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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It sounds like you were able to go deeper with your counsellor, which is amazing, albeit quite vulnerable I am sure. I agree with everything she has shared and I can see that she really gets you, which must feel so nice. 🥰 @NightFury

I really like the homework she has shared - and how rewarding to work on developing a more loving, compassionate, and understanding relationship with yourself!

Has anything come up for you since she stirred that more positive line of thinking?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I am really hard on myself @AuntGlow and I would never talk to one of my students - or anyone the way that I talk to myself. I want to change that.

I brush off people's positive comments, or find an argument against them, because it feels awkward and I feel weird about it, but I should be taking them in instead.

She asked me...if she asked my best friend, to describe the kind of person I am, what would she say? It would be very different from how I would describe myself.

Edit to add - right now, possibly not related, but I feel quite emotional.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I am the same. @NightFury 🫶

Hmm, well, know that I see you as earnest, kind, creative, intuitive, passionate, intelligent, insightful, resourceful, resilient; and just a genuinely good human who deserves to receive all the love and compassion they bring to others. 🥰

(Try to allow that to sit hehe)

How would your friend describe you?

And emotional is perfectly understandable. I wonder if you can journal about what's coming up for you? ✨

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thinking of you @NightFury and just sending supportive hugs before i go to bed.

Havent had time to back-read your posts today, but working through my backlog of tags lol. I'll get there 😋.

I hope you can find some extra self-care and love tonight and sleep well (if not already sleeping!)

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow thank you for your kind words. I appreciate them soso much.

My friend is a wonderful human and has used word and phrases like..

"You've achieved so much in less than 12 months of being home." And when I try to apologise or I'm feeling awkward, she tells me, "I've never known you to be socially awkward, I find it easy to be around you."

She sees me as intuitive, as courageous, empathetic, caring, resilient. And she likes to remind me that I am more than enough, just as I am.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I may have already been sleeping when your message came through @AlwaysMyself I was hit with some emotions (tears) and decided to tap out early.

How are you?

Today, the person who is replacing me as the classroom teacher is coming in and spending the day with us. You know what I'm worried about? That I'm not going to be gracious enough to him, that the way I feel towards how the whole thing went down, and how I feel about how I've been treated, will get in the way of that. @AuntGlow

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I'm glad you were able to get to sleep @NightFury 😊. Sometimes i good way to put a stop to those thoughts or feeling and rest.

That would be quite emotionally challenging i can imagine, meeting & teaching/inducting your own replacement - given it was not your choice to leave. I think i would find that hard too in that situation.

I hope it is going OK, but also here for you if it is not. *hug*

Is there anything mentally you can say to keep reminding yourself of how you WANT to act, not how you FEEL?

(E.g. "its not his fault i was not continued; that was the school managers. Show compassion to him, he may even experience similar treatment in the year.")

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hello @NightFury 🥰

Always, always welcome - I mean them!!

It sounds like your friend sees you in a similar way... there might be some truth to it then, hey? 😉

Our perceptions of ourselves are always so different to how others see us.

And how you are feeling with this new teacher coming in is perfectly valid - I would also feel this way.

How did it go?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Why is it so hard for me to say... @AuntGlow

Yes, there might be some truth to it. I want to...kinda hide from that though, fight it and deny it through gritted teeth.

It went okay. He's seems like a really nice guy, and is young which will help him build relationships and connections with the kids...it just felt really awkward for me to try and navigate.

Are you up for some overwhelming thought thingy tonight...I forgot what it's called? Response prevention? I'm sorry.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I hear you, it's hard when we have been taught to think more negatively about ourselves, isn't it? @NightFury

What do you think fighting and denying does to help you?

I completely understand why it would have felt awkward to navigate... what was coming up for you and what does that feeling need to feel met and held tomorrow?

hahah yes, response prevention/delays. We can do that. Is there anything specific you're sitting with?

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