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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I have loved it @AuntGlow and I still love parts of it - like working with the kids. I just don't love all of my job any more. And, I've had to acknowledge and face the impact it has on my mental health.

I don't think I've given myself time and space to acknowledge how hard it's been...let alone to process it. I had to be single minded with it - I needed to focus on getting a job.

It will be perfect for me - it feels right.

@Jynx I always forget that two things/emotions are allowed to exist at the same time...

It was a cry that was sitting on my chest, and has made it feel lighter and easier to breathe.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hugs @Shaz51 I hope you and Mr Shaz have recovered from your flu.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I really get that, and sitting with that nuance can be so vulnerable. @NightFury

You did exactly what you had to do over the past few months - You have fought and pushed so hard to get to where you are... and often, after a long period of being in this space, softening and slowing down can feel really uncomfortable/overwhelming. Know that this is very human.

I was just thinking, I wonder if you could create a 'goodbye' ritual to this chapter of your life? To allow for grief to come up, but to also invite in what's to come? 💖

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Glad that it released some stuff for you @NightFury. I wish you all the best with these last few days and that you have some time to process it all too. Catch up with you next week lovely 💜

(づᴗ _ᴗ)づ♡

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I think @AuntGlow that I'm tired of all the pushing and fighting. And I really want to slow down and be gentle with it and with myself. I think that maybe my intention for the holidays...slowing down, treating myself with gentleness, and allowing myself the time and space to rest, to process and to release. If I'm honest with you, I am a little fearful of that process.

A goodbye ritual is an interesting idea. I'm not sure what it would look like, but I'll think on it.

I have my OCD assessment this week and my last three days of teaching.

How are you? How was your weekend?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I completely hear you and I resonate with this a lot... what could slowing down look like over the next couple of weeks? @NightFury

Fear around this process is so valid. I understand completely. What would make it easier to be with that fear?

Hmm, maybe we can brainstorm? ✨ I think writing a letter to thank your teacher self for all she has done would be really lovely.

Wow, this is a big week for you - how is it all sitting?

I am well. I worked pretty much all weekend! I am looking forward to slowing down as well. 💖

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @AuntGlow I'm glad to hear that you're well. It sounds like you work so hard.

This week slowing down looks like...having less events and activities to attend after work. The following week I'm on holidays and I really want to allow myself to rest by...sleeping in, reading, watching TV and not having to rush around and do all the things.

I don't know what would make it easier to sit with the fear. I'm worried that the emotions are going to hit and I'm not going to know what to do with them...and It's Christmas so I'll be doing it on my own.

Writing a letter to my teacher self is a good idea. I could give it a go and see how it feels. It feels...I'm kind of reluctant, I don't know why...maybe it's the idea of thanking my teacher self that feels uncomfortable. Maybe it's just the idea of facing those emotions?

I'm nervous about my OCD assessment.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury i forget where you live (urban or rural), reading your concern about being overwhelmed with the emotions when sitting with the fear, i was wondering if your region has any "walk in" MH supports that will be open that you could go to as a safe place to sit and process, so that if you need support they are nearby?

Alternatively if there is a really trusted friend or family member that could agree to be on-call to come over to your place if you feel overhwelmed?

Not sure if either idea is practical for your situation, but just throwing ideas around that come to mind for what i might do if i were in your shoes. I hope that is ok to post. Ignore if you wish though 😊.

Thinking of you as we both count down our final days in our current work. 🥰

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I'm in suburbia @AlwaysMyself

I don't think we have any walk in MH clinics or supports here. And I don't really have that kind of person in my life...

Thank you for the suggestions though. They are good ideas.

Is it your last week too?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I have been working very hard to pay off my debts 💅 hehe but now I am ready to save!! @NightFury

Ah, that sounds SO nice. Maybe we can set some intentions together and check-in? I have been meaning to come back to my 'one small promise a day'.

I understand what you mean... you have some really wonderful people in your chat here, so I would definitely turn to them if you can.

I think that feeling resistance to being in connection with this fear is so incredibly valid. And maybe you really do need to distract for a bit? Our bodies are wise and know when something might flood us emotionally, so it's okay to slowly explore a feeling over time. Maybe you could write one sentence a day? Literally just one! For example, "I don't want to go there right now" and then maybe one day it will go deeper?

I am just thinking, would your Scottish friend hold space for you to talk things out?

What are you most nervous about re: your OCD assessment? 💛

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