Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury @ A lot i could say, but not much different from@Jynx idea of the list. I made a list and select ONE thing to be the goal for the day. After that one is done, no pressure - dont have to do any of the other. Otherwise, i will spare you my other similar thoughts so you can read less.

BUT one funny story i hope gives you a laugh to feel a bit better. On the topic of meltdowns ovwr tiny things... it was a number of years ago now, but i would still some days be liable to do it again... i was having a low mood day and went to get an iced coffee at a cafe to console myself abit. And i knew this cafe did *dark* chocolate mochas. I went to order one any they couldnt do any frappe that day. I held back tears enough to turn away (without ordering anything) and just burst into tears 😭 because i couldnt get the drink i wanted 🤣. Definitely that "straw that broke the camels back" moment. 😂😂

Haha such a mood @AlwaysMyself it's often the little things that can push us over hey.

Also! Had another little idea regarding making lists @NightFury - since rest, creativity & leisure are essential for functioning (rest especially), maybe it would help if they were also on the list! Like if you had say 'dishes, vacuuming, vegging on couch, scrub toilet, do some art, go for walk' all on your list, it might help to see those things as being just as important to tick off as the dishes are. Because just like not doing your dishes for five days results in a buildup, so too would not resting for five days. You can look at it as, 'me resting now will give me more energy to do a good job later' - resting is productivity!

I'm generally not a list maker @Jynx that being said, making lists has worked for me in the past. When studying at Uni, I wpuld list all my assignment due dates and backward map the dates that I needed to start them, so I would have a due date and a start date listed for every assignment.

Making to do lists have also worked for me at work when I've felt snowed under with all the jobs that I have to do.

It's not necessarily the forgetting to do things that bothers me, it's the whole...knowing they're there to do, and I'm not doing them. Sitting down and resting while there are jobs to do, is uncomfortable.

I do tend to make lists in my head like this morning...I had things to do, so I make mental lists on what I need to do and organise them in order...so it went something like...

1. Pop dinner in the slow cooker

2. Wash my dreads

3. Mow the lawns

4. Go to the shop to get food so I have something for lunch.

5. Vacuum and wash floors

6. Eat lunch while the floors dry

7. Fold the washing

I'm currently at the eat lunch while the floors dry task. This is generally how I plan my day but it's mostly a mental list. Adding rest to the list is a good idea and not at the end of the list...like I have to complete all of the jobs before I get to rest because I think that's how my brain will see it - like it's something I have to earn after doing all the things.

Thank you for sharing your meltdown moment @AlwaysMyself I think we all have moments like that. I think we all hold it together until ot comes to the point where we can't any more.

@NightFury I totally get that, that it's not necessarily about forgetting. It's the pressure, and the way it lingers in the brain.

Yes, I'm glad you noticed the placement order!! That's why I thought maybe adding it to the list to be ticked off could help slowly shift things in your brain. Because rest is NOT something we earn. It's a biological imperative for survival, and I think seeing it as a 'non-negotiable' part of my day has definitely helped.

Oh also, I wanted to ask what you do when you rest? If you're anything like me and my whacky ADHD brain, the idea of just... sitting still, doing nothing, is basically an impossibility. I think there's this idea that rest = sleep or that relaxation = doing absolutely nothing; but everyone is different, we all have differing needs for how we rest our bodies and brains. For me, reading a book is far more restful than sitting there, staring into space and being lost in (potentially stressful) thoughts!

So yeah, maybe there's something you could do during your (maybe/hopefully now scheduled) downtime - I feel like we can all benefit from something that takes us out of our brains a little, like walking, yoga/stretching, singing along to some tunes, reading, or maybe some arts & crafts, that sorta thing. And like if your brain starts up with 'Oh but the dishes still have to get done' kinda stuff, you can gently say to yourself, 'but I need to finish this task first'.

I can tell you that shifting one's perspective in this way can take time, and feel super uncomfortable at first. But, "All progress takes place outside of the comfort zone" is something I've found to be very true - and the more we do something, the more that discomfort starts to evaporate!

