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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Oh totally legit @NightFury the cognitive dissonance (a.k.a. the discomfort of trying to hold two conflicting beliefs) is SO real. It is why many people can struggle to take compliments - cos it conflicts with their view of themselves.

It's okay if you don't really feel like it's the truth, but it can help to steer away from black & white thinking when processing things like this - being able to see that it's not one thing or the other. Maybe you don't feel like you're good enough, but perhaps you're better than you give yourself credit. You might say 'I don't think it's realistic to describe myself as 'too good', but I can see that this person is seeing something in me that I may not see in myself, so maybe I could be 'good enough'.

Proud of you for pushing into that discomfort zone and reaching out. There's a saying that's helped me a lot over the years - "All progress takes place out of the comfort zone.'

This is growth 💜

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hearing that you're nurturing yourself in this way is really beautiful, and it will be helping more than you realise. @NightFury 🥰

Okay, in this case, could you potentially explore the tapping videos I sent as you allow emotion in? It might be a helpful way to keep you feeling safe and grounded?

I know you know this already, but just a reminder that you can explore a helpline if things get too much and you need someone to simply be with you.

Thank you for sharing this with me. We are always here for you too, please remember that - you're not in this alone. 🫶

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @AuntGlow

I'm tucked up in bed. I'm feeling...a bit all over the place. My day got off to an emotionally fragile start. I had big emotions and didn't know what to do with them.

I had a real estate inspection today, so I had to leave home earlt to drop Luna off to at my Dad's and in between the emotion and trying hard not to spiral again, getting the house ready for the inspection and dropping Luna off, I managed to leave my lunch at home.

I spoke to my principal today. I approached him for a meeting to share my thoughts on how I can value-add to the school. He apologised to me...he asked me why we had never had this conversation before and I told him that there had never been opportunity. He apologised for not seeing my value, for not having the conversation with me until now. I don't know how I feel about it. It feels weird.

Tonight...I'm not sure how I feel. I think I have too many feelings and thoughts and my brain is just exhausted.

I haven't been watching the Witcher tonight. I watched two episodes of RFDS instead.

How's your day been?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hey @NightFury,

It sounds like yesterday was really tough... how would you like to channel your emotions? Does anything come to mind?

Gah, adulting is always so stressful... How did the inspection go? Did Luna enjoy time with dad?

Aw, that's actually quite sweet and sincere. It sounds like he might consider what else you could do at the school, which is promising?

To be honest, I would also be exhausted - so much has gone on for you over the past couple of months. 💖

Today, I got my haircut (big day) haha BUT it's uneven at the back and I don't know whether to go back and ask for it to be fixed or not. What would you do? 🤔

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Nothing comes to mind at the moment @AuntGlow I'm sorry.

I haven't hear back about the inspection and Luna loves my Dad and he secretly loves her. He calls her "big dog," because he has two little dogs - my Mum and Dad have two shitzu's, one is a teacup. Luna gets so excited to see him.

Maybe, he will consider it, AuntGlow...maybe. I'm questioning how I feel about it...questioning what's best for me.

Re your hair cut. The advice I would give is to go back and politely and respectfully ask to have it fixed. But...if it was me and we're talking actions, I wouldn't go back. I would be too aware that I could hurt the feelings of, or upset the hair dresser.

I've had another big day...

I went to the gym with my work colleague/friend at 5.45 this morning. We spent an hour there. Then went off to work, after work I decided to join the run club (but only walked). I wasn't too keen by the time the end of the day came around - I just wanted to go home, but I went because I said I would. And, I don't think I'll join in again...It kinda triggered a bit of an emotional response from me.

But my major news from today...I've somehow landed a job interview with a mental health service...

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

That's okay! We can come back to this. @NightFury 💖

Awww that is SO sweet.

You're allowed to question. And feeling into what feels light and aligned (maybe a bit scary) might be a good way to understand what the next best step is for you?

haha I was thinking the same thing, gah!

Goodness me, that's early! Good on you. How did you feel afterwards?

It's okay to try things and not go again. 🫶

Ahhh!! This is amazing! How is it sitting with you at the moment?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hey @NightFury

Thinking of you. I'm going through all my notifications. Apologies for being so behind!

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow I question...I have reasons for wanting to stay at the school - my friendships and new connections, the connections I've built with parents and students. But are those reaons enough for me to stay? Am I settling instead of challenging myself because it feels safer and more secure? Am I shrinking myself to fit into a role and a job, because it will pay the bills? Yes! Then how will I feel about that in 3 months time?

After the gym session, I felt good. It makes a difference to how I feel of a morning. Now, my body feels so tired and sore.

A new possible job opportunity scares me. I don't know...I've had a few knock backs and I feel really vulnerable and uncertain and my self-confidence is low. Also, I don't know how to do anything else. I've been a teacher for years. I don't know how to do or to be anything else.

The run club thing this afternoon...I don't know how to explain it without sounding a little odd. I like to walk. I like to take my time and today all I wanted to do was spend time listening to the kookaburra's call each other or watching the ducks swim, or standing on the river bank and becoming lost in how pretty it was, or standing and watching the ripples in the puddles as the rain drops hit them or talking to the cows in the paddock..but it felt like so much pressure to keep up with the others and when I couldn't my brain started picking on me and making me feel like I was being weird. Social anxiety set in and I became all too aware of how different I felt.

Hi @tyme no need to apologise. Hope you're well?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hey @NightFury , really? A mental health service! I reckon your skills would totally complement working with young people. It is such an important area.

I think I've mentioned that I have an education background too? I find mental health so rewarding, and my learning from working with young people has supported my work in mental health!

I look forward to hearing more!

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I think I did know you were from an education background @tyme I think we've talked about it before.

Thank you for sharing that. It's the avenue that I eventually want to go down. I was a young person who didn't get the support they needed with their mental health and now adulthood is much harder. So, I'd really like to help bridge that gap.

The position is for a Group Programs Worker. Working to run, promote and create programs to help build biopsychosocial strategies and skills to support social inclusion. @AuntGlow

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