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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Yeah @tyme it's not unusual for people to change careers and jobs, especially these days where education and learning new skills is more accessible.

I can still be a teacher, without being in the classroom. There are many different jobs and careers that teaching is a part of. It's sharing knowledge and skills with other. And so, stepping out of the classroom doesn't make me less of a teacher.

It's okay, don't stress. If it's important you'll remember.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Actually, that's a good point. Didn't you say you were in leadership at school in the past? Maybe that's something you can look at too with the qualification @NightFury ?

Grrr. How annoying! I know in my head I said I wanted to say something to you, and I just can't think of it!

When I remember, I'll reach out, even if it's in the middle of the night 🙂

Do you feel able to go to school on Monday?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I was in leadership, yes @tyme and maybe, we'll just have to see what happens on the job front. I have a term, to figure things out. The plan is to apply for teaching and non-teaching jobs and see what happens.

Reach out any time.

I feel able to go back to school, but I'm not looking forward to it. It's going to be a busy term and I have to try and keep my head above water.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hello lovely! @NightFury

How are you today? 💛

Thank you for sharing this with me, it sounds like things were feeling big in your body and hey, that's okay. There will always be days, weeks, even months that feel harder than others - where our safer and more supportive strategies are not accessible. In my experience, the more we work to integrate these parts of ourself with compassion, the less they take over. And it's allowed to take time. 🥰

Ah this reading feels so on point - the theme of self-trust is really potent right now, isn't it? I can definitely see how the things happening around you are propelling you into a lot of change, which would feel really scary... but I do believe that everything happens for us, even when it doesn't feel that way. Where do you notice abundance in your life currently?

Wow, how does the idea of working with young people in this capacity feel for you? And what beliefs do you think might need some of your attention right now?

Such an interesting reading. I wonder if some of this guiding feminine energy could be your higher self too?

I really like the idea of the universe guiding you towards somewhere safer to live, you absolutely deserve that.

It seems like you are feeling a little more hopeful after this reading @NightFury.

I saw somewhere you applied for a job! Please tell me more!

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hello @AuntGlow I was worried about you. I hope you're doing okay?

Being open to allowing things to take time is not my forte. I'm not good at it. In my experience and life experiences everything is rushed and sudden and so that's how I habe learnt to live. Slowing down and allowing things to take time is hard for me.

Yeah, self-trust and she said something that's been on my mind. She told me that I don't believe I'm enough. I know already that it's belief that I have about myself, and I do some work on it and start to change it, but it runs deep and it's persistent.

I would like to explore this idea of working woth young people in that capacity. I think, when I look at it, it aligns. I need to work on the belief that I'm not enough. I can't shake it. It just keeps popping it's head back up. And the belief that...abundance is in the past (the money, the career stability, the housing stability, the sense of belonging and the friendships are all in the past). I need to look at why that's come up and why I blame myself for that.

I did apply for a job last night, but it's not one that I'll get, or one that I can take if I do get it. My contract doesn't end until December. It's as a student well being and support officer at an alternative school here. They work with young people up to the age of 18 who struggled in the school system. It's hands on, real world learning.

As for how I'm doing...

My thoughts are playing games...

And I'm trying to adjust to being back at work.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I am, please don't worry! I just had the weekend off to do a show. @NightFury 💃

I completely hear you, and I am sure it feels rather uncomfortable allowing things to take time. What might help you with this?

I feel you on the not believing you're enough front too - I am the exact same. It's really tough rewiring those beliefs... I have found showing up and challenging myself to do the things I fear has been helpful. (This could work for you too!)

These beliefs are likely very old and something you internalised very young. I know you know this, but I am curious, if you could pinpoint whose voice it is - who would it belong to? Perhaps creating seperation from it being you could be helpful?

Why wouldn't you take this role, do you think?

How is being at work feeling? 💛

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Good to hear @AuntGlow how did the show go?

I don't know what would help me with it. Maybe just practice? Practice and eventually believing in the safety of it?

The voice...I think it belongs to my perception of my Mum and the pressure I felt came from her.

I don't think I can take this role. It depends on when they would want me to start, but I'm contracted in my current position until the end of this term.

Being at work is feeling...

Socially tough, awkward at times, and like a whole lot of pressure. It's been nice to see the kids again.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @NightFury just popping my head in to say a friendly 'hi' and that I've been thinking of you and hoping your home-anxiety has settled even just a smidgen (but hopefully maybe even more).

Saw your comment re: if you were offered the role you applied for, and its start date vs current contract end date. Something I have come to realise is that so many people leave work fixed-term-contract roles prior to expiration - and even some teachers mid-term I am aware of.

... what would happen if you did quit prior to the contract end date? Is there any financial penalty for you? 🤔

If an employer thinks you are the best candidate, they may be flexible with start dates and prepared to have a longer delay in starting the role. 😊 It's always worth a discussion if you are offered the role.

(I had to think about these things a few months ago when I applied for a few roles whilst not knowing if my planned temporary transfer would proceed or be cancelled -- "what if i wasn then offered one of the applied-for roles which I would prefer? But I had just accepted this temporary transfer for 6 months...")

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AlwaysMyself thank you for your message and hello.

I have read it and I just wanted to let you know that, and you did remind me of a few good points and got me thinking that maybe if this role is for me, that I would have a choice and there might be some flexibility there.

I'm gonna tap out tonight though...I can feel...overwhelm and things starting to feel like a lot. So, I'm going to go to bed.

@AuntGlow

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Goodnight @NightFury, please take care of yourself, especially when the thoughts are loud. 🥰

I will respond to your other message properly tomorrow. x

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