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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Yeah, it's due in a couple of weeks. @tyme I have to write as if I've been brought in to a school to make recommendations to a principal regarding mental health programs for schools. I have to choose two whole school mental health programs and review them and make a recommendation, and review two programs for a specific mental health problem that is present in schools and make a recommendation. It's 2500 words. I have to make sure that I have at least two articles that review the efficacy of each of the programs. So, there's a bit of work in it.

I start my new job tomorrow. I've had tears throughout the day. I feel pretty overwhelmed and surprised by the big emotions around it.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I know in Melb they have Mental Health in Primary schools. This has been rolled out to all schools in Vic. It sounds like an interesting assignment but I can see there's a lot of work.

As for tomorrow, yes! It's the 27th. I wonder if you can set yourself soem worry time and then park it? What time do you leave home tomorrow? @NightFury

Also, have you got the NDIS stuff sorted yet?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I don't know if that would work for me? @tyme I'm willing to give it a go, but my brain has never been able to park my worries.

I start at 9 am, but due to morning traffic, I have to leave home at 7.30 am. I don't want to be late on my first day.

My NDIS approval came through on Thursday, so I'm all set to start.

It's just a lot.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I know it's easier to say than do, but try not to over think it. First day nerves are expected. If you have them, then you are normal!!! Remember that 🙂

As I said, it took me weeks to get used to a workplace. I was so overwhelmed with the people, the technology, the space etc. So just know these are normal experiences and feelings.

As part of giving yourself worry time, write down any questions you have. They might answer some of them without you even asking... and for others, you may need to reach out yourself.

Also, I hope you can realistic about the first day. That is, you don't be fully comfortable and that it takes time to get used to. I guess that if you are realistic, than when these feelings do come up, you can tell yourself that it was expected. @NightFury That's how I manage new things.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

How much worry time do you give yourself? @tyme

That's what I needed to hear, I needed some reassurance that it was normal to feel overwhelmed and out of place.

I'm just...I'm super aware that it's going to be a whole learning experience for me. I have to learn a new system, new technology, new ways of working, make connections with new people. I have to remember to be kind to myself - it's okay not to know things, and to not get every thing perfect.

It's also hard to not have a safe person - a friend within the staff, to help me to feel comfortable and less like I have to mask and pretend that I have it all under control.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I'd say 20 minutes or so @NightFury . I don't know the science behind it, I'm just talking from experience. I reckon in that worry time, write everything down, put it on your beside table and tell yourself that it will still be there in the morning so you may as well put it to bed so you can go to bed.

And yes, I think being really realistic that a new job WILL be hard at first and it will take time to get used to, is really important. It gives you breathing room to make mistakes and learn from them.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you @tyme thank you for your advice.

I'll try the worry time tonight before going to bed. Hopefully it will help me to sleep before tomorrow.

And I will work on reminding myself that it's going to be hard at first and it will be a big adjustment for me and making mistakes is a part of the learning process. It's okay to take time to find my feet.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

That's precisely it! @NightFury

And when you come home, practice that self-talk.

I've looked into the power of self-talk, and it can really work wonders. This doesn't mean you glide past mistakes and stuff, but it looks at things objectively and helps you improve.

I remember starting a new job once and I was getting so so upset with myself that I just wasn't 'getting' it. I later had to realistically tell myself that most of the other people had been there for years and I'd only been there a week. This brought things into perspective and it allowed me to be kinder to myself.

Also, do you have some self-care planned into your day after work tomorrow? I know you said you don't know what time you finish, but do you have a few things you can choose from? @NightFury

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

My self talk is mostly always negative @tyme I have to work on that compassionate self-talk. Maybe this is a good time to practice.

I don't specifically have any self-care planned. But I was thinking about incorporating a walk after work. I need to start moving my body more.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Yes, self talk can go a long long way. It take practice though. You don't just tend to wake up and be good at self talk.

Also, I found that the more I did it, the easier it became. And I think there's a fine line between toxic positivity and using self talk to better yourself. Some people use it so much that it blinds them of reality... however, I don't think you'll have that problem!

As for getting out after work for a bit of a walk, defo, why not. However, if it's too hot, just be careful.

I've frozen half a bottle of water in the freezer already, so I'm ready for tomorrow. In the morning, I just fill up the other half so that it defrosts a bit @NightFury

Please have an early night too. Allow yourself to worry, then park it so you can go to bed.

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