FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

2,451 - 2,460 of 3,920

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury first off good on you for being open with your vulnerability hun. Anger is such a vilified emotion and it can be hard to admit sometimes.

Being pushed out like that, and feeling like you're being thrown under the bus, and like your hard work, passion, and energy that you put towards this organisation were not appreciated - that's sooo flippin hard. I think you have every right to be angry, and to be hurting.

You said that you gave it all you had. I know it feels like it wasn't enough, but like you said maybe it was more than enough, and it was more that their vibe didn't match yours (and lol agreed @AlwaysMyself also my kinda person haha - I am also tattooed, and had dreadlocks for a few years, which I shaved off into a mohawk 😋). I'd also encourage you not to take it as a reflection of your worth, and more a reflection of a narrow window of acceptance.

Try to remind yourself that having a more alternative aesthetic is something that is actually so, so valuable - because it gives others who want to express themselves that way permission to be themselves. You deserve to be celebrated for your uniqueness, and I have faith you'll find your niche 💜

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow I tagged you over here...but for some context.

My work announced on Friday via email which staff won't be returning for 2026 and I was one of them. They thanked me for creating a calm and safe classroom environment, for building strong relationships with the students and stated they were supporting me to find work in the wellbeing space.

It triggered a lot of anger, a lot of hurt. I've cried myself to sleep two nights in a row.

I guess I'm a little burnt out.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx I hate sitting with anger and usually don't express it...like at all. But behind this anger is grief.

I don't know if I can explain it, but...I had a chat to a counsellor about it earlier in the week. I've been matched with an Counsellor through EAP who was a teacher and is now working in the mental health space and she reassured me that the grief is normal.

I am moving away from a career I've been qorking in now for 10 years because it doesn't align with me any more and because I know that it's now having a negative impact on my mental health...and that comes with a level of grief. It's a big change, and it comes with a storm of emotions.

Thank you for reminding me of that.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you for sharing this @NightFury 💛

I can't even imagine how hard this would have been for you to hear. On one hand, it's amazing that they are supporting and encouraging you, but then on the other, I know how hard you have worked to support your students and cultivate the relationships you have there. 😔

I would feel angry and hurt too... crying sounds helpful right now, as awful as it must be.

What does your heart need most today?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury you are so welcome - and you hit the nail on the head I reckon. I've heard anger spoken about as a 'secondary emotion', as in, it emerges from other emotions - usually hurt, pain, or grief. And grief makes soooo much sense for you right now cos you're right, this is a massive part of your life that is changing, and even good changes can carry underlying grief. It can feel like losing a sense of identity, losing time that we spent putting energy towards that goal, and a loss of the potential future we had once envisioned. It's huge! I'm glad you got to have that chat with a counsellor, sounds like they're a good match for you right now 💜

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It needs me to be gentle with it @AuntGlow to be kind to it, to hold it and to allow it to feel. It's hurting and just needs to be held.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Identity is a big one for me @Jynx I've attached my identity to my job. I am a teacher, and that's who I am. I've spoken about this to my counsellor as well, and she has been trying to encourage me to see that the job I do is not who I am. My sense of identity is an ongoing challenge for me. She says that CPTSD disconects us from out sense of self.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx @AuntGlow I finally got up the courage to tell my parents that I won't be teaching at the same school next year - it's only taken a couple of weeks to tell them because...they have high expectations and I don't like letting them down. They're really judgey.

And I told my Dad that I have an interview for a mental health organisation and he responds...

"Those kind of jobs aren't a career. I think they generally don't last long."

Everything's changing around me - my sense of safety, my sense of security, even who I have around me (with the death of my Grandad and potentially losing the connections with my current work colleagues) and that's part of the grieving too. Nothing feels secure, nothing feels sure...

@MissGremlin

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work


@NightFury wrote:

It needs me to be gentle with it @AuntGlow to be kind to it, to hold it and to allow it to feel. It's hurting and just needs to be held.


This is a really beautiful notion. I wonder what that could look like right now?

How could you/others hold that space? 💛

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

The way I got mad for you reading this!! @NightFury

It must be really, really tough feeling like you can't be vulnerable, share your authentic feelings, and express your desires with your parents. I get what it's like to be in a judgemental environment like that. Sharing this with them was incredibly courageous. And rest assured, we are all extremely proud of you for redirecting to where your heart is calling you. That's baddass.

With everything you have had to go through and adjust to this year, you deserve so much compassion and support.

What are you feeling you might need after that conversation? 💛

2,451 - 2,460 of 3,920