Acceptance is hard work

I think @AuntGlow I think, it looks like making space and holding all of my emotions - like...the anger, the hurt and the excitement of possibility, of a new journey.

I think it looks like not allowing the negative thoughts I've been having to take over...like the ones that make me feel like I'm not enough, that make me feel like I've been rejected for being me and that being me isn't and never will be enough.

I need to focus on the quieter, more positive voice. And I guess that's where others come into it. I need someone to help me listen to it, to remind me, to hold me in that space.

Honestly I think it's hard for anyone not to do that @NightFury because we live in a society that places enormous emphasis on career. Think about the fact that we always ask young kids, 'What do you want to be when you grow up?' And they usually name a profession, like I wanna be a dancer or an astronaut or a firefighter. We are taught early on that our worth is linked to what job we have - especially in the way society devalues some professions. As though a garbage truck driver somehow has less worth than a lawyer, for instance.

Breaking free of the 'hustle culture' mentality is very difficult, especially when those messages are still repeated everywhere. How often is it that, when meeting someone for the first time, we ask them 'What do you do?' - and the expectation is mostly that we give a career-based answer. Even just that subtle shift for you, of responding with 'I'm a teacher' to 'Oh I'm looking for work' or 'I was a teacher but now I'm not sure' - it brings up all that socialised shame, and leave us feeling very lost indeed.

And yeah, finding a sense of identity outside of one's career can be sooo much harder for those of us with complex trauma, because we've often had to sacrifice our sense of self in order to be safe. Reconnecting with those parts of ourselves we abandoned or suppressed as children can carry a lot of grief - but also opens up a lot of freedom and a path of self-discovery and self-creation.

Once heard this great quote - "To want is to make space for the self." We are often conditioned to only consider our needs, i.e. to get a job because we need to eat and pay bills, not because it's necessarily what we want. When I was younger I wanted to be an actor but... my parents told me I would never make any money doing that. I suppressed that desire because I felt like I needed their approval, needed them to be proud of me. But I don't. I only need me to be proud of me - and don't worry, I so am! I love where I've ended up, but it doesn't mean that desire to be a thespian isn't still there.

Maybe you could spend some time reflecting on what you want? What younger you wanted, but maybe had to abandon? And I don't necessarily mean career-wise. It could be you realise... oh, I've always wanted to make music! Does that mean you need to become a musician? Not at all! But making music can still be part of one's identity, regardless of their level of experience, talent, or fame.

And don't forget - it's a process, it can take time, and things may remain a bit muddy for a while as you go through this transitional period. But you're already making such amazing progress, and I can't wait to see what's next for you 😁💜

@NightFury oh sweet, i hear you. The uncertainty of everything at the moment is alot to sit with. Sending you gentle hugs sweet ❤️

@Jynx I instantly knew the answer to that. You sharing your experience, gave me flash backs to younger me and being told that I would never make anything out of being what I wanted to be

Younger me wanted to be a writer! I would spend hours writing stories and reading them to people in my family. Then teenage me wanted to be a Paediatrician and help young people. But when it came to enrolling in Uni, I convinced myself that I wasn't smart enough.

Then...post Uni me wanted to be Iggy from New Amsterdam. Please, don't think that's weird. He works in a hospital as a child psychologist. He runs a child mental health ward. And while he's a fictional character and it's a TV show and highly dramatic - I loved the idea of helping young people with mental health issues to feel safe, and supported.

And then...2023 me wanted to become an energetics coach - helping young people to understand that emotion is energy in motion and helping them to get in touch with their intuition to help guide themselved through things like peer pressure and teenage relationships. And helping them to build connections to self, connections to others and connections to the Universe.

And then...I wanted to be a travelling photographer, taking photos of the way people around the world educate and support their children and writing a book about it (this was a pipe dream).

@AuntGlow

@AuntGlow I'm kinda struggling to keep up with the posting...

My parents are tough. I can't really go into how tough here. I've never felt seen by them, or like it was safe to be open and vulnerable with where I'm at. My relationship with my parents is complicated.

I try to understand and remind myself that they parented me in the only way they knew how.

I need...someone to believe in me.

@NightFury oh nice! I've also had writer-dreams haha even sometimes daydream about skipping off to some remote cabin in the wilderness for a few months to focus solely on writing.

Also... if I ever tell you you're weird, it will be the highest compliment! I get called weird A LOT - as a kid, like once a day at school someone would tell me I'm a weirdo. Followed me into adulthood too. I came to a place where I realised I could let it get to me, or make it into my armour - and now, my weirdness is actually one of my fav qualities about myself. The fact you wanted to be a TV show character is no weirder than the fact that when I was choosing a name to better reflect my gender identity, I named myself after one of my own characters 😋 Our weirdness is what makes us interesting and worth getting to know, in my opinion. But also, if that word still feels like it hurts to hear, that is so valid.

