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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I would like to learn how to do that @Jynx to work towards being able to self-soothe and talk myself down from panic..

It's the final final assignment and provided that I pass, it means that I now have a Graduate Certificate in Child and Adolescent Mental Health. I am taking a break now for a little while, and then I think I want to go on to do the Masters, so I can be a qualified Child and Adolescent Mental Health Counsellor. The Grad Cert is the first four units of the Masters. I don't know if I'm certain on doing my Masters yet, but I do know I want/need to have a break.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Congratulations @NightFury , way to go 🥰

Sometimes I find it hard to write down what I am thinking @Jynx

That is what happened here last night , so sent hugs 🫂

@MissGremlin , @AlwaysMyself

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury you'll get there. I can give you a little example of a change in my thinking that resulted from learning to soothe by reassuring those anxious thoughts.

So early in recovery it'd be like "This person has a low mood and isn't texting me back. Oh god I must have done something wrong!" Cue me agonising over our recent interactions to try to find a reason...

Mid-recovery it went more like... "This person isn't texting me back. Oh god I must have ruined somethi- wait wait hold on... I don't know for sure it's about me. Lemme think about other potential factors that could be happening. Maybe it's cos of this.... I should ask them."

Nowadays it's like, "They're not texting me back. Hope they're ok, but they haven't said anything to me so I know it's not about me. I'll focus on other stuff till I hear from them."

There's other self-soothing skills and stuff - like waaaaaay more. Mindfulness and meditation are very well-known, there's also stuff like tapping, breathwork, reframing, externalising, affirmations, heck even yoga 😊 But I thought a 'social anxiety' example might be most relevant 😉 That above is a form of reframing I think.

Anyway, big ramble over, and yeah double congrats on the final final submission!! I totally think a break before Masters is a wise thing to be considering! I think it's good to have time off study cos I know that during studies, even on my nights off I'd always have 'work/study/essays to do' lingering in my brain. Whereas with just working, I am able to switch of from it entirely during the week.

Though now I think I might be the opposite of you, getting keen to stimulate my brain with some new learnings!

Seriously awesome stuff, you get some Big Phat Kudos from me!!

@Shaz51 my dear, sometimes hugs carry just as much meaning and weight as words do. It's a simple gesture but it still means we get a notification, we see your name, we get to be excited about someone thinking about us. I think it's really meaningful 💜

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

YAYYYY! @NightFury

How do you feel? 🥳

Also, how has your weekend been? Thinking of you. 🫶

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx I can relate so much to that thinking. I totally go through those..."she hasn't replied, so I think I've done somewthing wrong, or done something to upset her." Here on the forums it's been, "they haven't replied so, I've done something to upset them," or "I'm too negative and they're sick of me."

I go through patterns of reminding myself that maybe they have other things on, but...I fall out of those patterns really quickly and revert back to my original thoughts. Lately, it hasn't even occurred to me to challenge my thoughts.

I've tried mindfulness, I've tried tapping, I've tried breathwork and have had some successes at it, but nothing really sticks. It's getting it to stick that's the problem.

Thank you for the congrats. This course has been soso hard. I've been triggered by the content, I've had to deal with the loss of my Grandad, my mental health challenges, physical health challenges, a break in, working while studying and a whole lot of other things and it's been a lot. I just need to take the pressure off for a while.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @AuntGlow

I feel...tired. I accidentally had a sleep this afternoon in the bean bag while watching TV and I woke up still tired.

I'm a little worried. Studying kept me very busy, and now I have extra free time. But I also acknowledge that I do need some time.

My weekend has been okay...

I scrubbed the house clean yesterday morning, then played lawn bowls. Our club, played against my Dad and brother's club, they beat us. The club held a minute silence for my Grandad before the game and put his lawn bowls on the green.

I was pretty tired after and tried to go to bed early, but slept poorly. I had dreams about my Grandad, and another nightmare about Luna going missing.

Today, I washed my dreadlocks, then spent three hours finishing off my assignment. I mowed the back lawn after that because I needed some physical movement and sat down to eat my lunch in front of the TV and accidentally fell asleep.

How's your weekend been?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I think most of the time it's a practice thing @NightFury (though sometimes it's also context/energy dependent) - as in, none of these strategies ever truly had a powerful effect until I had done them over n over n over - until it becomes habit. So it's not like you've lost this skill, you're just out of practice!

Also, just wanna say that self-soothing is NOT the only way to soothe. Seeking connection and co-regulation is always a good option, especially if you're unable to rely on your internal skills.

The goal is not to become completely independent, cos that's not how humans work - we're social creatures by nature, and even though modern social norms tell us that if we have to rely on others it means we're a failure.... the opposite is true. We wouldn't have gotten to where we are without cooperation - it's like, the whole reason for our success as a species.

We cry so vividly and visually BECAUSE we are signalling we need external support. I think it's good to have these skills to lean on, but not to the exclusion of turning to others for that dollop of courage and reassurance we sometimes need to get us through. All about balance 😌

You've gone through so much recently hun. You can be very proud of all you've done, how you've coped and definitely relish in some much-needed rest! 💜

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx I used to believe, up until a couple of years ago that I didn't need anyone, that I would and could do everything myself. Even go through a melanoma diagnosis and treatment on my own. I would actively push people away, and never really let anyone get to know me, or get close to me. This whole...letting others in is still very much a work in progress for me, as is reaching out when I need external support.

I acknowledge now that connection is important to me and having external support from people, allowing others to help hold me, is important.

I haven't really coped, Jynx. I've just gone through it. I have a long way to go before I'm coping, I think.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx , I can soo relate to your message as @NightFury said

I feel that a lot as a feeling of being rejected is very strong in me

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Me to @Shaz51 me to!

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