Acceptance is hard work

Naaw! I'm glad you got to spend a lot of time with your partner @Jynx

It's just all feeling hard and all my brain sees is why it's not going to work out. Like...it was recommended by the psychiatrist that I see a psychologist who does ERP, but so far, only one clinic that's been recommended to me has a practitioner who does ERP and his books are full. The idea that I have to organise it all for myself and know what I need in a psychologist is so...overwhelming. It's too hard.

I'm in the middle of surburbia, so I'm not really worried about where I am re bushfires.

I'm not doing anything productive with my evening. Catching up here and connecting, I have trashy TV on in the back ground and thinking about dinner and whether I want any.

My half brother...

Sorry for double replying to you @AuntGlow. I just think it deserves it's own space. It's a big story.

When we were young, my parents got my brother and I together and had a conversation with us. They told us that we had a half brother, but we were never ever to try and find him, or to make contact with him.

Fast forward, about eight years ago, I got a message from a stranger over social media. It was from a man who asked me what my Dad's name was and he thought he was my brother. I initially thought it was some crazy stalker, but some of the things he had to say lined up. So, one day I asked my Dad to check the oil in my car and it gave me the opportunity to talk to him alone and show him the messages. My Dad instantly said, "we need to talk to you mother." So, it was confirmed this man was who he said he was - my half brother.

My Dad was going through significant health issues where he could have lost his leg, and it wad too mich for him at the time, he didn't want anything to do with it. But I kept in contact, we messaged every day. I had two nieces and that was pretty special to me. My Mum convinced my Dad to not let this opportunity pass him by and my Dad eventually contacted my half brother.

They lived interstate, but my half brother's family and his wife's family lived here, so they came home for Christmas. And that Christmas, it was the first time we met them. It sparked a bit of a mission to get to know each other, to spend time with each other. We would fly interstate to stay with them, they would come here and spend time with us.

It was an entirely different brother/sister relationship than I had with my full brother. It was hard developing a brother/sister relationship when we didn't grow up together. My other brother also didn't want anything to do with any of it and refused to even meet him. He eventually came around too.

My half brother and his family had another child - another nephew and moved down here for work and to be closer to family. We were building a relationship with them and then all of a sudden they stopped ringing, stopped showing up, stopped making contact and spending time with us. My half brother wouldn't answer his phone, or return phone calls. We reached and got nothing back.

It felt as if he's decided that our family wasn't the family that he wanted. That he'd gotten to know us and decided that we weren't what he wanted in his life and in the lives of his family.

I hadn't seen him or heard from him in a couple of years, and then he showed up on Christmas morning.

@AlwaysMyself @Jynx

@NightFury I really feel this. It takes a lot of convincing myself, and takes a lot out of me to do things that my brain has no interest in - like booking appts or... basically anything involving phone calls and filling out forms.

It feels unfair sometimes that the burn out can mean that I have no capacity to organise more support, but without more support I can't build my capacity back up again. It has felt very much like a catch-22, and I know how easy it can be to just say 'nope, too hard.'

Other than 'chunking' my goals down into more achievable tasks, one thing I find super helpful is having a body-double with me. Usually another ND person haha but basically just having someone in my space is helpful for accomplishing my goals. They don't even have to do anything most of the time, but it really helps me stay focused and grounded - especially if I have to make a phone call! Do you have anyone who you feel like could fill this kinda role for you?

I do have someone who can help with this actually @Jynx she's made phone calls for me before because I've been too anxious about it, but maybe it'll also help just having her there with me while I make the phone call. She is neurodiverse and so are her three kids. So she gets it.

It feels unfair that it's hard. It's hard for me to move past the overwhelm and do it anyway. It involves research, it involves making a decision that could be the wrong one, it involves me feeling like I don't know what I'm doing or how to do it, it involves actually talking to people on the phone and it and it brings up feelings of being too broken, too much for support that meets my needs.

It shouldn't be this hard and that comes with frustration and frustration at myself because...it shouldn't be this hard or this big of a deal.

Amazing @NightFury so glad you have someone who gets it, and who will make phone calls for you in a pinch! My partner has made phone calls for me on occasion which seriously makes such a difference. It's weird, making calls in a work context doesn't bother me so much, but as soon as I have to like, call the electric company or try to sort out something with my real estate agency over the phone, it's like my brain is in meltdown-territory so so quickly. Dunno! Context thing maybe.

