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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3919 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Till23 it sounds like you have a good firewood system that works for you. I haven't managed to figure one out yet.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I've been here for about 5 years though @NightFury, so I have optimised it

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

How are you going today @NightFury - enjoying your "day off"

The rain has eased this morning, although still raining early in morning, so missed out on sport training.

The sun has had a brief moment of trying to break through the cloud, it hasn't succeeded yet! My backyard is a swamp. I cleaned the ashes out of my fire to take down backyard - I just sunk into the ground! Even though I had shoes on, I had to rinse off my feet before coming inside, should have worn my gum boots :face_with_rolling_eyes:

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Till23 I had an exceptionally rough night. I'm exhausted, feeling very fragile and shaky and spending the day trying to regulate and calm my farm. I just need a moment. I just wanted to respond to let you know the reason why I'm not around much today.

I'm glad the rain has eased for you.

@tyme

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Oh I'm sorry to hear that @NightFury you know there's never any pressure to respond. Takes as long as you need or like.

I hope you have some strategies, like distractions to help calm your nervous system. I'll be here on and off if a chat might help.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hugs. @NightFury . It's totally okay to want a break to have a rest. It sounds like you had a big week. Thank you for popping in to let us know. We hope you rest up and we are looking forward to connecting with you over the weekend.

Take care, hun.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tymemaybe over the weekend we can have a chat about why I have barriers to getting more support? If you have time and opportunity.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

This week might be a bit busy for me. Feel free to tag me Sunday evening. Depending on who else is on shift, I would certainly like to chat about it @NightFury

Or, you may even want to start a new thread to get community insights too. Whilst I may be able to speak from my own experiences, I'm mindful that we are all different.

I guess why some people have barriers to getting support (not necessarily you) is:

- not really ready to change

- fear of doing something differently

- stigma

- relationship challenges

- living in crisis which means support has to work with crisis before it can have a therapeutic effect

- societal pressures

- not being able to set aside protected time due to competing priorities (work, family)

- cost of long term support

- finding the right support is not easy

- long wait lists

- some conditions require medication to get a person to a baseline that allows them to practice strategies

- some conditions require extended therapy which people may not be able to afford.

- other factors are impacting your MH e.g physical health challenges.

These are just a few things I have brainstormed for people in general. These are the ones I come across most frequently.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Sorry to slide into this conversation @tyme and @NightFury I agree with all of the things you have said tyme, but I can think of some other pretty common ones, some of which I have felt, and I know from some of my previous experience and current volunteering that many others feel.

Some people don't think they are worth it,

or they don't somehow deserve to get help

or they "should" be able to handle life themselves

or they are so used to doing everything for themselves and relying only on themselves, they're not sure how to ask for help

asking for help makes them anxious, because they've previously been told they just need to do x, y or z

or if they need help it means something is really wrong with them or

if anybody esp work finds out it might threaten their job or career etc

or the shame of talking about their experiences is really overwhelming

I am not saying any of these apply to you @NightFury but they are reasons.

Often, I think, it's a combination of things, that stop people from reaching out.

I hope it was OK to add a few other barriers in this thread

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme @Till23 thank you for your replies...

I started a thread over here - Barriers to seeing support

It seemed like something that might be common and that others can weigh in on.

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