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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Things are tough here at the moment @AuntGlow

And yes, it's exhausting.

I can only imagine that it would feel incredibly uncomfortable to allow the uncertainty to be there.

Your friend sounds very smart and very supportive of you to ask those questions. It's a really good question. I think I need to try paying attention first, actually exploring and asking myself before journalling or writing about it.

With QLD, it was really big and was really painful and it changed a lot for me. But there are many feelings underneath the thoughts.

I would like to be in some groups again. But, I got an email yesterday to say that I only had four weeks left in Recovery Club. It started a whole downward spiral that was actually kinda worrying. They think it's a glitch in the system, but they're going to confirm that with me hopefully today.

And yes, it's called a Relax Chair. It came vacuum sealed and all squished down and over 48 hours it puffed up to the size it is now. It's very comfortable.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Good evening @NightFury 💛

Sitting with discomfort is never easy, but it is often helpful for managing the unknown. I have had lots of anxious thoughts pop up today too - so we can practice together.

Sometimes it can also be helpful to notice why our anxiety might be present overall. For example, change of season, overall exhaustion, a build up of life stressors, etc. I wonder what could be contributing most for you at the moment?

Of course, I can imagine QLD would come with some complexities. What feeling stands out as the one that needs the most nurturing?
Hmm, okay. Please let me know what they say. I can also follow up for you too, with your permission. 🫶

That's soooo cool! Does Luna like it?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Good morning @AuntGlow

I just think it's to do with all of the change. My brain has a lot to process. There's a lot to process at work with all the new things and new experiences and going into schools and working with people and children in a different role. I think it's a sense of overwhelm, but also cognitive overload.

With QLD...I miss the community of people I had around me. It was small, but it was there. Here...I feel isolated. You know? Most of those people don't reach out any more. They don't check in. At risk of sounding like the song...I'm just someone that they used to know. I'm also the bad guy in a couple of people's story and that doesn't sit well with me because I don't really understand why. As soon as I left the State, all contact with them ceased and these people...they were my friends. One person I chose to cease contact with, the other chose to block me and all I understand the reason to be is because I left.

I don't have any answers to the Recovery Club thing yet. I got an email yesterday saying that they were still following it up and would email me when they had an answer for me. I don't like it. I know that it's only a temporary support, but this is all I have at the moment. It feels like I am going to lose it too.

And Luna loves the chair. I brought it so that I had somewhere comfortable to sit in my loungeroom and I'm still largely sitting on the floor because Luna is in my chair. Lol.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury definitely sounds like good insight!! Sometimes part of recovery is just as much about learning what doesn't work, or what doesn't feel useful, as it is finding what does/is.

Hmm, that sounds a bit frustrating. I do get why they might have wanted to rule out the anxiety stuff first, I think it's one of the lines in the DSM-V that the 'symptoms' have to not have another explanation, if that makes sense. This is your journey though, and if that feels like an important avenue to keep exploring, you are allowed to advocate/push for it a bit, or even seek a second opinion. Especially when the medication for ADHD is known to be really effective.

But of course, it's also potentially a pretty costly thing (both in terms of money and in time, energy, and mental space), so sometimes just focusing on one thing at a time is indeed the better option.

Aww thanks hun, yeah it is hey 💜

How has your week been so far?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I don't have the money to get the assessment done at the moment, so I don't really have a choice @Jynx. I would like to pursue it. It just needs to be at a time when money isn't so tight.

My week has been a mixed bag.

Work has been okay. I feel like I have it under some kind of control now. I'm having my first work from home day tomorrow, which I am looking forward to.

I myself...have been feeling it a little. I haven't been sleeping well, have noticed lots of anxiety of a night and have been waking up with headaches.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hey @NightFury , hearing you. I hope it's okay for you. Sounds like a lot is happening at the moment.

Sounds like you are getting more familiar with work now?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @tyme there's a lot going on.

I am getting more familiar and comfortable with work. I'm starting to understand the complexity on the job too.

How's your week going?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury so valid, and yeah money can be such a huge barrier hey. Really grinds me gears ya know, shouldn't be so costly to go through... but I digress, don't wanna get lost in an angry rant haha.

Oh nice, yes I do love working from home. Pyjamas and all my sensory preferences, makes me happy! Hope you find ways to separate your 'work' space out, it can help having clear divisions between 'work time' and 'home time' - our brains are very context-dependent after all!

Sounds really tough hun. Try to remember that feeling extra anxious and struggling in your feelings more can be a result of poor or lack of sleep - if you find yourself frustrated and questioning what might be going on. Someone posted this recently (I think in Toolshed, but forgive me if you've seen it already!), maybe it can help you figure out the headaches?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I agree with you on the money side of things @Jynx it shouldn't be a barrier to health care or support.

I think I need to keep to like...a work routine. Up early, shower, breakfast, take the dog for a walk...go to work. I think that'll help my brain with the clear division between work time and home time.

I used to have migrains, but now I have a mixture of tension and cluster head aches. This morning was definitely a cluster headache because it was behind my right eye. I think I get headaches too as a symptom - my brain is busy and often overloaded and it works hard. I think anxiety and stress build up, and over thinking contributes.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Totally agree @NightFury or food/accom or any of our basic needs really...

Yeah building a routine definitely helps!! And like, if typically you have commuting time after you finish a shift, it can be a little weird not having that 'wind down time' built into your day. Sometimes I like to finish my work day with a bit of movement, or a cuppa or something, some way of signalling to my brain that it is time to switch off from work-mode!

Oh yikes, I've read that cluster-headaches are quite nasty indeed. Do you have any treatment or medication for them?

Definitely imagine extra stress and anxiety can contribute to symptoms hey. Do you have an outlet or some way of recognising when you're over-thinking, and may need to find a way of slowing the thoughts or diverting them to something more pleasant/positive to think about? I like world-building some fantasy, teehee 😉

Journalling also can help, I get hand-cramps if I try to write when my mind is speedy, plus my brain tends to go faster than I can write, so I've taken to 'voice-note journalling' - basically ranting into my phone app haha.

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