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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury honestly, change is challenging in and of itself. When you think about how much change you've been through recently in so many parts of your life - your work, how it relates to identity, learning about neurodivergence and how it has been showing up in your life, changes or losses in your support systems in multiple ways, I'm sure there's more too... but yeah all of this is bound to leave you feeling really overwhelmed, with your nervous system on high alert too. Incredibly exhausting!!

Honestly... a lot of the 'rules' come from advertising I reckon! I saw this the other day and it got me thinking...

(Disclaimer - the following is largely anecdotal stuff I've read online or heard from others, take with grain of salt)

So like eating very specific things for breakfast is because of the pork and dairy industries advertising in like the 50's about what a 'healthy breakfast' is supposed to be... Santa Claus concept is based on a myriad of myths but was brought into modern society by Coca-Cola (esp the red suit)... De Beer's ad campaign 'Diamonds are Forever' is why engagement rings are expected to be a diamond... Valentine's Day is basically from the Hallmark card company wanting to sell more cards.... Michelin stars for restaurants were made by the Michelin tyre company so people would drive more to visit restaurants further away, and wear down their car tyres quicker...

It's super interesting!! But also helps I think in terms of helping us to question things that we've maybe always accepted as 'fact'. It's very freeing... Cake for breakfast for all!! Teehee 😋

I feel you on the forms... It can take me months to book appts whenever there's some kind of barrier like having to fill out a form. Like refreshing my MHCP can mean I go a couple months without psych support cos I gotta book in with the GP... It's a lot!! And I think I'm allergic to bureaucracy 😅

Glad to hear work is something you've been looking forward to as well!

Good luck with it all hun. One step, one day at a time 💜

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

There has been a lot of change @Jynx and change has always been hard for me.

The "rules" starting from advertising makes sense. I mean, it is constantly reinforced over and over again, in that an ad on TV never really plays just the one time.

The forms issue this time is not a me thing. This form needs to be filled out by a GP or a Clinical Psych, but when I tried to book in with my GP, I found out that she has left and I haven't heard back on whether the service my old Psych is through has a Clinical Psych that can and will do it. For once, I have reached out to try and book it in, but have been met with barriers.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hello @Chasingsunsets,

I was going through notifications and realised I hadn't responded to your questions about yoga!

(Please let me know if there's any other posts I have missed 🫶)

It's great to hear that you have a chiropractor to help support you. What have they suggested for homework?

Our bodies do sooo many unconscious things to compensate for misalignment, weakness, or pain - my lower back has taken quite a load throughout the years and I actually have lower back degeneration, so it can get aggravated very quickly. I have to be careful with hip-hinge patterns (squats, deadlifts, etc), and have learned that slowing down and consistent gentle movement is key.

I am curious to know if your chiro has given you any modification/strengthening exercises?

It's also very common to have a preferred side (usually our hand-writing side), so for example, my right side feels stronger and easier to balance by default.

Would you like me to find you some resources you can read about hip and heart opening? Tagging you too @AlwaysMyself! And @NightFury as well (especially seeing as it's your thread hehe).

I think it's great that you like to take things slowly and intentionally, it helps to avoid 'flooding'. I tend to go hard and fast or do nothing at all (oops), so I completely understand where you're coming from.

Observing is a really healing space to be in. 💛

Having your own space sounds really helpful too! Where are you at with this? I know we talked about you creating another new thread just before Christmas - is this something you're still wanting to explore? 🥰

YUUUMM!! 😋

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx @NightFury

I was 13yo when i learned that "cake for breakfast on your birthday" was not "normal".

How did this come to my attention?

My friend was on holiday with me over her birthday. So i said yo my mum we needed to buy a birthdsy cake for her for breakfast that day. My mum never told me this was just a thing my family did (due to my dads work patterns). So we did. And my friend was stunned 🤣 but in a happy way - she liked the idea even though it was odd to her at the same time! 😋

And thats how i learned others dont have cake for breakfast. 🤣🤣

So i laughed when i read that as an example here.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Good morning @NightFury 💛

Either way, I think they are perfectly understandable and you're more than welcome to share your thoughts: https://www.sane.org/about-us/policies/feedback-and-complaints-policy

Change IS tough on our nervous systems, what a validating statement. It sounds like she will be quite supportive for you. ☺️

I think we live in such a fast-paced, high-expectation, pressure-filled kind of world right now, and it's genuinely exhausting and overwhelming to keep up with... maybe the process of continuing to allow these feelings and acknowledging how vulnerable life has been recently, will make things feel lighter over time? (Because those feelings will learn what it's like to have a safe space within you.)

I also get the sense that when you've really delved into your job and you're feeling comfortable supporting the kids, you will feel a lot more aligned and less overwhelmed. 🥰

How was your RDO?

I am SO glad the warmline rang back to check-in, that's really lovely. How did the call feel for you?

