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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3919 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow I didn't just read it again, I read it about four times, just trying to process.

Thank you for helping me to understand maybe why those two experiences are so challenging for me at the moment. My brain needs to know the whys, I like to be able to understand what's happening. Both experiences also make me feel - powerless and small, insignificant. They also both make me feel as if I'm in conflict with myself - fighting myself and things that are far too deep within me.

You haven't mentioned it no - but I have considered it. When I first left, whether to write her a letter and send it. All I wanted then was to get myself out and get distance. I didn't want contact because it was all a little too much. I'm not sure I could write it without becoming far too emotional and really putting the blame on her. I'm not sure...the blame rests entirely on her. I withdrew, my triggers and childhood experiences made me hide away in my bedroom and not talk to her beyond the pleasantries, after trying and failing over and over again, I gave up on trying to mend the friendship and improve things between us. When I came back from Fiji with a slightly more confident attitude, I started to take up more space in the house, make more noise, speak my mind and feelings more, and that was uncomfortable for her. I broke things.

I have a collection of fidgets. I don't sit still on the best of days and I pace and sway and have the leg bob going all the time. So, I went slightly overboard and brought different kinds of fidgets to try. I have a box of them. My go to's though - Needoh icecube and my spinner ring that I wear when I go out in public. I also brought some spikey rings that apply pressure, and you can't wear them for long periods of time due to circulation concerns, but I like the feel of them.

I actually really self-conscious about using fidgets in public. I go through days where I put a fidget in my pocket to go out, or to go to work and then convince myself to put it away...again with the shoulds...I'm an adult, I should be able to function without it.

@Till23 I set incredibly high standards for myself, Impossibly high standards and feel like a failure when I don't achieve them. But also...I had incredibly high standards set for me in my childhood. My parents value perfectionism...for example, nothing was ever good enough until it was done perfectly. I was never good enough until I was dressed to their standards, behaved to their standards, spoke to their standards, even down to how I sat in a chair was scrutinised and still is.

I think that's what I do...especially with work - use expectations to push myself forward. You know...like...I should be able to hold myself together here, I should have control of my anxiety, I should behave in a certain way, I should be able to keep up with everything we need to do, I should be able to stay calm in the classroom when I'm overstimulated and triggered...it's really exhausting, to be honest.

Maybe we should start a thread 😄 I was taught a strategy for turning the shoulds around through rewording them...I don't use it because my shoulds are many and often I don't even realise I'm carrying them, but...maybe I can share it. It might benefit someone?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hey @NightFury hope your day goes well today. You've really come a long way since you started on the forums. I think you are able to share more than previously.

I'd love to know your strategy fof the "shoulds"

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Till23 maybe I'll share...

I don't feel like I should though because I don't have it figured out and working for myself. I'm no expert and need support myself.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Don't forget @NightFury nobody on here is an expert we are all peers.

We all share our experiences in the hope that it might make some one else's journey smoother. Sometimes it's in the hope that someone else will have a good strategy or insight which will be helpful for us

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Till23 thank you for your reply.

It makes me feel better, more confident to post now that I see it a little differently.

How are you? How was your day? I saw you're getting a lot of rain, I hope you're doing okay with the wet roof scenario.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I'm glad it was a help @NightFury. It is absolutely bucketting down here right now, it's quite concerning actually. My water bucket under the leak is filling up fast and the ground is already so soaked I'm worried about trees falling as well as developing more leaks as gutters can't handle the volume.

A got another roofer to come today who seems much more competent, explained what needs to happen and is hopefully coming back on weekend.

So it's a bit scary right now, but I'm hoping it's resolved by Monday

How is your day going?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

That sounds scary @Till23 I'm wish I could be of more help. Do you have a plan if things get worse? A plan to keep yourself safe?

I had a lovely day at work today. One of the kids told me it was a good thing I was their teacher because I was a good teacher and that was totally unexpected. I had lots of little connection moments with the kids and I love those moments. I don't like having to constantly reinforce "expectations."

After work, I went to my parents and did my washing. They're away and my washing machine is broken. And did some study while waiting for my washing to finish. I'm home now, it's freezing and it's dark and I'm not going out in that to get wood, especially when there's no light out the back. So no wood fire tonight, but layers of clothes will have to do.

Anxiety brain is kinda on edge tonight, but there have been positives in my day.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thankfully the rain has slowed down right now @NightFury so that's good

I'm glad you had a good day at work and that's so lovely to get that comment from a student.

I taught part-time/casually at uni in my field for about 10 years and it was great when you got positive comments from students.

I am in front of my wood fire right now (sorry) I had to run out and fetch the wood I split earlier from the shed in only the light rain!

Do you have a torch?

It's great that you got your washing down and some study.

Can you hold the positive moments from today in your mind to ameliorate the anxiety?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Till23 no torch, I'm okay though.

I need to chop sticks to light the fire, and I'm not confident doing that in the dark. I'm embarrassed to admit that I don't like the dark and don't like going into the shed in the dark because...spiders. I'm okay. I've just had dinner, I have a blanket and layers on and will make a hot drink soon.

I will definitely try to hold onto those positive moments. It's essentially Friday today - we have professional learning tomorrow and a student free day! So that's one more.

And I started a new drawing today that I would like to finish...

I'm glad that the rain's slowed down for you. I'll be thinking of you tonight.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Oh yes chopping in the dark is a bit dangerous @NightFury

I always try to have containers of twigs, sticks, cut branches and split logs ready constantly, so I can always get a fire going in the least time. I try to split the logs with axe and stack in sun for a couple of days before putting in crate to take to verandah for another couple of days then in the house beside the fire. It's a bit of a production line, I quite like doing it so it's easy for me to keep on top of.

I don't mind spiders but I do like to see them before I contact them!

I'm glad you've got plenty of comfy stuff to keep you warm

It's great to have a "long" weekend and to be able to concentrate on your drawing.

Rain supposed to start clearing after lunch tomorrow

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