It's interesting, in all of the examples you shared, except (maybe) writing, there's a common theme of wanting to help others. There's also a strong theme of supporting people via education and learning - which is my opinion is such an important way for improving lives and improving society. So maybe there's something in that? I'm not saying 'go work in health/mental health if you want to help others!' because there's so many ways of doing so without necessarily needing to work in this field.

For example, my bestie is a piercer, but he used to work in mental health - and he says that his MH skills come up allll the time, cos a lotta people are scared, dealing with big emotions with a new shiny bit of jewellery, or sitting with the anxiety of an impending painful process. I feel like there's a lot of career paths that can incorporate both education and helping others. You'll figure it out!

Also PS - I believe in you!

I'd write a long reply, but my brain is a lot right now @Jynx

Weird, I don't know how I feel about being called "weird." I tend to preface statements that I think others might see as weird with, "this might sound weird," statement. Sort of almost like an apology...

Thank you for sharing about your bestie and for your belief in me.

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@NightFury wrote:

I think @AuntGlow I think, it looks like making space and holding all of my emotions - like...the anger, the hurt and the excitement of possibility, of a new journey.

I think it looks like not allowing the negative thoughts I've been having to take over...like the ones that make me feel like I'm not enough, that make me feel like I've been rejected for being me and that being me isn't and never will be enough.

I need to focus on the quieter, more positive voice. And I guess that's where others come into it. I need someone to help me listen to it, to remind me, to hold me in that space.

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YES! I love this, these are wonderful intentions. And we can absolutely hold you in this space - I would be honoured to help you see your strengths, because there are so many. 🤩

I love what you shared about wanting to be a writer. This is a creative exploration that doesn't have an expiry date. You could explore this at any point. I believe certain opportunities come into our lives when we are ready... maybe with all of the life experience you have now, you can write something that is even more evocative and meaningful?

Iggy sounds like an incredible role model and I believe you are a capable of supporting young minds; it's been proven.

Exploring energetics and photography can be intertwined throughout your journey too.

I know nothing can take away from the pain of your parents' judgement or projections... but I do hope that our community can slowly provide you with that space of genuine encouragement and belief. Because we do believe in you.

Your dreadlocks, your tattoos, your vulnerabilities, and your dreams are irrevocably welcome here. 🥰

So valid @NightFury and that's the bonus of the forums. No time frames for responding, and no time limits for posts being visible, hehe. If you decide later that you wanna respond at length, you can do so anytime, and I'll see it when I next log in 😉

Totally get you, and I think I do the same thing, especially in certain social and professional contexts where not everyone knows how weird I am... it's good to soften the blow! Hahaha

Can unpack the 'apology' thing another time too if you like, as a recovering serial-apologiser, I totally know this vibe.

Any time hun. All the best with your interview tomorrow! Sending vibes of confidence and fortitude your way!! Catch you next time 💜

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No timeframe on replying - ever! Just a quick post as im only ducking in before bed. @NightFury

1. Fingers crossed for you to feel calm and collected at the interview tomorrow, to bring your best self to the table as possible. 🥰

2. Your work notified you by email?? Wow, I am horrified by that. Similar to Aunt Glow I am angry/disappointed/reproachful at them for your sake.

3. I love that you are stepping out to find a new career and follow your passions. Like Jynx I also noticed all of them have a very human element to them (even writing does - your audience benefit from your stories in entertainment or learning). I fully support you in following your hearts direction here. I believe in you too. One day, I'd love to read any books/stories you write, travel photos you take, and/or possibly books designed for children MH I wonder... so many possible directions you could do!

4. Totally relating to the changing of career nerves. I am considering if to retrain into Peer/MH because I need a work that I feel is more meaningful/fulfilling for me if I am to continue longterm working i think. But its a big decision because its both unpaid hours of study and prac placement, but also a big pay-cut in hourly wages once qualified (and i can only do part time work, so finances arent great if i take a pay cut).

5. I am horrified also by your fathers response to your choice to apply for MH work. I am so sorry for his insensitive statement, and in my opinion also incorrect. Sure some people may not do it for long, but even so why does that matter? If they like it and it is part of their journey then that is also fine. But plenty of people work in MH for a long time too and make a career of it. I 100% believe you can.

6. @Jynx yep "weird" is a complement. Its funny how we can be drawn to people without even knowing why until we realise when we get to know them a bit more. I havent chatted to you much, but from the post i read i've felt that "this is a person that is interesting to know more about"; now I am starting to understand why. Its that embracing of self and uniqueness, and not shying away from what makes you "weird" to others. I think my first intro post about myself on the forum was along those lines too 😅.

(Having said this, please no one interpret this as I havent also had similar "id like to know this person more" connection feelings to others too! I have - but here i'm just noting it re: the comments about being a weirdo. Please do not feel left out!)

Take care. Sleep well (I hope you already are).