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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

AHHH! Oh my gosh, this is such amazing news to come back to.

You must be so happy (and relieved) hehe @NightFury

I hope this is a gentle reminder that you can absolutely trust yourself and divine timing - that things will work out because you do the work and you're good at what you do.

Tell me more about this role please!! 😍

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @AuntGlow how are you?

I am relieved, but I feel as if I'm too exhausted to really celebrate or even process it at the moment. Which is a bit of a shame, but I'm just letting it be what it is. The celebration and acknowledgement can come a little later with some rest under my belt.

I start on the 1st of Feb, working as a Behaviour Support Practitioner with an independent company. I have to wait until Feb to start because I need to get registered and approved by the NDIS first. That's okay with me though, because it means that I still get my holidays.

I will be working with individuals (Children and Adults), their teachers, their families and their supports, to do functional behaviour assessments (assess the function behind challenging behaviours) and create support plans to improve/reduce those behaviours. I then teach the skills required to put those plans into place and monitor the progress. It's a hybrid position - some office hours, some travelling to schools, homes, work places etc. It's a full time position, and I also get a rostered day off a fortnight.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Maybe I can't just let it be what it is... @AuntGlow @Jynx

I've got those..."maybe I'm broken," thoughts because, I was super excited and relieved and happy about getting a new job, and then, I was hit with the realisation that I'm done teaching and this week will be my last three days as a teacher and today...I feel kind of numb about it all.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Not being able to 'let it be' makes sense whilst you're literally still there @NightFury. I dunno about you, but my brain processes change a little weirdly. It's like it doesn't acknowledge physically that change is coming until it's upon me. Like I can know in my mind something is gonna happen, (even if it's just like, going on a trip or something, let alone really big changes), but I don't feel the impact of it until it happens - and then all the feelings kinda crash down on me. Does this resonate with how you're feeling?

You don't have to suddenly be over your grief just because you secured a position. We're complex creatures and can feel all sorts of ways at once. Maybe you were so focused on the anxiety of not having a job, that now that that is sorted, all the grief is hitting harder, cos there's more 'space' for it now. Nothing broken about you.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Your reply brought on the tears @Jynx

I want to be so excited about this job and I am! I really am. And it's such a relief! It breaks the spiral of..."I won't have a job, I'll loose the house because I won't be able to pay the rent, I will have to live in my car with Luna until I realise that I can't take care of her properly and then will have to rehome her." I don't have to worry...

But I don't think it's as easy to convince my body and the anxiety stored within in that it's okay, that we're going to be okay.

And I think you're right about the grief... i think yoy're right about spending so much energy, time and focus on worrying about the future and now that's not a problem any more, I have to deal with all my other emotions from the last four months.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I completely understand why big feelings are coming up for you @NightFury.

You are an extremely heart-led person, so it makes sense why you would be feeling heavy about leaving teaching... you love it and you have made a real impact in your time at school. Saying goodbye to something like this is never easy, and you're allowed to honor that. Two experiences and feelings can absolutely exist at once, and like Jynx said, you don't have to be over your grief (even when a really exciting thing is happening).

And as you mentioned, you're feeling exhausted, which tells me that maybe you're still needing to process just how hard this has all been before you? 💛

Then once you have allowed yourself to have that space and time... you can sit with how you feel about this new role. And honestly, it sounds perfect for you. I am so proud. 🥹

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thinking of you this evening @NightFury , as you embark on your final week of work for the year/job. Be gentle with yourself, change can be confronting and feel strange - even if excited for the path ahead too. Mixed emotions is totally understandable in my books. Wishing you the best "final week". I'm pretty sure your teaching skills will come in useful in your new role too as you support people.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury 🥺

I have totally been in a place where it wasn't until someone said the right thing at the right time that I was able to let floodgates open and give myself permission to feel my feelings. I hope it was a cry that has you feeling a little lighter after 💜

It'll probably take some time for those four months to 'catch up' - especially in this moment as things are in that period of bittersweetness. The excitement will come, but you're definitely in a transitional period so it's okay that you're not quite feeling it yet.

(づ ᴗ _ᴗ)づ♡

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Sending hugs @NightFury and sitting with you my friend 🧡

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you @AlwaysMyself thank you for thinking of me and sending me your best wishes for this week. I return the sentiment and wish you have a week that treats you well.

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