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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Brainstorming what could be soothing here would be helpful @AuntGlow. For me...leaving a light on - just a little bit of light coming into the room is soothing.

I emailed my EAP counsellor this week. My next appointment was on the 15th but we moved it to the 8th (next Monday) because, I feel like I need it. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist on the 17th for an OCD assessment.

To receive the award from my students felt amazing. I felt...exactly like you mentioned...I felt seen and valued by the people that count and found myself wishing that school leadership could see me the way my students see me.

I'm not at work today, AuntGlow. It's a self-care day. I've struggled through illness for the last couple of weeks and still showed up, so I'm taking a day for me. I'm meeting up with my Scottish friend and we are going for a walk, doing coffee and lunch and having a chat. I feel slightly guilty and weird for taking a day off for this, but I'm hoping the connection and her energy will help to give me a bit of a lift. I am really down at the moment.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Good morning @NightFury 💛

Ah, that does sound really helpful and safe. Did you manage to get any rest last night? (It's okay if you didn't.)

Okay, perfect! You're always so proactive. 💪

I am truly so happy you had that experience with your students. And honestly, I believe the right organisation will value you in the same way.

We don't have to talk about your job search right now, but when you're ready, I am keen to know where you're at with it all. ☺️

YAY! This will be so lovely for you. I am looking forward to hearing all about it. 🥰

Those feelings are allowed to be there. I know it can feel strange when we do something out of the norm... but I do think this will be really good for you.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Good afternoon @AuntGlow

My morning was lovely. It's windy here, but 25 degrees and sunny. It was nice to spend time with my friend. We walked the beach and sat in the shade on a chair and chatted. Then we went for coffee and an early lunch at a cafe nearby.

I did get some sleep. I woke a few times, up until 1 am and then crashed and slept well until 6 am. I still feel exhausted. I've just taken something for a headache.

I don't really have anything to talk about job search wise - no real updates. I've had the three interviews that I booked in. I've heard back from one - it was a no, the others will take time to hear back from. The one last Thursday said it could take 3 weeks to a month, the one on Tuesday said it could take a couple of weeks. So, I'm waiting...I have a little bit of time today to look at some jobs I've saved that have come up this week.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I am so glad you had such a lovely morning @NightFury. What did your friend have to say about everything you are going through?

I can imagine you really would be exhausted... 😣

Hmm, the waiting must be hard. I really do empathise with this, especially with an anxious mind.

I am wondering how you can use this time to come back to yourself?

I don't want to take away from the reality of how daunting this all is, but I am just wondering how you can make the most out of this waiting period (and consciously attract a role that is in alignment?).

Let me know your thoughts on this and big hugs. 💛

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

We talked about it a little, but I tend to minimise it even with her @AuntGlow we talked alot about what she's been going through. She's been having EMDR. She shares more openly than what I do. She can't believe that I've been home less than 12 months and I've achieved so much. She reminded me of the toll that being broken into and losing my Grandad and everything else, could have/has probably had on me and it's perhaps not surprising that I'm exhausted, run down and feeling the impact of burnout.

I really want to rest. I want to put it all down and actively engage in rest. My body is telling me to rest, to slow down - I've been unwell and just tonight, I'm pretty sure I've torn my calf muscle. But I don't see this as an option - if I'm resting, I'm not finding a job for next year. I don't have time for rest - I'm unemployed in two weeks...is what my brain is telling me...constantly at the moment.

And I worry that...that allowing myself to rest, to crash is...giving up. I don't want to give up. I don't want my mental health challenges to win.

I would also like to really enjoy and make the most out of the time left at school by having fun with the kids, with the staff I connect with. But I'm so...down and exhausted and work/school feels so heavy that I don't know whether I can.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @tyme how are you?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Heya @NightFury !

Great to see you. What's been happening?

I know things have been stressful, leading to the end of the year.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

The end of the year approaching is hard. @tyme

I've been trying to find a job, finish off this year, on top of being sick for two weeks, managing a medication increase, and referrals for an OCD and ADHD assessment and now I think I've torn my calf muscle.

I'm feeling pretty worn down.

Talk to me though, tell me - how are you? How are the kids?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Ouchy! You poor thing @NightFury !

Do you have sick leave or personal leave you can take before the end of school? I'm hearing how stressful this is. Also, if you have been working all year at that school, doesn't it mean you will get paid over the holidays until Jan?

How does a calf muscle repair? Rest?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I have lots of leave @tyme I took a day today because things felt...like they were getting bad. I needed a reset.

My contract ends on the 10th of Jan, so I will still get paid until then. Or I should do. I did inquire with HR but haven't heard back yet.

Rest, I think, is the way to fix a calf muscle.

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