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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Good afternoon @NightFury,

I am so sorry if I said anything that made you feel more vulnerable. Please feel free to always let me know if something doesn't sit right with you - I always welcome your voice. 💛

I hear you with this need... I wonder, are there little moments throughout your day that remind you of this?

I really like @AlwaysMyself's redirection towards what you feel is consequential. I am looking forward to your thoughts.

I understand and I admire your persistence. I think it's more than valid to need time to warm to someone, especially when trust is such a focal point for you. When you're sharing your innermost with someone, it truly is so vulnerable. Know that what you're doing takes so much courage, you really have come so far.

I am just thinking, I wonder if you could share this with her? That connection is what you need to cultivate trust? Just something to consider. 🫶

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hello @AuntGlow

First off, you don't owe me an apology. I am struggling to regulate my emotions at the moment and I am really reactive. I've been crying a lot at a lot of things, and not just little tears. I cried myself to sleep maybe three nights last week and last night. It's just me. It wasn't you. I didn't even understand what set off the tears last night.

I was reminded of it on Saturday. At bowls, I've been moving up and down the divisions. I played in Div 2 for the first game, premier league for the second game and Div 2 this week. The captain of my team asked me to stay in Div 2, because he wanted me as a consistent member of the team. It madr me feel wanted, included. It made me feel as if I mattered to someone and was valued. So, I do have moments that challenge those thoughts and feelings that label me as inconsequential.

I must admit when I first read @AlwaysMyself's post, I had a bit of a mental freak out and was like..."I don"t know the answers to any of those questions..." but I'm going to sit down and have a closer look with a cuppa and a quiet household.

Trust is so so important for me. I have to trust someone, or...nothing they suggest will be accepted or believed by my brain and thoughts and I won't open up and talk like I need to. I could try sharing it with her?

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

What's important to me? @AlwaysMyself

Safety, trust, being the kind of person who does no harm to others, authenticity, having a few close friends who really know me underneath all the masks, having connection to my family, my dog Luna, being able to support myself (ie, having a roof over my head, a job that pays the bills etc), my independence, having a job that's fulfilling and involves people.

I don't know how to answer the others. I'm sorry. I appreciate them, I just don't know how to answer them.

@AuntGlow

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

That must be really overwhelming... 😔

It sounds like you're holding a lot, and that makes sense, because you're managing a lot right now. @NightFury

How can we provide you with extra support and nurturing this week? 🥰

Ah, I am so happy to read this. What do you notice happens in your mind and body when you sit with that confirmation that you are wanted and valued?

It's okay, you're allowed to not have answers straight away! 🫶

That makes so much sense. I often feel the same. I think sharing with her would be really helpful? But it's completely up to you. ❤️

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I don't really know @AuntGlow. I don't need a lot and I often don't know what I need. But, can you guys check in? I know you guys do it anyway, but...please? I just need some understanding, because I might run. I've been doing that when the emotions come up - tapping out of the forums. I know that's what I should be doing, but then...I'm dealing with it alone. If someone can check in, then it makes me check in here, which means I'm not running and I'm not alone. So, just some understanding and someone to check in? I don't know if that makes sense? I know it sounds complicated...

When I sit with the feelings and evidence that I'm wanted and valued. Things feel lighter, and the thoughts of being inconsequential disappear for a while. It's like things feel...softer, gentler and I feel more confident and take up more space.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Of course we can check in!! @NightFury 💖

@AlwaysMyself @EternalFlower @MissGremlin @Shaz51

It sounds like you're needing people to show up for you, which is perfectly understandable.

That sounds so expansive. Can you tap into that space for a bit tonight? I wonder if that will help to soften things?

I will be back tomorrow, let's chat more then? 💛

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you. ❤️

I can try to tap into it tonight @AuntGlow

Good night. Hope the rest of your night treats you well

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hello @NightFury my sweet, i will gladly check in with you tomorrow morning if you like ❤️.

You matter so much to us here, we love having you around and I always love chatting to you. Sending you hugs beautiful ❤️.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I would like that @MissGremlin but only if you have capacity to do so, my friend because I know you have a lot going on.

I'm heading to bed. Hopefully to get some sleep tonight. Good night, Dreamy and thank you.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury i will check in tomorrow morning sweet ❤️.

Hope you get a good night's rest. Night night sweet ❤️.

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