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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury , are you working fulltime AND studying full time?

I read back about your first day. Hope it's going okay for you and it's not too stressful.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It is a Bromeliads and it has flowered

@tyme , @NightFury , @AlwaysMyself , @Chasingsunsets , @MissGremlin

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Work has been going okay @tyme I've been at it for three days and already have five clients on the books ready for when I start working with clients in a couple of weeks.

It's a lot thought and I'm already exhausted. I'm studying part time and working full time. But...I can't do it!

I had a meltdown last night. I worked from 8.30 - 5.15. I get an RDO a fortnight so we still work full time hours but longer days. I cooked dinner and while that was cooking I sat down and studied. I ate dinner while studying, then tried to attend an online class at 8 pm and lost it....

I was so tired and overwhelmed and completely out of spoons. And I just burst into tears and had to skedaddle out of the class.

Take tonight for example...I finished work, went to bowls training and have only just gotten home. I haven't sorted dinner or anything...

I can't do it all.

@AuntGlow

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

omg yay @NightFury you have kicked off your new job!!

Totally legit to feel a lot of overwhelm, I imagine it'll take time to settle into your new routine, and to feel more comfy in your new position. In the meantime, I reckon it's very okay if certain things 'slip' - e.g. not having energy to keep up on chores and stuff is so normal!

Meltdowns are totally normal too - you're out of your comfort zone, haven't yet settled into routine, and I can imagine you've been taking in a LOT of new info from the job - policies and procedures can take up a lot of brain space!! I can imagine having to then focus on taking in info from your class was just one thought too many. I reckon I would've had a meltdown too 😅

Did you end up figuring out dinner? That's one of those things that is easy for it to 'slip' - something I find helpful when I'm overloaded like this is to grab some snacks/meals to keep in the freezer, stuff I can just chuck in the air fryer and not really have to think about. It's so okay to do stuff like stocking up on paper plates and disposable cutlery (perhaps bamboo, if you're like me and want it to be kind to the earth!), so that keeping up with the dishes is one less thing to think about. Baby-wipe 'baths' are also super valid if you struggle with showering every day but want to feel clean.

I know you've got a lot on your plate, but I hope you can still carve out a little time for some creativity, and a bit of time to 'switch off' - like with a comfort tv show or something. Remember, rest is not earned, it is essential!!

You got this! And we're here in your corner, rooting for you 💜

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I have tears tonight @Jynx and I don't even really know why.

The job is a good one, I think and it's going to be good for me...

I just don't know what's going on with me.

I picked up some chickenwings and threw them in the air fryer and I am struggling a bit with the basics - the washing is piling up, I need to vacuum and tidy - I'm just not getting stuff done.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Something to remember @NightFury is that tears don't necessarily indicate 'sadness' - we can cry from any emotion. Tears just mean 'too much', and with everything you're carrying right now, tears don't surprise me in the slightest.

I wonder if there's like a 'depression cheat sheet' or something out there online - stuff that one can do to lessen the impact of those daily tasks that do tend to pile up when we're overwhelmed... If I find anything I'll be sure to share!!

Be gentle with your wonderful self. I know it's probably frustrating to hear, but it will take time to settle into the new 'normal'. You got this though!

Hugs 💜

⸜(。˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you @Jynx

The changes on the forum are hard for me too. My brain struggles with the whole..."no one cares any more." That whole rejection thing of people not replying and not maintaining conversations like they used to. I'm feeling pretty alone at the moment, so combined with that and the whole rejection thing that's popping up, it's a bit of a thought storm. So, thank you for jumping in here and connecting with me.

I don't know if there is a cheat sheet for that, but one would be appreciated. I've been trying to remind myself that it's okay and all I need to focus on this week is starting work and the learning around that and it's okay for the other things to wait, but the saying and the doing are two different things.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hello lovely! @NightFury

I am SO sorry I wasn't here to support you on your first day. Please know you were on my mind. 🥹

I have read your posts and I can see this has been a very big shift for you, but how are you feeling about everything today? 🫶

And... what are 3 things you're excited or curious about in your new role? 🤩

Lastly, what are you sensing you'd like to do regarding uni? I found it very challenging navigating 2 jobs, uni, and creative ventures last year - so I completely understand the overwhelm. 💖

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It's okay @AuntGlow I hope that you're okay? I was worried about you this week.

It's been a pretty...I want to say, rough week. Adjusting has been hard and it's something that I haven't achieved yet. I've had tears nearly every night. But it's not because I'm not happy with my new job, it's just because it's a lot and I have a lot of big feelings. Also, it have something to do with the fact that I'm exhausted.

I am excited for RDO's - I work longer hours, but get an RDO once a fortnight. Mine is this Monday coming. I'm excited by the fact that I noticed today when I was "shadowing" an OT working with a client that I felt calmer in my body than I would have if I was in the classroom, so I'm looking forward to working one-on-one with young people. I'm curious about my tears of a night and why they're coming up.

I want to finish it! I want to stick at it, but I need to swallow some humble pie and take the access plan letter to my GP. It gives me supports and more time on assignments. I've been struggling with the idea of needing it and feeling ashamed at the fact that it's hard for me and putting the paper work in is admitting that it's hard for me.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I promise you we still care @NightFury 💜

But I hear you. We'll share more as we learn more, and I promise you're not alone in feeling these frustrations. The more our members speak up about the impacts, the more info and 'data' we have to potentially act upon, so please continue to share hun.

I think a lot of stuff I've seen about it has been through memes, now that I think about it. The paper plates one was from a tumblr post lol. Maybe it's worth a thread of its own?

Potentially you could write out some of the tasks - whether it's chores, study, rest & leisure, etc. - and make note of the main consequence of not doing them. Sometimes I don't realise that the pressure I'm putting on myself to do something isn't actually proportionate to the consequences of not doing it - e.g. there's a lot of social stigma about not showering every day. But it's not going to destroy one's health to shower every 2nd or 3rd day instead.

Been a big week for you hun, hope you've got some chillaxing ahead of you this weekend 😊💜

⸜(。˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

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