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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3919 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx guilty on many fronts, guilty for a multitude of reasons, guilty for just being me and...what's really chaffing at the moment, guilty for needing support and for needing and wanting time and space for myself.

Thank you all for helping me to see a different purpose for the crisis lines. Because my brain is like..."I'm not that bad, I don't need that level of support." Though, today...I'm not sure about that. But removing the...the...I don't know...the severity from it makes it feel easier.

For me, regarding the LGBTQI+ space, it would help if it were started by a mad, maybe help me feel less vulnerable and uncertain in that space. Like...someone's got my back. If that makes sense? The title, I'm not sure of...depends on the purpose of it. Like...is it support? Is it social? Is it about just living in our authenticity? Is it about getting comfortable and feeling supported regarding identity? And can we make it pretty? Please?

I am currently sitting in my car, in the car park of a supermarket in tears. I am supposed to pick up my niece from day care. But I just...I just need a minute.

Rough day at work, feeling unsupported and dismissed with student behaviour designed to hurt on purpose (teenage girls) and an aggressive grade 6 boy who decided to intimidate me because he couldn't get his own way. Rough day with SI and fighting the urge. Rough day of emotional overwhelm. I feel...like I've been buried underneath it all today. My stomach is all churned up - but I know the feeling well, it's where my anxiety lives. I'm just...I feel all kinds of beat down and defeated.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury first off -

🫂🫂🫂

Hugs, and I hope you took more than a minute!! Cos like... you're allowed to!


@NightFury wrote:

@Jynx guilty on many fronts, guilty for a multitude of reasons, guilty for just being me and...what's really chaffing at the moment, guilty for needing support and for needing and wanting time and space for myself.


OOF.

The guilt around needing support is one that hits soooo close to home for me. I think back to all the suffering I went through because I had entirely convinced myself I should just be functional.

Took me a long while to realise how intensely I was gaslighting myself - cos my parents and society had gaslit me first. There's this pervasive, horrifyingly toxic belief that ANY OF US are supposed to be doing ANY OF THIS... ALONE?! Hellllll no

I always felt like if I went to therapy, it meant I was a weak, pathetic failure, because I should have been okay to cope with my life.

Then through therapy I have gotten a lovely bunch of insight into the fact that no, actually my childhood was really messed up, and in fact it's a marvel that I was ever functioning as well as I was!!

That's me though. But I tell you what, going through all of that has left me pretty adamant that no one should ever feel guilty for needing another human being there to hold their hand... when that is, in my opinion, the entire bloody point of being alive. Holding hands through the bad so we can keep holding hands through the good.

We can be here to virtually hold your hand as long as you like @NightFury - cos you deserve it, just for being alive 💜

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work


@NightFury wrote:

For me, regarding the LGBTQI+ space, it would help if it were started by a mad,


Hahahaha I am indeed a Mad! I can start it, I cannot guarantee it will go live tonight tho is all

😋

@NightFury @Till23

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx you made me cry and laugh at the same time.

The space can happen whenever it needs to happen, whenever you have time. I just...for some reason, it feels like something good and something to look forward to.

The should...

I just...I feel that so much...it just hit hard like a sucker punch to the floodgate of tears.

I should be okay, I should be happy and enjoying living my life, I should be coping and managing and holding it together. I should be strong enough. I should be holding it all together and being a successful and functional human being.

But I'm not

And I am having such a hard time with that. I am letting people down, I am going to let people down. I am going to get in trouble for it. People are going to hate me and yell at me and tell me that I should...

I need someone to help hold me.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury if you taking the time to look after yourself is 'letting people down', I shudder to think how reliant on you they must be hun. And to hate you for it? If they truly hated you for looking after your needs, then are they really people that you want to keep around?

All these 'shoulds' - I can relate a lot to talking to myself like this. But the 'shoulds' were not mine - I don't really think they're yours, either. As in, these sorta sound like impossibly high standards that have been placed upon you, rather than any kind of internally driven goals towards your own needs, wants, and desires.

When we've spent the majority of our childhood being taught to live up to others' expectations, it can be almost like our own needs and wants don't even exist. We've been conditioned so intensely to put others' first, that even stopping to think about what we might want feels like a crime.

Take some nice deep breaths hun. You're processing a LOT right now. Proud of you.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx I don't think they're mine either, but I don't know how not to stretch and reach for those high standards. How not to fall when I miss them.

Thank you for being here, for helping me.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It's a tricky one @NightFury maybe some others might have thoughts, or we can brainstorm tomorrow maybe? I'm about to head off!!

You're so welcome hun, it means a lot to me that I can be here with you in this. That whole 'I get to be the person I needed when I was younger' is pretty powerful for me, so I also say thank you!! 💜

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx chat later. I hope you have a good night.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hello @NightFury,

It really does sound so exhausting and overwhelming for you. So many of our brains work intensely and quickly here, so I hope that knowledge at least helps to remind you that you're definitely not alone. 💕

That's okay, a webchat can be so helpful. I would really recommend giving it a go when you're ready, I'd love to hear all about it.

It makes sense that SI and QLD hold the most emotion for you. The parallel I am seeing between both is feeling trapped in big sensations/painful situations that feel inescapable - I want you to know how normal it is for you to have such a big reaction to something like this. Please read that again.

It makes so much sense. You are also working towards cultivating more safety in your body by reaching out and asking for support. So please know that you are well on your way to this all feeling easier, it just needs some more time. 🥰

I don't know if I have suggested this before, but have you ever written a letter to your old housemate? One that you either send to her or burn/tear? I am just thinking that this may contribute to a sense of closure for you. 🤔

Oh gosh, that is really conflicting, isn't it? I think time for you is so important right now... but I also know that those 'glimmer' moments actually provide us with more energy. So, I would be curious to see how you feel on Monday after seeing her. ☺️

Yes, keeping your body and mind busy will be helpful. I really like the idea of fidgets actually! Do you have a favourite one?

You are allowed to reach out to any helpline or crisis line when you need, okay? And you have done such a wonderful job sharing with us. As I said, I know I am newer here, but in the time I have been here - there has been so much growth already. It feels like you are feeling the fear and doing it anyway. So absolutely not chicken at all!

As for sharing more about relationships, you can do so in your own time. Or you can share little thoughts or reflections to start off with in order to build that sense of trust.

It seems like yourself and @Till23 really connect with each other right now, so I encourage you to lean on one another and support each other through your vulnerable sharing - you should both be so proud of your willingness to be open, to grow, and to heal.

I have to go for now, but I will be back tomorrow - sleep well lovely humans! 💛

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Ha @NightFury I've already got a thread called not good enough, maybe we should start a thread called the shoulds 😂

The thing you really ought to do is look after yourself.

Are you really letting people down or do you set high standards, that no-one else is expecting of you, but you think you have to have them anyhow.

Would you hold other people to these high standards?
I'm sorry I haven't been here much tonight I've had a busy day, I just wanted to address the shoulds - because I completely understand the shoulds and expectations. Sometimes we can use expectations to push us forward, but it can become toxic.

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