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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hello lovely,

How are you today? 🫶

How is your body and mind feeling?

And how was your weekend saying goodbye? 💛 Been thinking of you. @NightFury

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @AuntGlow

It doesn't matter.

My weekend saying goodbye was beautiful and emotional. Thank you for asking.

I hope you're well?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I understand if you aren't in a place to share, but know that I am happy to listen. 💛 @NightFury

I can imagine... saying goodbye really can be beautiful and emotional. I hope you are able to do something to continue to honour their memory and hold space for your grief over the next couple of weeks.

I can see you have been back to work, how is that sitting?

I am well, thank you for asking. Missing all you lot though! 🥰

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I am really down and really struggling @AuntGlow I can't share though, because it's not very recovery focused. My emotions are everywhere, my thoughts negative and even now...I drove home in tears.

Work is just work. I have more clients now and starting to get busy and really get into the job. Getting out of bed is hard, getting motivated is hard just because of where I'm at currently.

We miss you too. Well...I know I do.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

You're absolutely allowed to share what's going on for you. That's still a part of recovery. @NightFury 🥰

I wonder what these tears are expressing or trying to let you know?

I am so sorry you're feeling this way, it's so much to hold, isn't it? Can you cuddle with Luna tonight and allow your body some rest?

I understand what you mean. It's really hard to connect to work and other things when we are feeling vulnerable. You're allowed to be where you're at. In fact, I encourage it, because pushing against or past our big feelings tends to make them even bigger because they need to work harder for our attention. 💛

🥹

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

My tears are falling because my thoughts are around wanting to give up. I'm safe @AuntGlow I don't mean in that way. I mean...

I feel like I'm doing it all on my own at the moment and I can't...I can't do this on my own. So...the question that's coming up for me is - what's the point?

I came out of a counselling session through the OCD course last night, feeling like...like I'm not being seen or heard or validated. I don't feel like I fit. They're focused on the behavioural side of OCD compulsions, but what if the major compulsions you have are not behavioural? What if they're mental? What if they're things that people can't see? And things that have a huge impact time wise? I feel like...my experience of OCD isn't being validated, in fact, it's feeling a lot like it's being dismissed. That's hard to sit with and I am so confused. I want to give up on it.

But, it feels like the only support I have at the moment.

I'm scared I'm losing the forums as a place where I feel supported, seen, heard and held. I miss the people here that make me feel like that - people like you.

And, I just...struggling to see what the point is. What's the point of putting myself through recovery and through the connstant loss of people, places and spaces where I feel held, understood and supported why when it feels so hard at the moment? And I know and I'm sorry that it's the opposite of recovery focused.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I hear you... 'what's the point' is allowed to be there. This tells me that you're needing support to make these changes and that's perfectly understandable. @NightFury

I really want to validate that some traditional OCD treatments don't delve deep enough into mental compulsions, so I think you're having a very normal reaction to treatments that need some updating. It can truly feel like we don't fit the mould when that happens, but know that you do. So, so many people have felt this way (including myself).

If you have the space, please have a listen to some of the episodes on this woman's podcast. It may be helpful right now: https://kimberleyquinlan-lmft.com/category/podcast/ 🫶

And I completely understand where you are coming from here. Recovery Club will be reopening at the end of the month. Would you consider 1-1's and groups again?

It's truly so hard when you open up, feel safe, and then your supports shift and change. I would feel the exact same as you are right now, especially because I know you have had quite a few positive short-term supports that have ended, which is never easy... let's see what else we can try. What would your ideal support system look like right now? 💛

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I do feel like I don't fit the mould @AuntGlow and that's really disheartening. I feel too complex, too difficult. And I feel so confused about myself - the therapist keeps telling me that my mental rumination, mentally checking, mentally repeating phrases and counting to quieten my brain is a product of my anxiety and not OCD. It makes me feel like I can't distinguish between the two.

I'm still in Recovery Club. I was a member when it shut down to make the changes and I have done two 1:1's and have found them helpful. It's hard to pin point specific things that I need at the moment.

I am needing support. I can acknowledge it. Ideally...it would need to be something that doesn't cost a lot. I don't have a lot of money to spare at the moment. Catholic Ed accidentally messed up their paper work and didn't tick a box that needed to be ticked and now I owe them money because they paid me when they shouldn't have and I just thought it was holiday pay. I am earning less money in my new job, so I am trying to adjust to that. I also have been struggling with chasing the good feels that can come with buying new things...and haven't been very responsible so...it's partially my fault.

I would just like to be able to talk. To talk about whatever's coming up for me. Something gentle and validating and doesn't make me feel like I'm too hard, like I'm too complex. Someone who sees me and a whole and not...not my individual diagnoses. I need someone who treats me, and not single parts of me because those parts are so very woven together and interconnected. My anxiety, my OCD, my depression isn't something that's seperate it's all a part of each other. I need something regular, that also does later appointments for after work hours.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hey @NightFury, just wanted to come by and say hi 😊, I haven’t been on the forum really but wanted to let you know I still have been thinking of how you are going and how work is going for you.
It really sucks about the overpayment that’s happened to me before and then got an email stating a year ago I was over paid, the worst part about it is that the money had already been accounted for and spent then all of a sudden a debt from no fault of my own. I honestly think we should get to keep it, there error not ours yet ends up being our burden, definitely not fair and challenging.

I hear you re needing other support, I found myself in this space recently and still there💚, sitting with you 🙏

How’s your monthly activity going? Have you got any plans for your next one?

🌅

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @Chasingsunsets I hope you're okay?

Luckily I had some of the money, but the rest of it has been spent. So I'm in debt and it's not even my fault or my choice to be.

My new activity/experience every month is still ongoing for now. This month I have tickets to see a Medium. I don't have anything planned for April yet. Even this falls under my "what's the point," thinking at the moment.

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