It does feel unfair, and to my mind this is cos it is unfair - unfair that ND people are forced to have to fit in to a society that also shames us for not being able to keep up with NT folks in certain areas. I wanna take a moment to really hammer this point home - your struggles in this, in making phone calls and making these decisions, does NOT mean you're broken. It means our society has failed to cater to our needs and has failed to build structures of support that are accessible for everyone. There's a Gandhi quote where he said: 'The true measure of any society can be found in how it treats its most vulnerable members'.

So to my mind, you're right - it shouldn't be this hard. But that's not cos we're not good enough or skilled enough to do these so-called 'simple tasks', it's because for ND brains, they're really not that simple. Again, I reckon it's a case where we are getting compared to NT people who can just do these things without thinking, but because our brains are wired differently it's a struggle for us. Then because we've been raised to believe they are just normal, every day tasks, it's so hard to untangle ourselves from the shame that can arise.

I understand the frustration completely, but I do hope you can give yourself a little bit of grace for the fact that you're still recovering from burnout, got some shiny new diagnoses to reflect and unpack, and you're going through a big transitional period with your job change and stuff... that's a very full brain! I'd be struggling with the 'simple tasks' too.

Meltdown territory is so difficult to manage @Jynx and so close to the surface sometimes. If something involves more than one thing that I find challenging...then meltdown territory is soso close by.

For some reason your words feel...I don't know...freeing. You validated something for me - that it is hard and it shouldn't be. The fact that you pointed out that it's not because I'm broken or lack capacity, it's because my brain is wired differently and the system doesn't cater for that, made me a little bit teary and made me feel a little gentler towards myself.

Morning @NightFury how’s your day going so far?

I hope you also don’t mind me responding to @AuntGlows question here 🙏

The trauma informed hip opening 😊, I find all this stuff so interesting Auntglow. Happy to keep it here or move to another thread whatever suits, more than welcome to post it in the thread I started and thought it would go to the archives 😂, it has for me though at the moment because I lost it 😂☀️

I can imagine you would be very busy with thousands of notifications so no rush/pressure totally understand ☺️

I hope you both have a good day 😊

Morning @Chasingsunsets

I had a rough night with some nightmares keeping me awake. But this morning isn't too bad. I've had breakfast and a shower and I'm making myself a second cup of coffee. I'm going to sit down and do some study this morning and then I have a few jobs to do. I've been hit with some anxiety regarding a medical appointment I have tomorrow, so it's not a bad thing that I habe distractions today.

How are you travelling this morning?

And no, I don't mind if you chat to @AuntGlow here!

Ah thanks @NightFury! Definitely let us know though if you prefer it to be at a different thread after all this is your space and definitely want to stay mindful of that 🙏, however maybe you might be interested in what Auntglow mention too? 😊

Sorry about your night! Glad today has seemed a bit better. I definitely hear you re you appt tomorrow, I am wondering if ever focusing on the end goal if that could be distracting enough for your brain to not focus so much on the details of appt, like I am going to the appointment to check for any concerning skin lesions and if I do it’s picked up as early as possible?
focusing on the logical rather than the feeling has helped by brain in the past to get through things. Recently I had used imagery which I don’t use often but to place myself back in a particular space to relearn it can be a safe place as I was not keen on going back but knew it would be highly beneficial if I went back. So these two things have helped me in the past.

i am also wondering what had helped you go to those appointments in the past? Maybe what helped then could also help now ☺️. Oh and I forgot, sometimes planing something that has a bit of a reward involved after can be good, focusing on that has helped my brain, something like going to the store to get your favourite icecream or snack.
Definitely thinking of you ☀️

I am going ok thanks for asking 😊, I am looking forward to going home though definitely feel like a fish out of water out of my own comfort zone and miss my dog 🐶. Looking forward to seeing her again that’s for sure!

Hello lovelies! How are you both today? @Chasingsunsets @NightFury

Re: the trauma-informed hip opening yoga - what would you like to know? I studied trauma-informed yoga and learned a lot about how the body can hold emotion, and how safely moving and breathing through the body can facilitate emotional release. The focal point of our training was around being invititational and encouraging choice. So, if you decide to follow along with the video, remember that you get to decide what you do and how. You can stop at any point, slow down, speed up, sink deeper, or turn the video off altogether - that's the trauma-informed approach. Knowing that we don't have to do something can create even more safety in the body, and therefore, allow for a safer connection to our emotional selves. 💖