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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you for saying so, @Shaz51 ❤️

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury yeah me too!! Will be thinking of my forums fam for sure!!

Yeah I think this time of year is also just... generally kinda exhausting too, hey. Aw last game, how'd you go? Gonna miss it? Any plans for your time off?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx we got a win. I'm not going to miss it, it's been hard to find the motivation to show up so It'll be nice to have a break.

I don't want to do anything in my time off. I want to nap when I need to, sit and read my way through my to-read pile, drink coffee, watch TV and allow myself to stop for a while...

But it feels so, against everything the psychiatrist said the other day. And when people ask me that question - they give me this strange look when I tell them that I don't want to do anything.

What about you?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury

We are joining you

With the year have had, we don't feel like doing anything or going anywhere

@Jynx

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It's been a big year and I'm just so exhausted @Shaz51 so I'll be sitting with you.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury honestly that sounds absolutely perfect. Your holiday plans are to 'do nothing', which is something I think we all need sometimes hey!

May I ask what's in your 'to-read' pile? 👀

I'm curious about like...what the psych said, was there other instruction other than 'try harder' (or...work really hard I think it was)?

Because something to remember is that recovery isn't something that's gonna resolve in a couple of weeks. It's not like taking a much needed break to help recover from burnout is gonna somehow 'ruin your progress' or is somehow 'not trying hard enough'. In fact, I'd argue that you are still gonna have to be trying pretty hard to be able to 'do nothing', cos I think you are like me and struggle to slow down!

Relevant meme haha

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx in my to-read pile is...

Brimstone - Callie Hart

Alchemised - Sen Lin Yu

The Wolf King - Lauren Palphreyman

She said that as part of my care plan I need to try hard to engage more socially, to do exercise like going to the gym, to eat healthily and maybe see a dietician, to engage in more specialised therapy and to do the things that I enjoy.

Doing nothing, allowing myself to stop is going to be really challenging for me. When I stop my brain ruminates, the thoughts take off and I feel super restless, anxious and emotional. But...I need to stop.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury oooh are they like young adult fantasy or more adulty fantasy? Or mayhap some fantastical romance hehe

Those are all pretty reasonable goals, but it sounds like it's still feeling really overwhelming for you to try to imagine it - which is so valid!!

I think doing like... nothing nothing maybe isn't the best plan - cos like you say, that's when your mind gets more active in its rumination, which can be really hard to sit with.

I found this lovely lil quote in an article about autistic burnout -

"Navigating Autistic burnout requires you to listen to your body and acknowledge your emotions; to tune into your needs rather than measuring yourself by neurotypical standards. It means giving yourself permission to just be. The best defence against burnout is living authentically and being in touch with who you are."

I think maybe it's less about what was recommended and more about the way it was given to you - as though it was another big checklist of things you need to do or you will 'be a failure'. Maybe you could take a look at the suggestions in this article, and choose one or two that feel like a) they could help you, or are more appealing, and b) are actually feasible to accomplish with the energy you have right now. Like instead of aiming for 'This week I need to see friends go to the gym eat healthy do some hobbies and book appt with specialist' and trying to do all of those things at once, you could say 'This week I am just going to focus on my hobbies and catch up on some reading'.

Introducing these things slowly and in pace with where your energy is at may make it more approachable, and if you're only picking one thing at a time to focus on, there's less chance of it kicking off a shame spiral when you can't do everything on your list right away.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

More adulty fantasy @Jynx I've started Brimstone and it's a little...toe curling. Lol.

I just...

I spend most of my life trying and failing. I tried to be a good teacher, and to fit in at the school I was working at and failed. I tried to be a good daughter and fit in with my family and failed. I tried to be a good friend in QLD and failed. I try so hard...

I've tried to get back into gym life recently and I'm struggling with it. I try to do the things that I enjoy...and I don't enjoy them and then I spiral. I try to go out and do the social things and I'm really bad at it. I try to eat properly and then...end up eating my feelings.

I think it's overwhelming because it's all the stuff that feels really sensitive and vulnerable for me...stuff that I already feel like I'm failing at.

I like your suggestion of choosing one or two things from the article to focus on, instead of all of the things at once.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Oooh colour me intrigued @NightFury hehe

I was reading along with what folks shared in AlwaysMyself's Anhedonia thread, so I do totally get it, and understand why it feels like it's all too much. It's quite hard to break out of the mindset that 'unable to do something' = 'I'm a failure'. It's also difficult to move out of a mindset where we take that sense of failure into our sense of identity, i.e. moving from like, 'I can't achieve x, I am a failure' to 'I can't achieve x, I failed today but can try again tomorrow'. Difficult... but not impossible.

I hope you are able to figure out what feels like something approachable/achievable to focus on, and I hope you can maybe remind yourself that failure isn't a bad thing, it's a human thing - and every time we fail or make a mistake is an opportunity to learn.

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