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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Well done @AuntGlow congratulations on achieving that.

Setting some intentions for the holiday period and checking in, sounds lovely. I would like that, if you're up for it?

Thank you for saying that, for acknowledging and reminding me that it's okay to do it slowly, and it's valid to feel resistance to it. I had someone who taught me to push through that resistance and it would cause panic attacks (which I hate having). So, thank you. One sentence a day sounds do-able.

My Scottish friend has a house full of family and friends from Scotland for Christmas. I wouldn't want to bother her or interrupt her family time.

There are lots of things coming up re this assessment. I don't like talking about what I connect with being my OCD brain. There's shame and embarrassment there. My OCD brain isn't logical. It would get me in trouble with my parents and I have my Mum's voice in my head telling me, "I'm just doing it for attention." What if I do have OCD? What if I don't? How will I feel about it all?

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Morning @AlwaysMyself I'm sorry if I said something to upset you last night.

Your suggestions were good ones, I just...I don't know. I'm sorry.

I hope you have a good second last day. Thinking of you.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Oh, @NightFury you did not upset me at all last night! 🥰 i went to watch a tv show with my mother 🤗.

Hmm a whole household of family members for a week or more... if i were ypur friend I'd be begging for an afternoon excuse to get away from the group of family and see a friend quietly! 🤭🤭🤭🤭😅

Re: OCD i dont know if my humour will help, but what came to mind instantly when reading your comment was, "well, if they diagnose you with OCD no one can ever be justified in claiming they think you do it for attention!!" 😅 because OCD is a recognised brain compulsion/pattern, and not by choice!!

(In saying this, i absolutely DO NOT believe that a non-diagnosis would in any way indicate that it were attention seeking behaviours! I dont believe people deliberately distress themselves! And seeking help or support or acknowledging that things are how they are -- that is not "attention seeking", that is support-seeking and a positive thing 🥰. Yes it may involve getting attention, but in a HEALTHY and APPROPRIATE type of attention. We all need that!)

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Oh, and yes, T-1 for work today!! 😁 just logging into my work computer now so i shall have to go as it is now loading.

Hope you have a great day also @NightFury . Is today also your 2nd last?

(I forget which days of the week you work; i am M/t/w)

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you @AlwaysMyself

Today is my second last. We have a half day with the kids tomorrow, then a half day with the staff on Thursday, but today is my second last teaching day. I work five days a week, but the kids finish on Wednesday at 12.30 pm, and we finish on Thursday at lunch time. We have our staff Christmas party on Friday.

Thank you for saying so re the OCD assessment.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

*insert support button action for @NightFury * (and mine had been working so well this past week! lol)

Hope today went well?

Only 2x half-days for you to go! 😁

My workmates did a goodbye coffee this morning and bought me a bunch of flowers. 😍. Felt very appreciated by them; been working with them for 5 months. My "permanent" team I had been working with for nearly 4 years when I left for this transfer, they did not even do a coffee/lunch or a card or even say goodbye on my last day (and most of them would know I am unlikely to return). Others that have left in the past 4 years from that team have all had at least a lunch outing as a farewell (even one who was a 6mth temp who was returning to another internal team, but still a coworker in the same office), and everyone who was leaving permanently was given a group card and present also. I say this to highlight the vast difference between the team I have been with for the past 5 months, and how lovely and supported and valued I have felt by them, where this has not been the case over the past 12 months in my permanent role (hence the transfer due to escalating problems).

I hope the students give you lovely cards or nice words, or whatever the modern equivalent is. 😍. I hope they make you feel valued and appreciated too.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AlwaysMyself we spent the day cleaning and scrubbing the classroom, so it was a busy day.

A coffee and a bunch of flowers with your work mates sounds like a lovely way to say goodbye.

Ahaha...your hopes for the students to give me nice words is hillarious, given the gift I was presented with today. Lol. One of my students handed me this...all lovely and wrapped.

I laughed when I opened it.  

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you!! @NightFury

Of course, let's do it. What is something you would really love to do for yourself, that you haven't done for a while?

I totally hear you. There are times we can veer out of our comfort zone, and then there are times where it's too much - and you will know. For me it's that feeling of, 'I am going to absolutely break if I do this vs, gah, I really don't want to do this, but I know it will help me if I do.'

Do you have a sentence for today?

I can understand that and you're very considerate. I do get the sense she wouldn't mind being there for you at all though. 🥰

All of these thoughts and feelings are so understandable. I felt the same way. Maybe sitting with the knowledge that this is actually a very, very normal part of exploring a diagnosis could be helpful?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I'm not sure of the answer to that question @AuntGlow it feels like an answer that I could get wrong...even though I know there are no wrong answers. I want to say...that I would like to give myself a few days of doing nothing - no work, no jobs around the house, no job applications, no guilt - just a good book, some movies and time to nap if and when my body needs it. I haven't done it for a while because it's when I stop that my emotions come up.

My sentence for today...

It's my last day teaching and I don't know how I feel about that.

I have my assessment appointment this evening, via video call. It does help to hear that you felt the same way and that it is a normal part of the process.

I've been awake since 3 am, today's a big day and it feels...complex.

@AlwaysMyself @Shaz51

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I think a few days of doing nothing sounds great @NightFury 😊 a "holiday" can totally be at home! Order food in if you want just like a holiday would be. And you save on accommodation costs of a hotel somewhere 😉.

What are the barriers to taking a few days off to do nothing except what brings you satisfaction/enjoyment?

Is it only your own sense of guilt, or practical things also?

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