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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

That's hard @NightFury any particular thoughts or feelings that you reckon are keeping you stuck in the spiral?

My week has been pretty standard, got some walks in and hung out with the kitties. Plus the usual endless mountain of chores 😅

What have you been up to?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx work, work and more work. I've not been up to anything really exciting.

It kicked off during a recent Recovery ZOOM. [edited by moderator] We watched a clip on labels and people kept giving this guy labels to stick on himself, nasty, horrible words, then someone gave him a label that said, "loved" and he stuck it over the others.

The tears started and wouldn't stop. I journalled and unravelled. And one word, one label that I realised I've been carrying came up...

"Inconsequential"

It explains why I've been feeling weird here too and struggling with a feeling of rejection.

I feel inconsequential. The Real Estate doesn't care that I could be homeless or back home with my parents early December because my house is sold. The people who came into my home and stole my house and car keys don't care that it's impacted my sense of safety...not just at home, but in the world in general. Work doesn't care that at the end of this term...8 weeks time, I could be without a contract and unemployed. My peychologist doesn't care that I'm frustrated and feeling...no connection with her.

They don't care about the impact any of it has on me...

I am inconsequential. I don't matter.

And that one word has been in my brain since.

I've tried flipping it. And telling myself that...I do matter but the word is stuck.

@AuntGlow

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury just letting you know we've edited your post - just in case other forums members have been in the same group recently 😉 Probably better if you just don't specify the time if you wanna talk about your experiences 💜

Lemme know if you got concerns of course!

Wow hun. That's BIG. I know it probably feels very disparaging/overwhelming but I just see someone out here actually identifying their struggles by name. In my experience, recognition can give us the power to more decisively enact change. Example - when I first did Schema therapy yonks ago, one of the words that got stuck in my brain was 'unlovable'. Like you, I was overcome with despair, as I realised that this self-concept was at the root of a LOT of my insecurities.

Through identifying it though, I was able to, over time, begin to challenge the concept and start finding evidence to the contrary.

'Inconsequential' is a big one hey. Really touches at the root of some of mankind's greatest existential queries that we've basically been asking since antiquity. How do we find our place in the world when it's chock full of other humans, each their own unique constellation of experiences?

I think this is one of the Big Questions that got me into the philosophical stance called 'Absurdism' - the idea is that we are meaning-making creatures in a meaningless universe, a fundamental absurdity of existence. It "involves embracing the fundamental conflict between humanity's desire for meaning and the universe's lack of it. It's about creating your own purpose by rebelling against meaninglessness, finding joy in everyday moments, and living with passion, rather than searching for a predetermined or external source of meaning." (Thank you for summary google, haha)

Anyway, philosophical ramblings aside, I wanted to give you a little 'evidence' to contradict the idea that you are inconsequential.

You are part of this community. You may not ever know it, but someone has read your story and been moved by it (like me! I find your story very moving). By being open and vulnerable, you have helped others feel less alone. You are a valued presence here, and your absence is noticeable (no, I'm not just saying that. Your brain may not wanna believe me but it's true). Talking to you often makes me feel a sense of warmth and connection - I think because you remind me so much of a younger me.

Maybe none of this matters, maybe we are all just blips on a rock floating through space. But if even one person finds a smile because of something you've shared, is that not the most amazing thing? That we can just express ourselves honestly, and others will be moved and have feelings and find hope and feel less alone from reading? That is, in my eyes, huge. The little things count the most in my experience, cos sometimes even the littlest gesture can be the difference between life and death.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I don't have concerns @Jynx I'm sorry.

I feel like I say this every week but it's been a big week of self realisation, I think and it's having an impact on me emotionally.

My psychologist is writing a letter to my GP recommending diagnosis and medication for Neurodiversity. I scored high on the screeners for both ADHD and Autism. She also had me do a screener for OCD and sent me through a lot of resources. I've also been unofficially diagnosed with CPTSD. I feel a bit like an alphabet soup at the moment.

Then this realisation about this particular label I carry and how I see myself and how I think others see me...

I've read your evidence and thank you for sharing. It is hard for my brain to believe. It seems adamant on looking for proof that I am inconsequential and not seeing evidence to the contrary. Maybe tonight, I need to challenge it in my journal.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hey @NightFury

You made it to Friday! Well done!

I read about your real estate not caring. What's happening there? Do you mean not helping with a new property?

Sitting with you.

Did you get all your work done today?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

The transition from Thursday to Friday was rough @tyme but I did make it.

They don't communicate anything with me. So, I don't even know what's happening there. It's my responsibility to find a new place to live, they don't have to help me. They just...don't care.

It was a quiet day today, tyme. We had over half the school away because we had a mid week public holiday yesterday. It was weird to be back at it today.

How was your day? Are you still doing your sticky notes?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I've got two work desks. I haven't even reached the other desk with the sticky notes I need to work on @NightFury So I have looked at them. I was supposed to write new ones, but didn't get too far.

I know you said your lease doesn't end until Dec. Can you start looking for rentals now in case people are living and need time to move? I don't know what it's like for you over there. Is it hard to find rentals?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury


@NightFury wrote:

I feel like I say this every week but it's been a big week of self realisation, I think and it's having an impact on me emotionally.


I think this means you're growing hun! I reckon so anyway - you're developing your skills of introspection, something that I've found super helpful in my own recovery 😊💜

Hahaha omg I have often referred to my pile o diagnoses as alphabet soup 🤣

Here if you wanna talk ND. Like literally it's one of my special interests - I really enjoy chatting about what I've learned as someone late-diagnosed ADHD (and currently in process of ASD diagnosis, haha guess who also scored super high! 😝)

It can feel pretty overwhelming, but just remember - these labels don't tell us who we are. They help guide treatment, potentially on helpful medication, and they can help us make sense of our experiences. My ADHD is 100% a big part of my identity. But I am NOT my ADHD, and it is not me.

Totally expected - and that's okay! Those kinda thought processes are usually pretty automatic, cos they probably once helped to protect you. Our brains don't like letting go of things it thinks can help us in survival.

The more epiphanies and realisations you have, the more you'll start recognising em when they pop up. When we can recognise em in the moment, then we can start working towards gently challenging them - takes practice, and it helps to work through it externally at first i.e. with a therapist, or if you have a friend who you can ask for some backup. Like...ask them to call you out on any talk that makes it sound like you're de-valuing yourself or your place in the world. Then you can try to use that as an opportunity to reframe or challenge your habitual line of thinking.

Oh boy...big pile of text! Hehe feel free to take your time absorbing whatever is meaningful for you amongst all my rambles, and I hope the journalling goes well 😉💜

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

You'll get there @tyme just keep pluggin away at them.

I have started the process of looking. I have to watch the dates though, because if I find something before this lease finishes in December, I may have to pay rent for both. I tried to clarify that with the real estate today but...I think they were closed. And yeah, rentals are hard to get your hands on over here.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Am I right in saying that tassie is considered 'regional'? @NightFury

Are rentals quite expensive? I remember in Sydney, a 1 bedroom unit used to be $500 a week!

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