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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

awwww thank you @MissGremlin , @NightFury , @AlwaysMyself 😍

I usually don`t have a cuppa at night , but I will tonight 😁

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AlwaysMyself my aim for these holidays is to allow myself to be, to do what I need to do for me, to process the last few months and to try and deal with the burnout with lots of rest. I want to be in a better state of mind, a better state of rest for when I start my new job.

I find that this goes against the psychiatrist care plan she built for me. I am supposed to be continuing to go to the gym, making an effort to socialise more, engage in things that I enjoy (I don't know really know what I actually enjoy any more), eat healthily and deal with my sleep by creating and sticking to a sleep routine.

I feel like...I want to do the opposite during the holidayd to try and give myself time and space to recover, recooperate some energy and reset ready for my new job. It's hard when it creates an internal conflict between what I need/want and what my team says I should be doing.

I will share my story regarding my half brother when the Peer Support Worker's come back, but someone might need to remind me?

The question that's come up about my depression is - am I always going to feel this way? I found myself googling, "how long does depression last?" Today...I guess my brain is trying to process it. And I guess it's part of the whole...acceptance thing, like the title of this thread...acceptance is hard work.

I think...I.accepted a long time ago that I live with anxiety, and my brain has been chewing over the possibility of OCD for a little while and I feel like...a diagnosis is a positive thing in that regard. But it's like...I heard Depression and it feels like a weight, like a heaviness settled on me.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you 😊 @AlwaysMyself

I will xx

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Yes I hear you @NightFury, Auntglow and all the peer support workers are amazing aren’t they. I hope they know their worth, they do so much here for everyone don’t they. Their work certainly doesn’t go unnoticed ☀️

Thinking of you 🙏

Chasingsunsets

@Shaz51 @AlwaysMyself @MissGremlin @Cuddlebear

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Very well said @Chasingsunsets 😍

Gives me an idea for a thread for the Peer support workers xxx

Goodnight @Chasingsunsets , @NightFury , @MissGremlin , @AlwaysMyself , @Cuddlebear , @Appleblossom see 👀 you in the morning my awesome friends 🧡

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Our Peer Support Workers are amazing @Chasingsunsets

And so is @Shaz51 for holding space while they're not here.

Good night, my friends.

@MissGremlin @AlwaysMyself @Cuddlebear

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Night @NightFury my sweet, I'll try to check in with you in the morning. But please don't take it to heart if I don't. It's not cos I don't care, it's just my memory is so messed up.

Hugs my beautiful friend ❤️

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Sounds awesome @Shaz51 looking forward to seeing your thread, you have been aaaaamazing on the forums, let me know where I can find you, if you have another thread of your own/ where you spend your time 💚

Im not on the forum much but nice to know where you spend your time if you’d like me to visit 😊


Hey @NightFury this came to mind after reading your post to @AlwaysMyself, my sister had an app called ‘motivation’ it’s an app that sends you quotes. Not sure if that would interest you, I just downloaded it today so new to it too, it tries to make you pay for some stuff but I just cancelled that and use the free version it offers 😊 screenshot below if it interests you 🙏, or any other of our forum friends 🫶 (many on the App Store not just this one ☺️)

@Shaz51 @MissGremlin @AlwaysMyself @Cuddlebear

 

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Shaz51

@AuntGlow will be back on the 7th, Wednesday I believe

@Jynx works weekends so I reckon they'll be back on Saturday for their usual afternoon/night shift

PSW's start again at 10am AEDT on Saturday the 3rd January

107 hours and 35 minutes

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hmm that is hard when your psychiatrist also has their own separate idea of what they think you "should" do, @NightFury .

My personal experience, my psychiatrists and some psychologists didn't understand my experience enough or how to help me enough to be able to guide me on how to find a sustainable way to live and cope with my depression. They taught me how to "keep pushing on" because that is what traditional psychiatry/psychology teaches for traditional temporary/episodic depression.

I think I've prob mentioned before in posts you have read that in the long-term this has actually caused more damage i think. Partley because it led me to believe i would never get "better" because i was doing everything they told me and still did not improve. But also because it led me to burnout, which needs the opposite of depression to recover.

The reason i mention this is i do have concern that your psychiatrist may be (well intent) leading you down the same path of "traditional" depression advice without pausing to really consider your existing burnout. And i think that could be dangerous, esp with SI concerns at times.

Of course my perception could also be tainted and tinted by my own experience. But i really resonate with what you have said over time about your burnout, fatigue, and "trying hard". And that makes me wonder if my experience is relevant for you also.

I think you know you best. And as a peer friend (obviously not a professional) i would recommend listening to yourself about the need for rest and reset and reengagement. I totally think that is a valid and OK thing to need and do. Actually it is very similar to myself at the moment because I need to rediscover what it feels like to "enjoy" again. And my life cant be balanced until i find that again.

If you find your depression is getting *worse* despite resting and doing what your soul feels it needs, then i would recommend reviewing what you are doing and THEN maybe trying to add in what might be missing that you DO find helpful from the psych lists (eg if a 5min walk helps mood - then try to add that in. But if it doesnt help? Don't add to your stress by forcing it.)

This is just my gut feel from my own experiments with myself over the last 20+ years of depression.

How long does depression last for?

It is different for everyone. I think many people it can be a few weeks or a few months. That i think is the majority of people with non-complex depression. Some people get it for a few months at a time, with spaces in between without depression - sometimes even a year or a few years! This seems to be quite common also from general population of depression.

But yes for some people it is more enduring or more frequent. In the general population, my depression is abnormal. However i do think we have a higher proportion of people on the forum (than in the general community) with this experience because of the support seeking for complex mental health and active members here more longterm.

BUT even *if* depression is more chronic or more frequent (NOT saying yours will be though!) there are ways to reduce the impact and improve quality of life. There is a lot of psychology and beliefs about our selves as people which helps with depression feelings too. I was much much worse when i did not have a positive value for myself, or when i believed most (instead of just some) of the world were ill-intent.

I hope this gives some food for thought, and that you are not alone. I will support you in whatever decision you make about either following your own gut feeling or the psych advice. 🥰🤗. You have no pressure from me one way or the other; you cannot disappoint me as long as you are safe and/or try to keep yourself alive. 😊🥰.

Hope you sleep well (if not already).

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