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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3919 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Also @NightFury I'm just going to put some words in here so that it rolls past the usual couple of lines you get on the phone or computer in the Discussion thread. I tried to start off my last post like that but didn't write enough guff!

I saw you asked about LGBTQIA+ space earlier today, but didn't have time to respond. I had searched the forums before and found a place but I did not have the right to access it. I suppose that is the one @Jynx said hasn't started yet.

I'm pretty amazed there is not a space for this community. I know that there are a number of people on the forums that are part of this community, some are very open about it and others you find out in passing.

If one of the mods starts it, it probably feels a bit safer for people, even though the forums are anonymous, you find out people's thinking and may not want to share parts of yourself with everyone

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Till23 @AuntGlow I've seen your posts and I appreciate them. I don't have the brain power to respond properly, but leave it with me and I'll get to it in the morning.

@AuntGlow I feel...really tired. I have a heavy head and eyes, but my body is calmer. It took some time after sharing, but I do feel calmer.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Of course @NightFury that's completely understandable and don't feel you need to respond in the morning, there is no pressure from me at all

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury That's okay! You go and get some rest; we will be here tomorrow.

@Till23, let me know if you need anything as well. So lovely to see you supporting each other. Sending big hugs both of your way! 💕

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow thank you for your offer but paradoxically even after saying something different to MissinTooth I also feel as though I don't want to be annoying the mods with my stuff which seems to me that I should be able to handle. However, I am feeling a bit unsettled tonight

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I completely understand @Till23. Often the most empathetic people are the hardest on themselves - but please know, we WANT to be here for you. Genuinely. And you're never too much for me. Wanna know why?

*whispers* because we think the same. 😉

Get some rest, okay? I will be back tomorrow and will respond to your post properly then. I apologise for any delays on my end by the way, I am still working on juggling everything I have to do, but it's never to do with either of you @NightFury. 💕

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thanks @AuntGlow I understand it definitely must be hard juggling all the different conversations that are going on plus emailing and whatever else you mods do in the background. Plus at some stage you have to go to the loo! I know you go through all your notifications so it takes a while, I never worry about the time. I'm not on here 24/7 either so I might post something and then be away for hours. I think the mods do an excellent job

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @AuntGlow.

It's the way my brain works. It might not be these things specifically, but there's always 10,000 thoughts and feelings racing around in it. It's exhausting and overwhelming.

I've had a look at both Blue Knot and Beyond Blue's website and for some reason, I'd feel more comfortable using Beyond Blue because they have a chat function. I don't like talking on the phone and would prefer to type. I can get my words out better when it's written. I often avoid answering phone calls or making them.

The thing that created the most activation is the SI, there's a lot of emotion around that. QLD comes a very close second. It activated all the emotions. It's so emotionally charged and sensitive and it's a lot for me.

And just posting it in general, it still makes me anxious and unsettled to be sharing things with others.

The least activation was writing about my niece and looking after her on Sunday. I want to do it, but also it's frustrating because I just want a day...a day where I can relax and spend some time for me. I don't...my energy is limited and at the moment, just getting through a work day depletes it entirely. It may sound selfish, but I don't want to go into Monday already exhausted and struggling. But I also know...I need her light and shiny into my life at the moment.

@Till23 it sounds like we have a lot in common.

I like to use fidgets as an outlet for my anxiety and for when I'm feeling anxious, maybe it would also keep my hands busy and provide a distraction for the SI too...I don't know, I just know that I need a solid plan, something to reach for instead.

There's also the whole...I don't know if I want to admit that I need to and have justification to be using the crisis lines sometimes.

Urgh, that's so frustrating when people ask after your children and your husband. I am not married and I don't have children of my own. I've even been judged by a doctor for it - for not having children. She sat there and told me that my body clock is running out and there are things we can do if I wanted to have children, even after I explained that I don't want children of my own. I felt so...unheard. There's still that expectation there - you're female, find a husband, start a family, live behind a white picket fence. And it's like not achieving it, gives others the right to judge you for it. Sorry, that's a whole other tangent.

As for the LGBTQI+ community I brought up in another thread, I would like it if there was one... @Jynx

I wanted to say so much more about that...

I don't know if I'm comfortable to make a post in like...the relationships section, or somewhere else about my thoughts and feelings and what's floating around in my head about my identity. I feel like...it's less uncomfortable...if there's a whole conversation and the mods and peer support workers are there. Maybe even it comes down to those that I'm comfortable with...

I think it's a trust thing - it feels like such a hugely hidden and vulnerable part of me and I already feel really vulnerable.

I guess, I'm just a big chicken...

@AuntGlow no need for apologies. I think that's probably part of the reason why I don't reach out sometimes. You guys get busy and juggle so many conversations with people and I don't want to add to that.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Tough day, not doing so well.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury hey hun. Hope your Wednesday has unfolded gently 😊

I am really amazed by how much you've been able to share hun. I know you mentioned it is still pretty hard, pretty anxiety-inducing to post at times still, but you're doing so amazingly and I just wanted to acknowledge that.

I can really hear through a lot of what you've shared that you have often been made to feel guilty for simply existing. I can relate to that on a deep level; I often joke that I am a recovering serial-apologiser!

With crisis lines, I think the whole point of them is to prevent the crisis - cos yeah, that's when you'd be calling 000. It is not a question of 'am I unwell enough to need to use this service?'

The only question you ought to be asking yourself is, 'Would I feel better if I spoke to someone?'

I really do appreciate all that you've shared hun. I have also juuuuust seen your post about having a tough day. Anything you wanna get off your chest?

Also, I am hearing you both @Till23 @NightFury that it would feel safer if an LGBT thread were more 'official' and started by a mod? I will make a thread at some point tonight if you like, but please let me know like... what title would y'all want, should we make it all pretty, how much of a preamble do I put in, ya know? Let's make it together!

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