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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

You make a good point @AlwaysMyself maybe this one off psychiatrist, referred for a mental health assessment so that I can get a diagnosis, doesn't understand the whole context?

Also, just because I choose to rest now doesn't mean that I choose not to engage in the treatment plan. It means that I'm allowing myself to rest, so that I can engage in it and in my life better, with more energy.

I've pushed on before, and it was also detrimental. I ended up in burn out so severe, I was experiencing more than SI and I'm super aware that for me, burn out can exasserbate that SI and make things worse. Last time I was in burn out, I came very close to tapping out.

I have a lot of respect for you on your mission to discover what it means to enjoy things in your life again.

Thank you for sharing your experience with me. I feel like it does resonate and it does help.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury i love how you just put it:

"just because I choose to rest now doesn't mean that I choose not to engage in the treatment plan. It means that I'm allowing myself to rest, so that I can engage in it and in my life better, with more energy."

100% agree. Cannot express my support for this thinking enough. I would print it out and stick it on the wall if i could!

I believe it is so important for everyone to have this realisation - the long-term view, with understanding the short-term can vary in specific capacity and needs. 🥰

You brought happy tears to my eyes just now. 🥹

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

My thinking just kinda switched this morning @AlwaysMyself

My body, my mind, my energy is calling for rest. I know that once I start my Masters in January, and the new job starts, there's going to be a HUGE period of learning and adjusting and I know that will take energy and a good mindset. And I realised this morning, while taking Luna for a walk that this time last year, I chose to work through the holidays because it was easier to be at work than at home feeling unsafe and unwelcome, and the year before that...I was driving across Australia from Tassie to QLD. I haven't given myself a chance to stop like this in over two years.

it feels really important, even though it's uncomfortable for my nervous system, that I honour it. It's only uncomfortable because I'm not used to it.

So, I choose to rest and more importantly, I give myself permission to rest, knowing that when 2026 comes around I will re-engage in that treatment plan and in writing a new chapter of my life.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury How are you feeling today? I understand. I realise peer support need time off but I’m wondering if SANE could give the annual leave time at other times of year and not everyone at once during the hardest part of year. At our work we would rotate who worked Xmas/new year each year but there were always staff on.

It can be a shock being diagnosed with depression or any MH illness. Lots of feelings can arise. Your feelings are totally valid it’s ok to feel them. However, there’s nothing at all shameful in having depression. It doesn’t make you a lesser person and you’re not broken. You are still magnificent and in time you’ll feel more comfortable. When I first was diagnosed I told no one. I felt people would think differently about me in a bad way. But now I just tell people I feel safe telling.

Im sorry your brother strolls in and out if your life. That's really hard to have to live with.

Im on medication changes and in the middle of a major depressive episode and have zero appetite. I eat a small thing once a day at night and have to force myself. I really don’t know what to do to fix this. I barely can drink any water. Then I worry about it. Over and over. Apparently appetite will come back they say. I hope so cause my peripheral artery disease is going to suffer without proper nutrition.

You’re not inconsequential and I’m sad you are feeling that way. You’re a really caring person and I really do actually enjoy chatting with you. You’ve been kind and generous with your time.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @Cuddlebear

I read your reply earlier, but was doing Lego with Dreamy and I have a tendency to get overwhelmed with lots of things happening at the same time.

I started off the day in a mood (sick and tired of waking up tired) then did housework to distract myself for a bit, then hit a patch of reflection. Tonight, right now...my brain's a little "fizzy." I'm starting to feel a little tired, so my capacity declines a little and as it gets later and darker my anxiety rises.

My diagnosis wasn't really a shock, it was just...hard to hear. I knew I had anxiety, I had had some time to sit with the possibility of having OCD and felt it validated my experiences growing up. Depression was a different story. I don't know why. It just feels heavy.

Thank you for your kind words and sharing your experiences.

I think I've seen you talk about your medication changes on the forums and it sounds so tough. I'm sorry that you're going through it.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury That’s ok. I fell asleep from the medicines.

Im really glad you are doing the Lego with Dreamy.

Yes my tapering is brutal. It’s currently ongoing.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hey there @NightFury, how are you going? Just thought I’d stop by and say hi 😊

I was also wondering how your hip exercises were going? You got me interested the other day when I was reading about the exercises you were doing and did some scrolling back!

I found the link from Auntglow! I’d love to give the exercises a go one day but wanted to share that I just love how her dog was included in her video and even a foot rest at times hehe.

Hope you and Luna are doing ok 🙏

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @Chasingsunsets

Today's been really quiet. I went out this morning to the local markets. I brought some freshly picked apricots and I can't wait until they're ripe enough to eat.

I watched some of Dance Mom's. I know. It's terrible TV, but sometimes it helps to have terrible TV on in the background. I've just finished my book and I'm about to get ready to go out tonight. I have a ticket to the basketball.

I have managed to get through the stretching video once, but I've tried three times. Today, I didn't get through it all the way to the end. What comes up for me is frustration and anger. I've been in that mood all day, though, to be honest. My mood had been all over the place today.

I also chuckle everytime I try the stretching exercise because of the dog. She just...stretches around the dog.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hey @NightFury, the markets sound so good!

oh I love some trash tv ahah. Enjoy the basketball!

Interesting what comes up for you, is this after the hip exercises?
Yeah I don’t know what is it I always find myself all over the place over dec/jan and do generally feel others just off. I wonder when we will find a bit of calm.
I wonder what you find helpful when you are in an angry/ frustrated mood?

Haha I think her stretching with the dog is the absolute best and the dog doesn’t even care if she’s leaning on her haha. So good!!

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

The markets are a mixture of trash and treasure @Chasingsunsets but they always have local fresh seasonal fruit and veg.

The basketball is my new experience for January. I don't do New Years Resolutions, but I want to commit to trying something new once a month. It could be going to see a new play, or going to see a show, taking myself out to see a new movie, or going to eat someplace new.

No, it comes up during the exercises.

To answer your question...I don't know what's helpful for me when I'm angry or frustrated. I don't express it and I'll quickly put distance between myself and what's made me angry or frustrated. So...I know that's not particularly helpful.

What about you? What works for you?

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