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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx I'm not sure, but I think it has a lot to do with my need to feel safe at the moment. It's kind of come up strongly since I was broken into a couple of weeks ago now. I need connections and people who help me to feel safe.

But it's kind of all twisty and has become about the feeling of being rejected, feeling like no one cares and that's because I'm too much and too emotional and too much work.

I don't know...maybe I'm just looking for a reason why it's coming up?

So maybe it makes sense that I'm projecting my insecurities. Thank you fpr sharing some proof to the contrary and your strategies for managing these type of thoughts and anxieties when they come up.

I have an appointment with my psychologist next week, but I have a lot to talk about. It feels like so much. There's the break in, my neurodivergence screener results, and the fact that I think I'm experiencing OCD.

I am in the Recovery Club, but I don't interact a lot and mostly contribute through the chat. Sometimes I want to use my voice instead but...I'm super aware of how awkward I sound when I try to talk about things outloud and how much I stumble and get flustered and anxious.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury that absolutely makes sense to me hun. Something that ignites the survival instinct so strongly (a break-in is a violation of the sense of safety of one of our basic needs - shelter) is bound to have ripple effects and result in heightened sensitivity to other perceived 'threats', which is what social anxiety revolves around - the threat of ostracisation.

You're exactly as emotional as you need to be hun, and I think most of us here are a lot of work, but never, ever too much. And to the right people (ourselves included) it's work worth doing.

Maybe you can bring all of it up in the session, but reflect on which one feels the most pressing, and start there?

Oh I know most of the team and I promise you they will not care - I think a lot of them can probably relate to that feeling 😅

Also if it helps, I too stumble over words, I trail off a lot and I frequently go on strange tangents. Something I noticed is that the more I 'confessed' my social anxiety to others, the less power it had over me. Also I think most people accessing our services have social anxiety to some extent, so it's probably the perfect place to practice speaking up - cos you know no one in there is going to judge you or make you feel bad if you struggle 💜

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I think related to me needing to feel safe...

I feel safe here, and safe with people here. It's one of the only places I feel safe at the moment. And I think...maybe I'm just extra aware of how flimsy that feeling of safety can be and afraid of losing it @Jynx.

Bringing it all up and then going with what feels the most pressing is a good idea.

I've been wanting to talk out loud in the sessions for a little while, but haven't been able to muster up the courage. Maybe if I own it, like you said. Let them know how I'm feeling and preface with..."So...I'm anxious ans likely to fins this hard..." or something of the sort.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury just chiming in with hopefully some encouragement - but it's my honest thoughts/feelings 😊.

Im not in RC, so know that I say this as someone def not in the group, BUT if I *were* in a support group and I heard someone say they were nervous and it was difficult to voice and then they try to express themselves-- then that is something I totally respect and think they should be so proud of doing 😊 it doesnt matter how much they struggle or fluster or how much others understand -- even the fact theyre having a go and trying is amazing (and the only way to get better at it is to do so!).

Chances are people *will* understand what you mean. 😊but *even* if i didnt - i would totally respect and value it! 🥰

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you @AlwaysMyself for sharing your thoughts/opinions on this.

It helps and it's reassuring.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hugs ❤️ @NightFury

@AlwaysMyself , @Jynx 😊

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I did it!

I submitted my final assignment for the Graduate Certificate in Child and Adolescent Mental Health.

Just thought I'd share!

@Shaz51 @AuntGlow @tyme @MissGremlin @AlwaysMyself @Jynx

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

🎉🎊🪅🥳🥂🎆

You did it @NightFury !!!!!!!!

Amazing!!!!!!!

I hope you feel a lot of relief and less pressure now it is all submitted?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Well done my sweet @NightFury, so proud of you ❤️.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury I totally get that feeling. Luckily, emotional safety is not a static thing that is always dependent on things in our lives going 'right'. It's also something we can cultivate with skills and practice. Learning how to self-soothe or how to talk oneself down from panic are absolutely things you can work towards. So even if it feels like you might 'lose' that sense of safety, it doesn't mean it's gone forever or going to feel like this forever.

And OMG CONGRATS!! Is that the final final one and you're on break now?

Aww love it @AlwaysMyself ty for sharing your experiences!

And ty for the hugs @Shaz51 💜

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