Acceptance is hard work

Me too @tyme

Yes! I find movement very grounding. Do you? @NightFury

I start study early next month - just one subject again. ☺️

That sounds like it was really soul-nourishing for you. 🥹 Will you see her again any time soon?

Gah, I completely understand that feeling. I am glad you took them in the end - when will you have a check-in around your mental health next?

Oh wow, this would have been so vulnerable for you... it sounds like your heart is really needing some nurturing and support? I wonder what that could look like right now?

These feelings are perfectly understandable, our emotions are complex and you were already feeling a sense of grief and loss around your grandfather. So, it makes sense that things might feel more heightened right now. 🥰

I am so glad that bowls helped, this is a win to acknowledge and sit with.

The feeling of not being met with the same enthusiasm and consideration when you want to invest in a connection is so genuinely painful. I wonder how you can let that feeling be there, but also explore the idea that this isn't because of you or anything you have done?

Awww Luna! That must have been so heartwarming. Has anything else come up today?

That's okay, I totally get that. 💛

Certain movement yes @AuntGlow I played cricket for a couple of seasons and I found it an excellent way to ground myself, but also, to increase my confidence. I like to walk Luna, and I like to be in water. I can't swim well and panic when I can't touch the bottom, but I love to just be in water and potter about.

I probably won't see her again any time soon. Especially as we both start to go back to work. She's a friend, but we don't see each other often.

I don't know when my next mental health check in will be. I don't have anything booked in, not even with a psychologist. I'm still trying to navigate getting some support. I have to note that I had started to feel like things were improving, but the last few days...things have crashed again.

I think, I just need to feel held right now.

I had an early phone call from my brother this morning. His wife is in hospital and he asked me if I would have my niece today, so I got to spend an entire day with her. She is so very hard to keep up with and to keep entertained. We went to the park, she rode her bike, we looked at the ducks, we came home and she refused pizza for lunch. She wanted an icy pole instead. She played with her toys, she did a "drawing," she watched Mickey Mouse, we took some photos on my polaroid camera and watched the pictures come out, she played with Luna and read a book and finally she fell asleep. It was a big day.

I have tears close by tonight, and I feel emotional and all over the place. I'm okay, and I'm safe

Sitting with you and holding you in your teariness @NightFury 🤗.

I must say, the day with your niece sounds amazing. I bet your niece loved it 😍. Best Aunt award coming your way I reckon! (Although @AuntGlow may contest it over naming rights lol 😅). It does also sound soo exhausting - I don't think I would be able to keep up with all that lol; I love it when they fall asleep so there is downtime 😂. My cousin's children (my "niece" and "nephew") are too old for those naps now days lol, but they're also old enough to easily have a conversation with too (I am much better with children once they can have conversations, as compared to the 2-3 years old stage where they are bouncing off the walls with physical play and can't always speak what they mean properly lol)

Cricket! That's so cool. Would you play again? @NightFury

I am a terrible swimmer, so I empathise with this hahah

I love water as well though, it's so serene and regulating.

What about your lovely Scottish friend?

We are here for you. 🥰 Everyone gather in for a group hug please! @AlwaysMyself @tyme @Shaz51 @Jynx

Goodness, that really does sound like a big day!! How was it being with your niece? Do you notice your inner child comes out to play at all when she is around?

I understand. As always, you're allowed to cry and feel what you're feeling.

What is one thing you can do for yourself this week? For example, could you explore some creative writing, drawing, or tarot?

I have been doing some tarot with my housemate lately and it's been very grounding - it made me think of you! 🫶

I tried to play again a few years back @AuntGlow and unfortunately my body isn't a fan any more.

My lovely Scottish friend is still my friend. She's been busy with family visiting since before Christmas, so I haven't had a chance to catch up with her over the holidays. We did catch up before Christmas though.

It was nice to spend time with her. I had her from 10 am until 4.30 pm, after about four hours, I was ready for her to go home. I just needed my own space, I was tired and starting to get frustrated. Then I felt bad about it. It was perfect timing when she fell asleep and I could put her to bed for a while. My inner child sometimes comes out to play, though it didn't surface alot yesterday. But it did when I took her to the pool earlier in the week.

I'm glad you've been enjoying Tarot, AuntGlow. It's a little bit of fun and it can be good guidance. I think this week, I can do some journalling, and maybe do some creative writing. I haven't sat and wrote anything creatively for a long time. The idea intrigues me. When I was little, I used to write stories all the time. I was fascinated with druids and would write about them in my stories. It's been a very long time since I've written anything creative.

@NightFury If you feel like it any time in the future (eg looking for a good distraction), I'd love to learn about druids from you. 😊. I don't know much about them, but I know I have listened to 2 different podcasts that both had an episode that included information & history of druids. ...i just don't recall much of it now 😓. I find it really interesting how folklore/RPG stories have taken the history of druids and created them into character classes with a big emphasis (obviously) on nature and animals - and in the case of some RPG/fantasy the ability to morph into an animal. 😊

Hi @AuntGlow how are you?

@AlwaysMyself I don't know alot about druids, except for what I've read in fantasy novels.

Good afternoon @NightFury 🫶

How are you today?

I am glad she is still in your life. I wonder if she would be open to a little catch-up? 🥰

Ohhh, I understand that feeling very well haha it sounds like you were giving a lot of yourself and it's absolutely okay to feel tired and frustrated when you have met your capacity.

How did it feel to notice your inner child come out at the pool?

I used to do the same!! I would sit and write for hours. My imagination felt so much more limitless and whimsical... I think the best way to reactivate that space is by allowing yourself to explore and follow your curiosity. What would you like to write about today?

I am... @AuntGlow not sure how I am today.

I don't think we'll get in a catch up. She has more guests coming today from Scotland and I start my new job next Tuesday. So, things are just not right time wise.

My inner child coming out at the pool, felt kind of freeing. I wasn't worried about what other people thought of me, or about what I looked like in my bathers, or what other people thought of my playing. It was nice to let all of that go for a little while.

I don't know what I want to write about. I thought maybe I could grab a picture prompt, one like I'd use with my students and just have at it. I'm scared though that it'll be terrible, and I won't know what to write.