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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Only if you want to. @NightFury 💖

I know and that's why I want to remind you that it is genuinely okay! I have 3 questions that you don't have to answer, but maybe you'd like to consider them:

1. What part of you experiences this sense of awkwardness and uncertainty?

2. What does this part need most from you to feel secure?

3. And what would it be like for this part to have their needs met/be allowed to take up space?

You won!! That's amazing, especially if you were feeling ill - my gosh.

I completely understand why having this conversation with them would feel vulnerable... it sounds like things within the family are certainly tense. I can imagine you would just want things to feel more connected/easeful?

Not at all! And honestly, I get it. It's a LOT for your nervous system to hold. I am just going to sit with you in this space. 🫶

And thank you, that's so nice of you to say. 🥹

And hello lovely @AlwaysMyself!! I am getting to your post, I promise I haven't forgotten you! 🥰

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @AlwaysMyself thank you for your replies last night. I'm sorry I didn't get to them then. I did read them though and it was my intention to reply when I had more spoons.

Your advice re my friend and the gym seems like good advice. I think, at the moment, I need to find other ways to connect with her. It might not be a coffee after the gym, brcause we both need to get home and get ready for work, but maybe set up regular coffee catch ups on weekends and after work hours.

I suspect some of the feeling ill is med related, but not all of it. I think I also have a lurgy...either again, or it's the same one that I couldn't shake from a couple of weeks ago.

And with the job interviews...in the last interview, the panel did congratulate me on getting an interview. They had lots of applicants and only a few were selected for the interview stage. So...I guess even getting an interview is something positive.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you for your questions @AuntGlow I'll think about them and see what comes up.

I want things in my family to feel more connected. I want them to stop arguing and hurting each other. And I want them to stop putting me in the middle. I also need my brother's side of the family to stop using the kids as "punishment" against my parents. It isn't fair on anyone.

I'm worried that my meds are having an impact on my sleep again. I haven't had a good night's sleep since upping the dose. I was awake at 4 am yesterday and last night I think I woke four times. I don't want to go through that again.

I have a big day today. I have work, then a job interview, followed by our grade 6 leaver's dinner. I've woken up feeling heavy and flat and very "stare into space," kinda mood. It's probably too much information, but I have phlegm on my chest and it's gross. But, I guess that I can remind myself that the fact that I'm up, showered, and getting ready for the day is evidence that, in spite of the fact that I feel like I've lost my oomf and I feel like I'm losing hope, maybe I actually haven't?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hello lovely @NightFury,

I am curious, with support, would you ever let them know how you feel about this current dynamic? 💛

Hmm, okay. I can understand why you would be concerned here. What is your gut saying to do?

Absolutely - you are still showing up even when things are hard. I think this is a testament to not only your sense of optimism, but also your resilience.

How was work and your job interview?? Also, I hope the dinner goes well - please be gentle with yourself and leave when you need to, okay? Your health comes first. 🫶

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Sounds like a very busy day for you today @NightFury . I hope it all went smoothly and well. And hope your energy held up fairly well / you were able to leave/rest as needed.

Fingers crossed for you for the job interview you had today also. 😊 i agree with the panellist who congratulated you on getting an interview - I've been on panels where we interview 5 people out of 75 applications. And i know some jobs that get 200 applications! So yeah interview = fantastic in my books 😊.

My friend, I'm going to lovingly remind you that you have nothing to say "sorry" for with respect to your response timeframe. 🥰 You were/are under no obligation to respond at all, let alone within any specific timeframe expectation. 🥰 A caring reminder that you don't need to say sorry 😉.

I hope you get a solid sleep tonight. Interupted sleep and early waking isn't fun. 4am is very early 😬.

Is sleep distruption a known side effect of the medication?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Maybe I'd let them know @AuntGlow but I don't have the support to have that conversation with them and it isn't one I'd have with them on my own. I don't know how they'd react.

My gut wants to go back down to the lower dose. I didn't want to increase anyway. I didn't want to play around with it for fear of the side effects. But maybe I should give it a bit longer and see what happens? If it gets bad again, then talk to my GP.

