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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you @Jynx

It is difficult, but thank you for reminding me that it's not impossible.

I think this week, I just want to focus on allowing myself to rest and to process and to engage in reading and doing things that are calming and soothing. I'll go from there.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Anytime @NightFury it can be hard to see that light when we're so deep in the darkness, so I'm always happy to help remind folks that nothing about us is set in stone 💜

Sounds like a really good place to start!

Hope your Sunday has been treating you well 😊

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Good afternoon @NightFury,

How are you feeling today?

How have things been going regarding self-compassion/noticing when you're not in a space of self-compassion? 💖

I completely get that. I think it's all about slowy increasing your ability to sit in that space over time. Also meditation doesn't have to be quiet or still, in fact, trying to force ourselves into that place can be more dysgregulating. Next time, I encourage you to listen to a meditation and follow what your body is asking for - walking around, stretching, patting Luna, curling up in a little ball on the ground - anything that feels like releasing and finding what feels good for you.

I actually tried some yoga nidra the other day and it was very interesting how easily I fell into a calm and sleepy space. I wonder if you could try following a video?

Okay, I can do that! I will find the exercise and pop it in another comment.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @AuntGlow How are you? How was your weekend?

I've kind of been a bit all over the shop today. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night, which probably doesn't help. I woke up anxious about taking my meds again, convinced myself to take it by mid morning, then was anxious about the fact that I took my meds. I did a couple of housework jobs, then gave Luna a hair cut and a bath. I sat down with a cup of coffee and was hit with exhaustion and just...feeling down and heavy. I kept moving and finished off my jobs.

I've been restless mentally and haven't been able to settle on anything to watch on TV. It's kind of just on at the moment, while I colour in. A post in forum land was hard to read, and I needed something...and my brain wanted something creative. I'm almost feeling done with it now though.

I've been able to notice when I'm not acting from a place of self-compassion, but I haven't been able to catch it or prevent it.

I'm not very stretchy, so I'm not very good at yoga. But, I was thinking about trying some gentle stretching and seeing how that makes me feel.

Thank you for that @AuntGlow

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Sitting with you @NightFury whilst you're colouring with the TV on (and when it's finished).

I'm glad you decided to do some colouring as a way of being creative and regulating when you noticed yourself. I think that is a sign of self-compassion, or at least it is in my own books. 😋. But even if it isn't in yours, the fact that you are starting to notice when you are not in a self-compassionate mindset -- that is an amazing thing because that is the first step! We can't even consider changing our mindset or behaviours if we don't first recognise them. Even if you don't, I'm celebrating that as a small 'win' for you within myself. 😍

Is there anything I can offer you this evening?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I don't really know what counts as self-compassion @AlwaysMyself so not sure what I class as self-compassion.

Thank you for making me think about my idea of what self-compassion is and how to show it.

You've already offered me something, AlwaysMyself.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury 😍🤗 I'm glad I could.

I'm grateful that I am (usually) good at self-compassion. However, I am not very good at self-care 😅. But I am trying to "wrote learn" it even if I don't feel it. Taking time out to do my painted figures is part of this for me.

...and so was buying a bottle of iced coffee milk at the supermarket today when I felt sad, even though I am trying to not "eat my feeling" and trying to lose weight 😅 - but I buy the skim-milk and no-added-sugar one, so I am trying to balance it. 😉

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Self care is hard @AlwaysMyself I don't know about you, but I have a tendency to put others first.

It's all about balance, I think. All in moderation and all in balance.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Yep, I do too @NightFury . But I am learning to first check-in with myself on how I feel before offering help to people, and learning to not offer if I feel tired or needing my own space. I still find it harder when someone asks me face-to-face / on-the-spot if I wish to say "no", but I am getting better at it - in part which is learning ways I can apologise that I can't help at that time or in that way whilst still expressing that I care and wish I could and want to support them.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I am quite sleepy today!! I had a very big weekend at a music event and a friendsmas, which was really fun. What did you end up doing? @NightFury 🫶

I 100% understand this feeling... I remember having to have a friend's dad on the phone when I took my medication for the first time because I was so scared about what would happen! Know that I am here with you virtually and I trust that you will be okay.

Feeling down and heavy makes sense... what happens when you ask that heavy part what it needs tonight?

I understand, it can be tough to decide on something to watch or do when we are feeling this way. Say you had the energy and space to do anything creative, what would it be?
That's okay, that's an amazing effort!! The noticing is such an important start - you may sit in that space for a little bit before you can working on challenging/changing behviour, and that is more than okay.

Oh, yoga nidra is actually a form of meditation!! So there are no stretches needed. 🫶 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4VuYUeOEnA

In saying this, gentle stretching of your hips could be really helpful for emotional release. I will also add a trauma-informed video for you to try:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24qDdn2QXjk

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