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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury I’m so sorry your granddad passed away. I know how hard it is at this time of year to miss those we love who have passed. I can see you are really hurting. Do you want to tell me some of the things you loved about your grand dad?

You won’t be alone. I’ll be here the whole time. We have amazing peer support workers but I promise you we are going to get through together with our lived experience and our friendship.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Night night @NightFury my sweet, I'll check in with you tomorrow morning ❤️

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

The one sentence I wrote in my journal today was..."I just wish that I could talk to @AuntGlow" and I know that sounds pretty pathetic and I don't want to put anyone else down who has shown up here to support me in this space...

I know that AuntGlow is away enjoying her well earned Christmas holidays, but I can still post as if I'm talking to her.

I've been quiet here over the last couple of days. It feels different without the Peer Support Workers around. And I'm sitting at home by myself over the Christmas break really struggling to allow myself to rest. I get frustrated at how restless I am. Yesterday, I was falling asleep on the couch so I went and laid down on my bed. I was only going to nap for half an hour, but an hour and 21 minutes later, I woke up. And I didn't want to be awake and then I was angry with myself because allowing myself to rest like that, allowing myself to stop - my brain feels like that's me giving in. And now that's come with the voice of the psychiatrist from my appointment before Christmas - I am not trying hard enough.

I'm processing a few things...

I sae my half brother for the first time in years on Christmas Day, and that night, I woke up in the middle of the night angry at him. I was angry because he walks in and out of my life and doesn't stop to think about the impact that has. It's a whole story, which I will share if you would like me to.

Also, I realised that my diagnosis...I've always known I've had anxiety. I've lived with it what feels like my whole life. And the OCD diagnosis is validating - it contradicts my Mum's words, "that I'm doing it for attention." But being diagnosed with depression has hit me a little harder.

My own thoughts are trying to gas light me...

"I don't have depression. I can move about my day and work."

"It's not as bad as what other forum members experience..."

There's a little bit of shame there. I told my friend about my diagnosis, but left out the depression diagnosis. I don't really understand why I'm ashamed of it.

Today, I met and had coffee with an old friend. We grew up a couple of houses down from each other, we studied teaching together. She got me my first ever teaching job and we chatted about our students and their epic personalities, our school, our class, the year we had and I realised that I haven't processed my job change yet. I'm still calling them "my" students, "my" school, "my" principal. And I wonder when it will shift? I know no one can answer that question for me.

I'm having some side effects of the medication - eye twitches, my anxiety twitch in my shoulder has gotten more pronounced, stomach upset and I've lost my appetite.

I'm trying to work my way through the appetite thing at the moment. I eat, because I know that I need to...not because I want to, or because I'm hungry. I literally go through the whole internal conflict of..."It's 7 pm, you need to eat something for dinner..." "but I don't want to eat..." "well, it's dinner time so you need to."

So far during the holidays...I went to the movies, I've had a couple of really uncomfortable rest days, I've met a friend for coffee, I've been working on "one house work job a day" concept my counsellor and I talked about so that I didn't do all the jobs every day to avoid rest and sitting with my emotions, I've taken Luna on a couple of walks, I did the hip opening exercises that AuntGlow linked to, I've finished a book, I've napped more than usual, I did AuntGlow's parts exercise she shared with me, and made the effort to connect with people in spite of feeling very disconnected, inconsequential and alone.

Tagging a few people. You don't need to respond. I just needed a space to vent. I don't need anything.

@MissGremlin @Cuddlebear @Jynx @AlwaysMyself @Shaz51

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

The one sentence I wrote in my journal today was..."I just wish that I could talk to @AuntGlow"

Sending you understanding hugs @NightFury as I am feeling the same

and you are not the only one my friend , sooo many here feel the same xx

even @avant-garde has given me the days, the hours and the minutes when some of the PSW (peer support workers) will be back which is next Monday and knows who will be here first

it has been quiet here and I feel like I am trying to run the forum by myself and finding it hard to be everywhere

It does tell us @NightFury that how well our peer support workers are on the forum

@AlwaysMyself , @Cuddlebear , @MissGremlin , @DownMoreThanUp , @Chasingsunsets , @Appleblossom @Oaktree

