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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I don't mind that you read along @AlwaysMyself not at all. You're welcome here!

Thank you for volunterring to support me with this. I really do appreciate it. I'm not sure of the remedy for being a serial thanker, but I think it's an amazing way to express your gratitude.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hello @AuntGlow

I had an appointment with my EAP counsellor yesterday afternoon and we talked about a lot of things.

She's very excited that so far, I've landed three job interviews. We talked a little bit about each role and which one might be suited to me. We discussed some questions I could ask them because I mentioned that when put on the spot, I never know what to ask.

We also talked about my parents and their expectations. How it's hard for me because they judge, but they judge from the perspective that they have always worked in the same jobs. My Dad was a butcher from the day he left High School, to the day he retired (last year). We talked about my brother and how sometimes I wish I had a little of his attitude - he lives his own life and doesn't care about the expectations others place on him.

We talked about my GP appointment and my fears around medication review and taking meds in general. She talked about how I'm allowed to say no, and I'm allowed to work with my GP to find something that works for me. She said that meds work differently for everyone and if I'm not communicating with my GP then they can't and don't know what I need, and what doesn't feel good in my body.

We talked about how I need to work on putting myself first. And we also briefly talked about my concerns with my Psychologist. It came up because she said that she wanted to put in an application to extend our appointments (to get more appointments) and it was such a relief that I kind of started talking and...mentioned how it's hard to find supports that I connect with, and how I felt as if I had connected with her and that it balanced out how I feel about not having connected with my psychologist. I think that will be a topic for future conversation.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hello lovely! Just wanting you to know I am here, I have just been doing some off-forums work today.

@NightFury

I am so glad your EAP appointment went well. It's so nice to hear that she helped you prep and is excited for you. 🤩

What do you think you will ask the interviewers?

Ah, it's so interesting how different you and your brother can be - it sounds like you could both learn from one another?

It's so tough when we experience the projection of someone else's internalised world... but let me tell you, exploring new roles, avenues, and jobs as you continue to evolve is AMAZING. It may be hard for them to understand, but that doesn't make it wrong.

Yay! I am so glad you have the opportunity to potentially continue sessions with her. Keeping my fingers crossed for you.🤞

Talking about how to communicate and connect with your GP and psychologist could be a good goal for your next session? 💛

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I'm curled up in bed, trying to wind down from a really tough day. @AuntGlow I keep wanting to cry, but swallowing down the tears. I need a hug.

I'm not sure what I'll ask them. She suggested I ask questions like - what would your expectations of me be within the first three months? Or what does success look like in this role? My counsellor says that asking those kinds of questions shows them that I'm a "go-getter." My interview on Thursday, they emailed me through the interview questions so I will ait down tomorrow night and prepare and try to come up with a list of possible questions to ask.

Yeah, it could be a good goal for my next counselling session. I agree.

I have my GP appointment after work tomorrow.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Sending you a big hug and a little reminder that you are allowed to cry. @NightFury 💖

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

*insert support button actions*

@NightFury 🥰 I am so glad you click with the EAP support and that they are going to request more sessions for you. 😍

I hope your upcoming interview goes well. 😊

I also find it hard to think of what questions I might want to ask them. You don't *have* to ask questions though. 😊

Sometimes I ask questions about the culture - because cultural fit is very important to me (helps me weed out places I won't be happy in). But sometimes it can be hard to think of how to frame a question well on culture lol. Sometimes I have asked about how involved the senior managers are on the project, or how much autonomy for decision-making there is vs approval-seeking for every small decision.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Good evening, lovely! @NightFury

How was your GP appointment and how are you feeling overall today? 💛

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @AuntGlow

My GP appointment went okay...

We've upped my medication dose. I have a referral and an appointment with a psychiatrist for an OCD assessment/diagnosis, and I have a referral for a clinic that does ADHD assessments (this could take time though). She created a care plan for me. I have a Mental Health Care Plan, but a care plan is for people who have chronic health conditions - I have psoriasis, have a history of melanoma/skin cancer and mental health conditions. This will allow her to bulk bill my appointments. I also left with a stern reminder to book in for a skin check, because I haven't had one in years.

Overall, today I've felt pretty exhausted, a little anxious about my appointment and now anxious about upping the dosage for my medication. Work was okay today. I got a phone call and didn't get the job I interviewed for last week - she gave me some feedback that I interviewed well, and she encouraged me to continue with my studies, but I don't have the experience for the role that was advertised. With my experience, I'm more suited to working with young people and they wanted someone that could step straight into the role and not need more training. When I asked her for feedback on what I could have done better, she just said for everyone in general, when asked to talk about examples from previous roles use the STAR process, which helps structure your answer.

Oddly, I don't feel disappointed. I think I'd decided that I wasn't going to take it if they offered it to me. It involved working in the city, which would cost a fortune in parking and fuel for the commute, and it had a certain element of job insecurity because the contract only went for 6 months, until the next financial year. They were going to apply for more funding, but there wasn't a guarantee. That's one thing that I don't like about teaching - the job insecurity.

The doesn't help the fear that's sitting in my stomach, of not finding a job, not being able to pay my rent...

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Good afternoon @NightFury,

How are you feeling today?

I am glad your appointment went well and that they supported you so thoroughly! That is a definite positive. 🥰

I understand why you would be feeling anxious about upping your medication. Maybe it would be helpful to remind yourself that this can be decreased again if it doesn't feel right? 💛

Oh yes, the STAR process... my immediate response to that is 'ugh, so structured and corporate' haha

It's so amazing to hear that you interviewed well, but just needed a bit more experience. How are you feeling about that feedback?

It sounds like this result was actually quite in alignment... it seems like the universe is looking out for you right now (even if it doesn't feel like it in the moment).

I totally understand your more practical fears and they are absolutely valid. 🫶

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I started a higher dose of meds today @AuntGlow and I definately felt it. I had an increase in anxiety and my brain felt very...cloudy at times.

I've just gotten home. I had a job interview after work and I put a lot of effort into it. I invested a lot of energy into it.

I am tired but I'm also over stimulated. I feel like I need to figure out how to wind down in my body and brain tonight. I have lots of thoughts and a kind of review of the interview and my answers playing in my head...

I'm feeling okay with that feedback. They wanted someone to basically start on the run and I possibly don't have that capacity because I don't have the experience.

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