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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thinking of you @NightFury

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work


@NightFury wrote:

@tyme how are you? How are you going with Smiling Minds?


Oh no! Thanks for keeping me accountable! I forgot about Smiling Mind! I will do it tonight!

What about you? Only last weekend, I set a challenge for someone else to aim for a 30 days streak on Smiling Mind.

Maybe I need to stir up my competitive spirit in order to stay focused on this goal too?

Thanks for the reminder!

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hey @NightFury, sorry for my late reply 🙈. How’s your week been? Nearly Friday 🎉


oh that’s awesome about your friend, I’ve heard a lot about reiki- just never done it myself. It does interest me too.

I hope you enjoy the show, how does it work do they select people at random to participate or people before hand? I’d get anxious they would pick me that not sure I could go 🤭😂

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Work from home was successful! @Jynx I got a lot done and went for a school visit. I even took a longer lunch break and used the time to go to lawn bowls training. I worked for half an hour longer to cover it. It was nice, but probably not something I could do every day because it's also kind of weird in that...there's no travel time or break to slow my brain down afterwards. I ended up spending 20 minutes laying on the loungeroom floor listening to an audio book, which eventually diverted my thoughts away from work stuff and I could relax.

I actually get headaches a lot - like a couple times a week. I was told that they were stress related. Cluster headaches are painful but no, I haven't actually talked to a GP or anything about them, so I don't have any medication.

It feels like I'm always over thinking so...I guess I don't really have an outlet. Reading actually helps, because...when I read, I think the words if that makes sense. I have a reading voice in my head that thinks the words. I remember being really taken aback when I heard that not everyone has that. It's like a narrator in my head. It's the same with my thoughts and I've discovered that I can't concentrate on both at the same time. Reading quiets the thoughts if it's something I'm super interested and engaged in.

I got an image of you ranting into your phone app. It make me grin.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @tyme

You're welcome.

I manged to get 30 days out of a month and a half on Smiling Minds. Then I switched to Insight Timer and have just started with a 6 day streak, that I broke last night.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

No need to apologise @Chasingsunsets I wasn't really around and talkative yesterday. We get to things when we get to things. My week's been...different, what about yours?

I don't know how these guys work. I know that my friend does just pick people at random. He goes where the energy flows so to speak. It'll be interesting to see someone else in action to see how different people do it.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury oh wow, sounds like a super productive day! Glad you did find a way to wind down, I think floor-time and an audiobook is a fab way to do so!

Headaches are rough, and can be cos of all sorts of things. Potentially worth a mention next time you get in to see a health professional, because I imagine they could also contribute to stress levels if they're that frequent.

Yeah strange to think about how some people don't have any kind of internal monologue!! I am so glad that reading is something that gives you reprieve 😊 And helps your brain, too!

I have heard this 'mind' described as a tool (I think by Alan Watts?) - something that is useful for thinking, and can be honed; however if it is allowed to 'run the show' it can become a very anxious experience to be inside our own heads. But we can learn to change our thoughts!

Very happy to know that I made you grin 😁💜

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx do you sometimes feel like talking about things in therapy stirs everything up and then symptoms get worse?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I think that can be super normal @NightFury especially if you're delving into unprocessed trauma. Something to reflect on (over time) might be whether it's after every appt or just from time to time; do you also feel better or feel like you're able to put things into practice and notice improvements; does your psych hold space for helping you to regulate so you're not leaving appts in a distressed state. It could be worth discussing with your psych if you are concerned about the feelings, or if they're persistent for example.

But coming out of an appt feeling very fragile, overwhelmed, or even a bit odd, is pretty normal I think. Processing takes time 💜

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I hear you. @Jynx

I don't know if I can explain properly because I don't understand what it is or what happens.

I was talking to a therapist from the OCD course that I'm doing. It's an online program. She asked me when I first remembered having my OCD symptoms and I was talking about how it was around the same time as my night terrors that I used to have as a child, started. We unpacked it a little. I used to get in trouble for having them...for being loud, for waking everyone else up, for being emotional...and so my brain came up with a way to cope.

That night...I had my first night terror (or whatever happens) for a long lone time and it's rattled me good and proper.

TW: Night terrors

Content/trigger warning
I was both asleep and awake. I jumped out of bed because...because in my head the walls of the bedroom were closing in on me. I knew I was physically standing by my bed. I knew that I lifted my wrist up and pressed the button on my watch to make some light. I hate the dark when I'm scared. I lifted it up to the roof and down came the last wall right in front of me cutting my room in half. There were no windows, no doors. I could hear Luna sleep breathing on the other side and I was trying so hard to pull myself out of it and wake up because I knew that what I was seeing wasn't real...so it had to be a dream. Both of my calf muscles cramped, my neck cramped and within seconds it ended...I woke up or whatever, heart pounding, absolutely terrified with calf muscles like concrete...standing beside my bed.
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