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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @tyme long time, no chat.

I hope you're doing okay?

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hello and hugs @AuntGlow , @NightFury , @AlwaysMyself , @tyme , @Chasingsunsets 😍

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @Shaz51

How are you going over there?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hello @NightFury

How are you my friend 🧡

Feeling tired tonight as I did gardening all the weeds while hubby mowed the lawn in-between showers of rain

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Feeling tired too @Shaz51

It's been a big start to the school term and I've been trying to finish my last assignment.

I've been busy and trying to juggle everything and process aome stuff.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hey @Jynx

Hope you're well, my friend?

I was wondering if you had a minute to have a chat about something?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

How are you @NightFury 🥰

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Community is here for you @NightFury 😉

Hey @Shaz51!

What's on your mind?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @Jynx @Shaz51

I'm not doing terribly today. I cleaned the house this morning - scrubbed it spotless. This afternoon, I played a game of lawn bowls. Now I have that been out in the wind and the sun, touch of sunburn feeling that makes me feel super lazy.

@Jynx I need some help working through feelings and trigger that are coming up on the forums over the last couple of weeks...

I appear to have a heightened sense of rejection on here lately and it hurts a lot. But it triggers lots of thoughts about how...people don't want to talk to me because they're sick and tired of my negativity and my emotions and the drama in my life, that I'm not positive enough, that I ruin all good things in my life because I can't be happy and approachable and calm and settled...

This then causes me to...feel really awkward sometimes in the way that I interact here. I lose my words, I shut down and then want to run...I don't know how to make small talk in social situations, and so I'm super aware of the thoughts in the back of my mind (that people are over me, sick and tired of me and my stiff) and so...it makes it harder to know how to interact and what to say.

I hope I'm making sense...because I don't know how to explain it.

It isn't anyone's fault and it has nothing to do with anyone on here - it's me and my own thoughts and emotions and state of mind having an impact here. I'm aware of it, but I don't know how to work through it.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury Something that took me a really long time to realise is that by and large, the way we think other people think of us is actually how we see ourselves. And when my social anxiety was really bad, I felt quite similarly - that people must hate me because I'm too much, too difficult, too negative, all that stuff. But the more I explored the feelings with folks like my therapist, and more importantly my friends who I believed saw me this way, the more I realised that I was projecting my own insecurities out, and that really, people were mostly pretty fond of me.

So here's some evidence to the contrary of what your brain is telling you - you do not owe anyone a happy face. You are going through a lot and you're allowed to be honest about that. If someone is 'sick' of your emotional state, that is their issue, not yours. And I know you're not negative ALL the time because we have had many a conversation about things other than your mental health. You've made me laugh, made me feel warm n fuzzy, and shared some really cool stuff in this space. I know for a fact you aren't 'all drama all the time', because I have experienced otherwise.

As for working through it... it's a process I imagine. For me it really helped to work on my self-compassion and self-acceptance. For example, gently reminding myself that people are not actually thinking about me as much as I think they are, and that the person whose opinion matters most is me.

Therapy could help, as could maybe joining into some group-style support to help with the social skills side of things. Are you already part of Recovery Club? The groups they run are awesome - they're not therapy groups or psychoeducational style, more like social connection - and there's no obligation to turn on camera or speak aloud if you're not up for it, some folks just hang out in the chat 😊

You're not alone in these feelings hun. I'm glad you're able to express them and don't have to muddle through all of this alone. We're here for ya 💜

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