Okay - let's brainstorm. Can you tell me all the ways you have connection right now? There may actually be more than you realise, which you could draw upon. For example, even the person you get your morning coffee from can exist as part of your care/connection network.

Can you explore a list when you have the space? 🕵🏻‍♀️🫶

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Good morning @AuntGlow how lovely to see you.

I did share and now I don't know whether to regret it or not. I don't want to come across as a complainer...

It is exhausting to keep up with the fast paced, demanding nature of our world. It's something that comes up a lot for me. I get tired of having to run around and to meet the expectations of study, life, family, and work.

The overwhelm had been less this week. I feel more on top of the work/home life balance. I've managed to eat good meals and to get some small jobs done around home. I'm excited to start working with clients. And I did arrange a short extension for the assignment that I have due this week.

My RDO was taken up by study and catching up/getting ahead with this week's course content.

The check in felt awkward and I don't think I was very articulate. I didn't feel like talking to be honest and I was tired. But it was nice for them to check in.

Ummm...connection...

* Work colleagues

* People who work at the bakery I get coffee from.

* Phone calls with my parents

* People here on the forums

* My lawn bowls team mates.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury aye, learning to 'go with the flow' is probably an ongoing thing in my recovery too. It's hard 😔

Aww rough, sucks about your GP leaving without you knowing. Sounds like a tricky one, and I know whenever I hit barriers it can take a while to work myself up to doing whatever the next step is. I think it also doesn't help that ADHD brains are... not great at prioritising 😅


@NightFury wrote:

I did share and now I don't know whether to regret it or not. I don't want to come across as a complainer...


Two things... (I don't have context so apologies if this is irrelevant!)

1. those who are 'complainers' usually don't have an awareness of it/aren't worried about it. I know cos my ex-bestie was always stuck in victim mindset and complained a LOT... but didn't see herself as being that way.

2. Vulnerability 'hangovers' are totally a thing, and it's okay to need to take some time after divulging a lot, to just be kinda fragile and sit with the feelings.

How's things at your new job been going this week? You still in the induction phase?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Going with the flow is hard @Jynx

I don't think I know what the next steps are. I've booked with another GP, but I don't know if I feel comfortable going through the whole process of talking through my mental health challenges with someone new and how they impact me. The first time was hard enough.

You response to me feeling like a complainer is relevant. I put in some feedback about how the changes on the forums impact me. As soon as I sent it through it made me feel really vulnerable.

I'm still in the induction phase, but it's been going well. I'm still adjusting to the longer work days, the travel and trying to figure out how to do house work, play lawn bowls, study and do self care around those longer hours. I was pleased that this week I got a couple of house work jobs done after work, which is something that didn't happen last week. I'm feeling more comfortable around my work colleagues.

It's been a lot of information to take in. This week I've...

- been doing a short course on behaviour and the functions behind behaviour.

- learnt how to write progress notes.

- spent an hour in a meeting with a supervisor learning about the NDIS.

- Spent an hour in a meeting learning about our reporting requirements.

- did some learning on other allied health professionals and their roles.

- went on an observation of a client at a Day Service and shadowed a couple of client sessions.

- attended an hour and a half professional learning on diagnostic tools.

-attended an hour and a half meeting on values and how values can be a barrier.

My brain has been fried by 3 pm every day. Doing study when I get home just isn't an option. And today I feel really head heavy and exhausted. I feel like I want to sleep all day, but I can't.

But I've reflected on two things about my job.

1. I realised that I'm looking forward to going to work of a morning (not all mornings, but some) and it's been a long long time since I've felt that.

2. I'm totally not inexperienced and new and raw. I have skills and things that give me the confidence to be able to do this job.

3. I can't wait to start working with my own clients.

@AuntGlow @AlwaysMyself @tyme

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury 😍 i am loving hearing about your new job -- what you do/learn in it, the challenges, and the motivation and affirming things about it and your skills 🥰😍. Thank you for tagging me so i didnt miss out on this 😁😁.

I forget if your current studies are a requirement for your new job?

Appologies if i am jumping to "problem-solving" and its not what is wanted/needed -- please ignore if so!

Because of my depression and chronic fatigue, I have had to assess and reassess my capacity to do things at the same time, and look at which things i can pause or delay or outsource (eg cleaning and cooking - not outsourcing study 🤣🤣). This is where my mind is coming from with this question 🤗.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

No, my current studies are because I want to... @AlwaysMyself I would like to go into the field of Child and Adolescent Mental Health, so they will give me the qualifications to be a counsellor. I was thinking this week that I would specifically like to go into behaviour support for those with mental health conditions. They do relate, but my studies are not specifically for my new job.

Problem solving is good because I feel like it's something I don't have capacity for at the moment.

I would love to outsource the lawn mowing and outdoor maintenance stuff, to be honest. I've thought about it before, but have never jumped at it. Outsourcing cooking sounds great too, and I used to do that in QLD. But haven't found a company that do it here, that I like the meals they prepare.

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