Work was busy. It's getting harder to deal with the emotions around it, and to carry the weight of the emotions. The job interview felt really good. I went in extremely nervous - because I didn't know how to prepare. They didn't send the questions out before hand. But they were really nice people and they created a safe, conversational interview and iy helped me to relax. I feel like it went well and they had great feedback for me. We'll have to wait and see.

@AlwaysMyself I wanted to let you know, I'll read your post, but I don't have the spoons to respond at the moment. I have a headache and sensory overload happening. I'll get to it tomorrow.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hello @NightFury

I wanted to share this with you before you go to bed: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5qfgWUePds

It's a vintage scrapbooking video that helps me to sleep when I am struggling. There's something comforting about the sounds of scrapbooking and someone else existing in their own world. Let me know if you like it and if it helps. 💖

I understand the fear around how they might react, this is more than valid. Maybe in the future? For now, it seems like caring for yourself is most important, and perhaps, finding a way to create some seperation between what's theirs vs. what's yours? 💛

Giving it a bit longer is a good idea, but if it gets to be too much, you're allowed to talk to your GP, okay?

Of course, it would feel so strange and vulnerable... do the students know yet?

I am sure you did a wondrful job, and if they created a safe space, I am sure they would have really resonated with you (because I think you do that for others).

🥰

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @AlwaysMyself I made it through yesterday and felt absolutely done by the time I got home at around 8.30 pm. I didn't get the quality of sleep that I needed and was awake several times during the night.

Thank you for the reminder - the serial apologiser in me obviously come to the forefront. Let's try this instead...thank you for being patient with me.

Sleep and meds...the medication I'm on can cause sleep interruptions. But I also have a history of medication causing insomnia and lack of sleep pushing me to crisis levels. I have a history of sleep issues and have been prescribed medication to help me sleep. But even with the medication, I'm still waking every hour or so at the moment...

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I did read this before bed and tried to listen @AuntGlow I find sound...hard. I find out of all my senses, I have sensory issues with sound. Too much sound, too many people talking at once, or loud sounds like slamming doors and I get really easily overwhelmed. I tried to listen...but I couldn't.

I agree @AuntGlow caring for myself is more important at the moment. I just need to figure out how to seperate myself from what's going on between my brother and his family and my parents. I have to figure out a way of letting them work through it and not letting it have an impact on me.

Okay...if it gets too much, I'll make an appointment and go back to see my GP. My concern is that it's impacting my sleep, even though I'm still taking my sleep meds.

They know. One of my students asked me and me...being me...had to be honest and tell him. Also, the new teachers came into school on Monday, so...

I feel like I'm being used at work at the moment - so that other people can have time off class to meet and plan for next year. I feel like I'm invisible. I feel like...people are counting down and constantly reminding me that there are only two and a half weeks left and getting excited for holidays and Christmas and planning next year and it's a really big trigger for me and brings up so many emotions. I don't feel any of that excitement. I'm not looking forward to the holidays, I'm not looking forward to Christmas and I don't even know what my next year will look like. I feel like...it already creates a wedge in my connections at work.

The students do teacher awards and they presented me with one last night - The Creative Brilliance Award, "for seeing colour where others only see empty space." I am also going to miss them so very much.

I'm going to end it here because I have tears and I need to get a move on and get ready for work. Talk to you later, AuntGlow.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hello lovely! @NightFury

How are things feeling for you today?

Oh, that's so fair! Thank you for letting me know. I wonder what else might be soothing for you?

Hmm, we could brainstorm here? (If that's helpful?)

I think it's definitely worthwhile mentioning to your GP. When do you speak with your EAP counsellor/psychologist next?

Oh... this made me feel really upset to read. You don't deserve to feel invisible or used at all, if anything, you should be absolutely celebrated for all you have given to the school and the students. (I wrote this before I read about the award - your students definitely got the memo!!)

I completely understand why you would be feeling somewhat displaced and disconnected right now, and of course it would be challenging to feel excited about Christmas with so much uncertainty at play.

"The Creative Brilliance Award, "for seeing colour where others only see empty space." - it seems like the students really see you, NightFury. That must have felt so validating to be acknowledged for your essence - this is absolutely you. 🥹

Tears are okay, they are very much allowed right now.

How did it feel to receive that award? 🥰

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