Acceptance is hard work

Hey @NightFury ,

Thank you for sharing the update about your work and how you spoke to the other teacher who also doesn't have a position for next year.

Are teachers hard to find in Tassie? I think I remember telling you that in my area, ANYONE can get a job as a teacher as we have a lot of shortages.

Remember, it is not because you are a 'bad' teacher. You just have to find YOUR school and YOUR tribe.

How's job hunting anyway?

Looking on the bright side, you have finished your studies this year despite the challenges, you don't have to move out of your home anymore... are these things we can count as blessings?

Also, remember that new teachers are a lot cheaper to higher.

Hello lovely,

I was just moderating the sleep webinar - were you in it? @NightFury 🫶

I totally hear you, it's really vulnerable to sit in that space. Know that every time you do so, you are building your capacity and self-compassion.

Okay, please keep me posted!

I read that first sentence and audibly went, "ooooh! That's interesting!" Interesting because you are such a sensitive and perceptive human, so it would be easy to pick up on that energy and believe it was about you. But it absolutely sounds like he was unconsciously projecting that energy, because he holds the belief that people don't like him. That must be so tough.

I love that this gave you more insight. You actually sound like you share some similarities! 🥰

You have a bike track at your school?! That's so cool! We never had anything like that... just some trees and an oval. 😂

I understand why you might be feeling confused, anxious, and unsettled. Would you like to talk about it more at all? 💛

Hi @tyme it's good to see you. It feels like it's been forever. How are you?

There is a shortage of teachers in Tasmania, so there are jobs out there. It depends on where you want to teach...the rural, isolated communities are always looking. And, I think my colleague is right - they're hiring new teachers over experienced teachers because new teachers are more maleable and can be trained how they want them to be trained.

I've applied for a lot of jobs. I had an interview on Monday as a group programs facilitator for a mental health service. I have another job interview next week and have heard back from two others with a "sorry, you're unsuccessful at this time."

Can I ask you a question - is it okay for me to ask for a copy of a letter my psychologist is writing to my GP? Or is it considered confidential?

Look, sad to say, but when they say 'more malleable', it means the young ones will do whatever leadership says because they don't know any better.... I'm sure you and I know full well the blessing and nurturing environment more experienced teachers can bring to the classroom.

Did you know as a kid, I always freaked out at the beginning of each year if I had a "Miss" teacher as opposed to a "Mrs" teacher? I remember that in my head, the "Mrs" teachers were always a lot kinder and understanding, whereas the "Miss" teachers were scary.... I think as a kid, I could feel how much more experienced the "Mrs" teachers were. Of course this is a serious over-generalisation, but consider how kids see teachers with/out experience?

Anyway, as for the doctors letter, of course you can ask for a copy. They will either give you one or they might as you to go through a process to get a copy. I know for my psych, with each MH care plan, they have to send a letter to the GP, and it doesn't have much in it... just says what you are working on and that you'd benefit from more sessions - so the GP can write another MHCP....

But defo, you can ask for a copy! @NightFury

I was in the webinar @AuntGlow I don't know how to put it into words, but I'll try.

I had an appointment with my psychologist and her opening line after asking how I am, was..."so, you resonate more with having OCD, than ADHD?" And instantly I was like "maybe?" But thinking...why does it have to be one or the other?

And then...she told me I scored in the moderate range on the screeners she sent me. But...I don't know about the screeners. I don't know if they capture my experience and I don't think my experience matches how she sees OCD. I hope that makes sense?

I'm really confused about it. Like she asked about my checking behaviours and I explained some of those, and she answered..."that's okay. You have a reason for doing it. You're not performing random checking behaviours so it's okay." And my brain was like..."but I have a reason for all obsessions and compulsions."

The overall tone was..."you're not spending hours of your time on your compulsions. Some people spend hours every day...you're not." And my brain was like..."but I literally spend hours in my head..."

Then, she told me she was writing a letter to my GP recommending medication review to better treat the OCD.

I got an email 15 minutes after the appointment telling me she'd sent it to my GP and I want to see what she wrote...I don't know if I want medication review! Yep! The meds I'm on...are not helping a lot, but they're not disconnecting me from my emotions like the last meds did. @tyme

Well.. in 15 mins, I'm sure it wasn't a long report by any means lol. If the GP prescribes the meds, it could be a med follow up.

Sure, defo reach out and ask for a copy.

I hope you get your meds sorted. If you feel something isn't right, it's important to ask your prescribing doc. There are sooo many meds out there and they are all different. I think it took about 10 years for doctors to help me find the right concoction for me @NightFury

I hear you @tyme in what your saying regarding younger, more malleable teachers and in how the older teachers made you feel versus the younger teachers. I didn't anticipate rejection because I have too much experience and I'm older.

The meds I'm taking now aren't helping, but I was the one who asked for a change last time because I didn't like the side effects of the others - insomnia, disconnection, emotional numbness, constant heaviness in my head and body. The meds I'm on now have none of those, but they're also not doing anything. I feel like I'm being fussy and difficult and I don't want to be either.

Hey @NightFury ,

It's not being 'fussy'... it's speaking up about your own health. It's your body. They are only prescribing it. They won't know what they don't get told. Think of it this way 🙂

Goodness, that does sound really stressful and confusing... spending hours on mental compulsions is absolutely a symptom of OCD, and my understanding is that it's not uncommon to experience both OCD and ADHD @NightFury 🤔

I am sensing that you weren't feeling heard or collaborated with around your potential diagnosis/treatment, is that right?

I am curious to know what thoughts/feelings are coming up for you most after this appointment? Let's start there. 💖

@AuntGlow since I've found out that OCD is a possibility for me, I've been seeing the connections. I've had moments like...."oh this is why I do this..." and "that explains why I used to do that." I felt like...like I was starting to understand me a little more.

After yesterday's appointment I started thinking that maybe I was wrong and I don't have OCD and I started with the whole...what's wrong with me, I'm even making up a diagnosis now, or trying to make myself fit it and it's not even true...thought pattern.

I felt...frustrated because I didn't feel like I was being seen or heard or validated. I felt like...she was being dismissive in a way, shrinking things down. I felt misunderstood but I couldn't use my voice to correct her or to interject or properly explain myself.

And I'm scared of playing with my medication. With my current meds - they may not be working for me, but I have none of the side effects that I had with the meds I was on before. I'm sleeping and as much as I hate it...I can cry and feel and express my emotions, my head is clearer and not as heavy and foggy. I don't want to feel like I'm losing me again.

And I want to see the letter she wrote to my GP because...part of me worried about what she's writing in it. What if she doesn't believe me? What if she thinks I'm making it all up? I know how that sounds...but I don't think I trust her to advocate for me and my needs. But also...I have no solid reason to feel that way and to need to see what she's written so it's not so unknown. I feel like...maybe that's a control thing.