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I'm sure that no-one expects you to be everywhere @Shaz51 but the fact that you are trying says a lot about how much you care about making sure that people feel supported.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I'm sure that no-one expects you to be everywhere --- true @NightFury but I want to be here xx

but the fact that you are trying says a lot about how much you care about making sure that people feel supported. --- thank you @NightFury , I do xx

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I would like to respond @NightFury , I find your update quite interesting and insightful. 😊

It sounds to me like you have done a lot of positive things as per your plan with you psychologist and AuntGlow. 🥰. And that it includes rest time and not overdoing it too - this I find also is a very important thing for me.

Like you mention, sometimes I try to do ALL the jobs on one day -- and that usually ends pretty bad at the end of the day for me 😅. Much healthier for me to just pick one (or two smaller) tasks per day to do as a goal.

I am sorry that ypur psychiatrists comment is still playing in your mind. I really feel their comment was harmful and misleading, in the way that both you and I interpret it. What if "trying hard" meant trying to stick to the plans you made with the psychologist and AuntGlow when ypu are able to? Knowing of course that sometimes things happen or feelings happen which can mean it is not possible for a day or two - and that is normal and OK. But long-term trying to keep on-plan and adjust the plan as you go based on what *is* or is not working well for you...?

I am interested to hear more about ypur background with your half-brother -- but only if you feel comfortable and it does not harm you to talk about. I also know that if it is very difficult maybe waiting until the PSW are back online for extra support might be a wise idea too. But you know yourself best and guide what YOU need. 🥰. I trust you.

I often have zero interest in food - unless it is not healthy for me. But i know it is important for me to eat nutrition and not unhealthy food (i am obese clinically). I found for myself the VLCD food bars are good for this. So easy to eat and no effort. And have nutritional balance. I have now been using them for 1-2 meals a day for 3 months i think.

I would be interested to discuss/explore your feelings towards your depression diagnosis if you would like? I have had depression since i was 11 year old. As a youth i was ashamed and hid it from everyone, or nearly everyone. As i got older i learned to accept it more and be able to share my diagnosis with others who i saw similar patterns of concern in or who were experiencing symptoms and seeking a supportive friend. It has been a long journey to accept it as a most-likely-permanent / life-long condition for me that limits/prevents my ability to work. There are people who i still do not tell because i do not think it would be safe or beneficial to, and there is no need for them to know. It is in my control who i tell, and why i tell. I think that sense of control is important.

Stigma is real, and feeling ashamed is a common feeling. It is OK to feel that. Be gentle with yourself. Be a friend to yourself. It took me nearly 10 years to really be OK to accept it. And even more years to accept that I cannot work fulltime. I felt "broken" and "defective". But even if I am - its not my fault, and it does not make me any less valuable. I still contribute to the lives of people i interact with in a positive way. Actually, my depression makes me more able to support and undersrand others. 🥰. My depression has given me a lot of wisdom from a young age.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hugs @Shaz51 I'm glad that you're here sitting with us.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Oh @Shaz51 , i hope you remember to look after yourself. Your heart is so lovely to help keep the forum chats going and supporting people. I am concerned also for YOUR needs and support -- Please know you can always tag me. I may not be on the social threads as much when i am busy, but I do try to check people's personal threads as i know a lot of support needs are in those, so i prioritise them.

Please do tag me in any threads seeking support where you think i can help support or chat. Esp depression and SI topics, as that is my personal experience.

And please do keep tagging me in how YOU are, and how I can help SUPPORT YOU too. 🥰🤗. You are an amazing person and also equally deserve as much support. I wish everyone could return to you also the level of suppprt and care you give out. I see you.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hello @NightFury my sweet, im not up for trying to respond but I have read your post. I'm struggling also without the peer support workers being here although @Shaz51 is doing an amazing job and I'm grateful to still have you and others to connect with here.

Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone, I'm here for you. I'm sorry I've been a bit quiet, I'm just completely flat and I feel like anything more than a little bit of a chit chat is too overwhelming.

Sending you hugs beautiful ❤️

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