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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @AuntGlow

How are you?

I feel a little defeated today. I had a decent start to the week and thought that maybe I was feeling a little better. Then yesterday, I crashed. I had a bit of a meltdown last night and over reacted to some things in forumland and got super emotional. Today feels heavy and all I've wanted to do today is sleep.

I did get out and play a game of lawn bowls though, which is something social for me too. I got super sunburnt.

I will give sitting back onto my 'sit bone' a try, thank you for sharing that. It's hard because yeah, I am intuitive but I also think the checking is an OCD behaviour.

Trying to reconnect with moments I've felt connection sounds like something I could try, also. I'm not feeling particularly connected at the moment. My friend from work, or...my old work place...I haven't seen her for four weeks. I keep asking if she'd like to catch up over a cuppa and she hasn't taken the bait. It makes me sad.

And thank you for saying my mind map is well done. Up until this assignment resilience was just this concept that people used to describe others, but it didn't have any weight to it.

But I've learnt that resilience can be viewed as a result of three systems.

1. Core resilience - those things that we're born with. Our genetics, our attachment style, our nervous system, our brain structure. These things can be altered by early life stress and our development stage (for example adolescent brains are pruning themselves, and restructuring themselves)

2. Inner resilience - are the intra-personal personality traits such as self-esteem, grit, persistence, empathy, social skills, emotional regulation.

3. External resilience - the things that are external to us so like socio-economic status, access to resources, friendships, support from friends and family, the school system.

Our resilience is impacted when one or more of these systems are affected. So, my nervous system is dysregulated and over reactive which impacts my resilience. But it can also be strengthened by other systems, like connection to supports and peers. Resilience is dynamic and changeable.

@tyme @AlwaysMyself

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hello,

I just wanted to get to this before I leave. 💛 @NightFury

I am doing well. I have been spending lots of time journaling and going to pilates and yoga - I even tried a spin class! I would like to explore more dance and singing soon too, but just taking life slowly right now.

Oh, I am so sorry to hear this happened, I am sure it was a really vulnerable moment for you. Big hugs. It's always so overwhelming when we experience challenging feelings after a period of lightness. I promise the positive feelings will return. 🫶

I have noticed the negative sensations always get bigger when my mind attaches to the feeling through a belief about myself or others. I am wondering if anything like that came up for you?

Aww I am so glad you played lawn bowls - this is a huge win whilst feeling down. Did it lift your mood at all? And ouch!! Please put on some aloe vera! 🥺

Let me know how you go with the 'sit bone' strategy. And yes, 'checking' is an OCD compulsion and noticing it in the moment is really helpful!

That would be really disheartening. 😔 You are absolutely allowed to be affected by this. I wonder if there is any other reason she might not be answering?

Also, I want to highlight just how much courage and vulnerability it takes to do this. I feel like you're putting yourself out there with a bit more ease?

Regarding connection, maybe we can look at micro-moments of connection throughout tomorrow? And if you'd like, you can message them to me here? 🥰

"Resilience is dynamic and changeable." - I love this! This such amazing insight. What are your thoughts on sharing your diagram and starting a new conversation around resilience? I feel like people will get so much from it. No pressure of course! Just an idea. 🤩

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It sounds like you've been very movement focused @AuntGlow have your studies resumed yet?

I don't know. The start of the week was lovely, AuntGlow. I took my niece to the pool, and caught up with an old friend for coffee and lunch. She used to play badminton with my Dad, and then when I started work at my first school, it turned out that she also worked there. She adopted my other dog, Poppy when I moved to QLD. Anyway...we sat and drank coffee and chatted for four hours.

Then on Thursday, my brain convinced me not to take my meds...this time because I had noticed I'd put on weight and it wanted to blame them (me and my meds are a struggle at times). On Friday, I took them because not taking them made me feel horrible. My Dad came up to see me and we went out to a local cafe for lunch and he told me that Grandad had come home - they had returned his ashes (he donated his body to science) and my Dad was planning a time to go and spread both Grandad and my Nan's ashes according to their wishes. That made me feel all the grief. It's such a relief to have him home, but I am also still grieving.

Then I read a thread on here and it triggered a lot of fear about those that I connect with on here using their Plan B's and leaving. Because I was emotionally dysregulated, I over reacted to tyme's comment about my mind map being confusing.

Things have been heavy since.

I was about to respond that playing bowls didn't really lift my mood, but I guess it did a little.

I'm not sure if my friend has any other reason for not answering, but at the moment it feels like she doesn't want to. Like, she doesn't want to spend time with me outside of work and she isn't interested in maintaining a friendship. It hurts.

Sharing those micro-moments of connection with you would be nice, AuntGlow. I can share one this morning - Luna's morning cuddles. She loves to cuddle of a morning.

I don't know if I have the confidence to share my diagram with the community itself. I don't know. I don't feel like I'm any expert about it. I'll think about it.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thanks for sharing about the different types of resilience @NightFury . In a way, you embody resilience even if you don't feel like it somehow.

How are you feeling about the upcoming start date?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

And resilience might not look the same for everyone. @tyme

I'm excited, but also nervous.

I have to meet a whole heap of new people, I have to figure out a whole new way of working and a whole new system, I have to try and do all my training and modules and stuff to become fully qualified, while also studying a Masters degree.

In a weeks time, life will get really busy again and I worry about my capacity handle it.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I guess all I can say is that you've been this 'busy' before, and even more - and you got through.

But I can see it's certainly a lot. Are you going to work full time @NightFury ?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It is full time @tyme

I don't even really know what to expect or what my days will look like. I know I have to be there at 9 am, but I'm not sure what time I finish, or what I'll be doing. I'm going to try and just go with the flow...

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Not knowing anything can be so anxiety-provoking! It's not like you can look forward to the end of the day if you don't know what the end time is! Have you signed the contract @NightFury ?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I signed a conditional contract @tyme which is conditional on the NDIS approving my registration as a behaviour support practitioner. My application has been with the NDIS for a month now and is going through their system and processes.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Oh, fair enough @NightFury . I hope you get it soon.

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