'm to provide a little prompt to reflect 😊 I think it's why spaces like this can be so beneficial - getting the opportunity for others to bear witness to our growth.

I'm excited for you to get your Saturdays back!! Do you think you feel bad for being happy about the ending because of like, feelings of letting down your team, or feeling like you should be enjoying it, or is it something else?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx I think it's a bit of both.

I feel bad because I'm letting down my team. My heart's not in it any more. I don't have the same enthusiasm, the same passion, the same...drive as they do. They want to make the grand final and I'm playing to see the season over and done with and that's not fair to them.

And I also feel like it's something that I should be enjoying. I have enjoyed lawn bowls in the past, but now, I don't really enjoy it. Not last Saturday, but the Saturday before...I literally had tears because I had to get out of bed in the morning to go and play bowls when all I wanted was a quiet, calm, commitment free Saturday morning where I could read and take things slowly.

I should have that fire and drive to win this game to make the grand final, to then win grand final and then to compete against the North and the Northwest for the state premiership. But...I don't, I do not have that fire in my belly and I should.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury lotta 'shoulds' in your post... sounds like your gut is telling you something.

Also maybe you feel a sense of obligation? Not wanting to let your team down and also an internal obligation of 'I should be enjoying this...'

Is there anything stopping you from withdrawing from the competition? Like if you don't play the team forfeits?

Could be worth weighing it up for yourself - would it be letting your team down more to withdraw, or to force yourself to play and potentially throw the game? Is it worth giving it one more crack to see if the fire ignites?

Would your teammates want anyone on the team to be forcing themselves to be there if they're not having fun? It may feel like high stakes with it being a prelim final, but it is also a game, meant to be enjoyed.

I guess a big question to ask yourself - do you feel a bunch of relief at the thought of not continuing the rest of the season? Just because you aren't enjoying it now doesn't mean you never will again. Might just mean that you need a break, so you can focus inward and rest.

As in all things - put yourself first 💜

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

A big sense of obligation, I think @Jynx I don't like back tracking on my commitments and I don't like it when people do it to me. Once I commit to something I have to see it through.

I can't withdraw from tomorrow's game, unless it's an emergency, now. My team mates would have to play one short and that's not fair to them.

I just...I'm trying to get myself through to the end of this season. If we lose tomorrow, we are out and our season's finished. If we win, we play the weekend after Easter in the grand final.

My team mates would not want me to have to force myself to play, and that's what I've been doing for a couple of weeks now. I'm not playing after the finals, I already know that.

And yes, the idea of not playing gives me a whole lot of relief. But it's relief for the end of the season because then I'm not letting anyone else down or not fulfilling something I committed to doing. I can stop and I'm not disappointing anyone else.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Woohoo @NightFury ! What's the 3 day weekend looking like for you? Then there's Easter on Friday, right? I'm so lost, I don't even know what's happening with days and times!

Happy FriYay!

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @tyme I love your enthusiasm for Friday.

My weekend is looking like a typical weekend for me. I have lawn bowls on Saturday. On Sunday I need to study and get cracking on an assignment. I have a GP appointment on Monday and I need to mow the lawns at some stage.

And yes, Easter on Friday. I have a three day weekend, three working days and then a four day weekend because of Easter publoc holidays.

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