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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I wasn't sure whether to say anything @Jynx I've kind of been sitting on it for a few days and then I felt bad for saying it. I know you all still care, I just feel...the only word that comes to mind is "alone." And like...noone would notice if I wasn't around any more (I'm safe and have tools to use to keep myself that way). And it's hard to feel like that, especially in a space where I haven't felt it before.

Thank you for sharing your ideas. I hear you. The one about paper plates is actually really interesting. I hadn't thought of it because for me their purpose is for like random events. You know? You're going to the park for a BBQ, you take paper plates! That kind of thing.

I think my whole hang up with not having the energy to cook dinner is about not eating healthily. I feel guilty when I eat unhealthy food, when I don't have meat and veg and fruit and all of those things.

I actually have a thing about showering - I have to shower every day. I think it's a sensory thing, but also...I am hyper aware of body odour. Like one day this week, I was sitting in the office working and there was a smell in the room and I was convinced it was me and that it was coming from my feet and my shoes. Mind you...there were others in the office and they probably couldn't smell it but that's just...I'm paranoid about the fact that I might smell. Or like...I havr dreadlocks right? And I wash them once a week because by day 5, I get to the point where I can smell the oils in my hair and that makes me paranoid that other people can smell me.

It's probably too much information and I'm sorry and not really relevant to what we were talking about.

I have my first RDO on Monday, which is lovely, but I need to use this weekend to catch up on the study I've missed this weekend and I have a big assignment due next weekend so I need to get stuck into that.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Good evening @NightFury, 💛

How are you feeling tonight?

Yes, I am okay! I am sorry to worry you, I know these new hours are different. 🫶

This is so completely valid, lovely. I would feel the same. 🥺

An RDO once a fortnight will allow you time to ground and avoid further exhaustion, so this is a massive win!

It sounds like shadowing the OT and being in that space was really aligned for you? What did you enjoy about the work you saw them do?

I like that you said you're curious about this feeling - what else comes up when you ask this question?

It's more than okay to ask for more support, but I understand why it feels vulnerable. I think it's rather empowering to ask for help and to shift things to work for you. What a wonderful way to say, "I'd like to do this, whilst also nurturing my body and mind" - capitalism hates to see you coming. 💅😉

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @AuntGlow

Things are a little tough tonight.

An RDO once a fortnight will be lovely. I think it will be good for me and give me something to look forward to each time.

I enjoyed how personal it was. Each session I've sat in on has been tailored to the client's needs and have provided space for the client to really be themselves.

I'm curious about it because I don't understand it. But what else comes up is that there's a lot happening for me at the moment and maybe...I don't need to understand it.

I am going to put steps in place to get this happening and to get this access plan in place. I just...it's hard for me.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hello lovely @NightFury,

I am sorry for not getting back to you last night.

How are things feeling today?

I am wondering if you are able to set an intention for work tomorrow - something that focuses on curiosity?

What would you like to do during your next RDO? 🤩

This sounds like the perfect kind of work for you, I have absolutely no doubt that you will be able to provide that space naturally.

I really love the notion of not trying to understand it, and perhaps, just allowing it to be. Maybe when this happens and the attachment to the feeling/thought lessens, it will shift?

I understand that it's hard. 💛 Is there any rush on it, or can you take a bit of time to adjust to work first?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I studied all day today @AuntGlow but went to see a show tonight. I didn't want to go, but I'm glad that I did because I enjoyed it. It was my new experience for the month of February.

Today has been a mixed bag of feelings. I've felt flat, I've had tears, I've felt anxious and I've felt overwhelmed. But I also laughed and sat watching the whole show this evening with my jaw on the floor.

Also, something in forum land has hit a nerve - a big one, and I don't know what to do with it.

I don't have work tomorrow. I have my first RDO. I will be studying all day until I feel like I'm no longer behind. I had a call with my unit coordinator this afternoon and she recommended that I put in for an extension for the assignment that's due next Sunday. She also recommended that I put in the paperwork to get an access plan, but that's something that will need to wait because my GP is on leave.

How are you, AuntGlow?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Oh yes!! The Vaudeville/Variety kind of show, right? That sounds completely up my ally - tell me more! @NightFury

Hmm, it's always so interesting to witness our own emotional fluctuations, isn't it? It makes us very, well, human. 🥰

Is there anything you'd like to talk about? I am happy to listen.

Okay, well I think the extension is a great place to start. You have had soo much change occur in the last few months, so an extension feels more than fair to help you catch up.

I am well, thank you for asking. I actually start uni myself this week, but only one subject again. ☺️

How is writing and sharing in your new thread feeling? 💛

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Ahah...I don't know what that is @AuntGlow but it was a mix of cabaret, dance, comedy, circus and burlesque. I took some photos, I'll pop one up here. There were acrobatics, and fire breathers and singers, a man who turned himself into a balloon and lots of swinging from the rafters.

 

I don't know if saying something would cause trouble or if it's better to leave it be. My brain can't leave it be, but maybe I should just ignore that...

I'm struggling with the changes on the forums and I have been talking to Jynx about it a little. It makes me feel like I'm alone, it makes me feel disconnected and like...no one would notice if I wasn't around any more (I'm safe). Then there's a conversation on the forums that makes me feel like I shouldn't be reaching out here for support anyway, that I'm selfish for having connections and conversations with you lovely people.

I already feel like I'm losing all of my supports.

The writing thread sometimes feels like there's pressure on me to contribute, to write etc, but then when I do...I enjoy it.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury just popped by super quick before i head out to say "hello and I am thinking of you". Haven't back-read, just the post above with your photo (neat!). So I also want to add:

  • I am glad you are here. You have EVERY RIGHT to be here and post and chat to the PSW and the rest of us too! As much as you want to. 😊. I'm sorry something you have read has made you feel bad for it. 😢 Sending hugs. You are NOT selfish.
  • I would notice if you were not around anymore. Even if I don't chat to you directly heaps, I would definitely notice your absense.
  • Please don't feel I ever place any pressure on you to post or write. However, if it helps you when you do - then I'm really glad you do! 😊. I enjoy reading your writings, but the MOST important thing is that it is beneficial for YOU.

Feel free to tag me anytime - even if it takes me a while to get to it.
And if I forget to, please do let me know 😖 sometimes I am soo far behind in my email notifications and I get a bit lost and delete ones by mistake. And sometimes my email has decided to hide them into my spam when I get too many to keep up with. 😑

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I don't get email notifications at the moment @AlwaysMyself there's something going on with anyone who had a Hotmail or an Outlook account.

I appreciate your thoughts and your response. I like connecting with you.

My anxiety is pretty high and my thoughts are quite loud and persistant so...it's probably just my state of mind perceiving the conversation in a certain way. I am struggling a little at the moment - for a number of reasons, I think.

I don't have a psychologist at the moment, it will be a minimum of 12 weeks before I do, I'm feeling disconnected from a friend/support I worked with last year, the changes on the forum feel weird and a little disconnecting and I found out this morning when trying to make an appointment that my GP has left the practice. And I'm feeling it. Tagging @AuntGlow and @Jynx in this too.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Oh, that is a lot of change all at once @NightFury - especially because many of them are to do with supports. Totally get that.

I am also surprised and disappointed for you that the GP practice did not send out a letter to advise that the GP has left 😢. Although, perhaps I shouldn't be surprised because the same has happened to me in the past - I call up to make an appointment and that is how I found out 😒. Which sucks, because if it were for MH I'd want to be meeting the new doc before I had a crisis need!

I would love to be able to still continue to support you (within my capacity of course), and always open to being told how I can do it best/better if ideas come up. 😘

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