I know I mentioned it the other day but this time I'll actually send the link lol - but this helped me immensely!!

Ted Talk - The 7 Types of Rest

Article Link

@AlwaysMyself in case you're interested too!

@NightFury I hope you continued well today on your list of "to-do" and rest activities. I love @Jynx's idea of including rest activities as a to-do on the list as essential, I had never thought of it that way before.

Interesting article @Jynx. I've am familiar with the feeling of most of those types of "rest", but not the "creative rest". I think because I don't get a feeling of wonder/awe/inspiration from things like nature/beauty/etc that is hard for me to connect to. But I recognise the other 6 types.

It can be hard to feel rested when you need multiple different types of rest. e.g. I can prioritise physical and sensory rest, but may still feel the need for socialisation resting with a close friend - but not have the physical energy to do it.

Thank you for linking that @Jynx I did look for it, but I couldn't find it down the YouTube rabbit hole...and then, I forgot about it.

I don't really know what to do with myself when I rest. I try to watch TV but get up and wander around and zone out and struggle to relax my body. I find that if I'm doing something...like connecting on the forums, building a lego set or doing a puzzle while I'm watching TV I actually feel less...awkward. I like to read - it gives my brain something to focus on and enjoy spending time on a Saturday and Sunday morning in bed with a cuppa, Luna and a book.

@AlwaysMyself I like the idea too. I'll work on scheduling it in each day after work, when I get home, before starting those home jobs and see how it feels.

I also need to figure out what I can let go of for now...like...what are non essentials and what can wait for now. I am unwell again and dealing with burn out...something really needs to change.

@AlwaysMyself @NightFury Other things that could (slowly) be added into, maybe a weekly list - creativity/art/making stuff; nature/animals/exploration/curiosity; socialising/connecting; singing/dancing/music; yoga/stretching/breath work; reading/learning; acts of kindness for self and others 😊

That's not exhaustive, just what came to my brain - and I don't want it to seem like I am saying 'you need all of these' or that all of them are essential for functioning. But they can all make functioning easier, because they can help us regain energy and reconnect with self.

Whilst in burnout though, I think we need to really be in a more 'conservation' state for our energy, so it might mean focusing on not putting pressure on ourselves to be able to do any, let alone all, of the above 😉

The need for social energy but lack of physical/sensory energy is something I relate to a lot @AlwaysMyself. I've been trying to lean more into body-doubling and parallel play lately - basically sharing a space with someone but with no intention or obligation of holding a conversation. Easiest to do is probably just watch tv together, but like I might be playing video games or responding to emails or something, and my friend will be next to me, just doing their thing - might check in from time to time but it's just about being together without any need to focus on conversing or interacting.

I think body-doubling refers more to accountability practice (e.g. my friend is coming over to hang out soon - he's gonna do paperwork whilst I use the energy of him just existing in my space to help me do some household chores... idk why it helps me, it just does!) whereas parallel play is more like, I'm playing video games while my partner reads next to me or something.

@NightFury modding and tab juggling meant I didn't see your message till after I posted mine 😅

For body relaxation, I cannot recommend yoga/gentle stretches enough. It helps release tension, allowing our muscles to then be more relaxed for whatever we do next. I love that you feel a sense of ease when on the forums, doing Lego, or reading a book. Kinda ties into what I rambled about above!

Also - you know how our moods and feelings have physical effects on the body? Well so too does the body have an affect on our mind. Things like progressive muscle relaxation and breathing exercises can help because it signals to our nervous system that we're okay/not in danger, allowing our minds to relax a bit too.

It can be really hard to prioritise, pretty sure it's common for ADHD brains. I try to look at what consequences will arise for not doing certain things, but it's still hard.

@Jynx I hear ya. The tapping stuff that@AuntGlow linked helped, so maybe it's something to explore more. I haven't tried progressive muscle relaxation and I go from smashing breathing exercises every night to...falling asleep before I even remember they exist, let alone remember to do them.

All the things are important. All the things either let someone else down, disappoint someone else, or lead to consequences if they're not done. It's hard.