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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury I like that you don't feel uncomfortable when others express joy. 😊. I think that is healthy and "normal". Neither of my parents are very expressive, so I wasn't used to it at home. I don't feel uncomfortable when I see children or animals express joy or playfulness. Although sometimes I feel 'grief' for my lack of a happy childhood when I see it; but at the same time still glad they are experiencing joy. It's my hurt, depressed part of me that feels somehow threatened by strong expressions of positive emotions in adults - but that is very much a "me" thing and not anything that I would ever think badly of the happy person for!

Interesting about the seeing people cry. I didn't expect that, simply because you are so caring and supportive here. 😊. I think a lot of people find seeing people cry or in pain difficult and not know what to say. I don't find it hard in humans - because I can sit with them and talk and comfort them (even in babies I don't feel bad about them crying (just empathetic), but if it were them in pain that would be hard for me because they can't understand it and I can't improve it). I find it really hard in animals though - e.g. when my dog was in severe pain and there was nothing I could do except take him to the vet and keep him company and as comfortable as possible. I think it's the communication-barrier that gets me --- I want to be able to tell them "I care; I'm with you; We are getting help".

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Very interesting :ok_hand: @NightFury

Thank you for the tag ☺️

@AlwaysMyself

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hey @NightFury ,

The graphic looks... confusing! But it's certainly food for thought!

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @tyme how are you?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

🤣😂I really genuinely love how to me the graphic makes so much perfect sense and to @tyme it is confusing. 😅

This is such a great example of how people can see/read/understand things differently, and in different expressions/methods, and that it completely OK!

😍😘

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury I know you are probably in bed now and I don't expect a response soon (or at all if you don't want to!)

Just wanted to apologise if what I said elsewhere was triggering for you; I will ensure not to tag you for anything with that type of thing again, to make sure not to put you in the conflict between wanting to be supportive and also needing to protect your own wellbeing. I am really sorry, I didn't mean to cause you distress. You are so lovely that you still care and are supportive. I hope/trust that you can forgive me for unintended pain triggering. Sending you love and care, and wishes for a good sleep.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It's okay @AlwaysMyself thank you for your apology, though it's not needed. I've had an emotional evening/night, my Grandad's ashes arrived home yesterday, which is the real trigger of all that emotion.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Oh, hun. What a bittersweet moment @NightFury . Holding you in the waves of grief, your tears shed because of your love for him.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AlwaysMyself , To me, I see a jumble of information overload so I have to step away lol. I think I need it presented in small chunks. But yes, it's interesting how we see things so differently!

@NightFury , sorry to hear about yesterday and the trigger you had. I hope today improves for you.

The whole community is behind you.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Good evening @NightFury

How are you today?

Your resilience map is SO well done - I love how clear and informative it is. What did you discover in your research around resilience? I am curious to know if any of it resonated with you too? 🥰

I always relish in the moments my brain lets me focus haha, so absolutely no apology needed!

The testing to see if something 'feels' right is so real and very relatable. I keep coming back to the notion of you connecting with your intuitive self, because I know how strong it is for you. You could explore this by settling into a chair and literally sitting back into your 'sit bone'. Then with every breath, invite yourself to sink deeper into that space. Anxiety pulls us forward, so this action of sitting back may allow for more room to access your inner knowing - give it a try! 🤩

I understand why this abandonment wound would feel so big for you and I don't want to discredit how valid these feelings are. In fact, I think giving them space to be heard and really felt is so, so important.

I wonder if we could also explore redirecting to the spaces where there is a sense of connection in those moments?

I know your brain might want to challenge this (which is very human, we love black and white/all or nothing thinking!!), but this is just a practice of creating more safety and embracing more nuance - it's allowed to be imperfect. I am actually finding this a bit tricky myself right now, so we are in this together. 💪💛

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