Acceptance is hard work

Hello @NightFury,

How are things feeling at home?

I am so glad to see people are supporting you. I hope @tyme sharing her lived experience has been helpful too. 💖

I am well, thank you for always checking in. 🫶

Things aren't feeling good here @AuntGlow

But I'm glad you're well.

Do you want to talk about it at all? @NightFury ❤️

I've been really impacted by this @AuntGlow I can't sleep without leaving the TV on and I have to constantly check the doors to see if they're locked.

Every little noise makes me jump. Even during the day.

I think they came back last night. I heard the gate rattle hard and consistently, like someone trying to open it, then I heard a car door close and a car take off. I didn't see anything because I was in bed, and can only go on what I heard.

But...I even have doubts about that...was it my imagination? Is it because I'm anxious and scared? It was windy, so did the wind blow the gate and there just happened to be a car? I don't know.

I did go back to sleep because I took my sleep meds before bed, but I had nightmares and woke up feeling freshly scared and heightened.

Constantly checking the doors is bothering me...because I logically know they're locked, but I have to check even though I already know. It's a reassurance thing.

I don't know if my reaction is okay, whether it's a normal, acceptable reaction, or whether...it isn't, whether I should be worried about it.

@tyme

And @AuntGlow

I spoke to a service this afternoon about it and the person told me...

That this could be a big set back for me and that I need to be wary that the "compulsive" checking of the doors, if not dealt with, could become more worrying.

hey there @NightFury i'm so sorry to hear you had a break-in! i've had a few of my friends experience break-ins and burglaries this year, and a lot of how you feel is similar to how they felt too.

i remember reading how things like hypervigilance, sensitivity to sounds/movements and having nightmares/difficulty with deep sleep, etc., were normal reactions to such events. it's our survival mode kicking in and being alert, your mind and body trying to protect you (fight/flight mode still activated).

sometimes the more we feed into that worry, the more overwhelmed we can feel so things like self-talk and reframing can be helpful. as you take your time to rebuild your sense of safety, this feeling will lessen. this incident is still very recent/fresh, so i reckon it makes sense you'd feel this way! but with time, it can get better and less exhausting. continue being gentle with yourself 💙

Thank you for sharing @rav3n

It is exhausting,and judging my own reactions and questioning whether they're "normal" and okay to have is exhausting too. It's almost an extra layer of worry on top of it all.

Thank you for the reassurance.

Your response is so, so fair @NightFury 🥺❤️

What happened is very scary and traumatic, your safety was genuinely impacted - of course you're feeling afraid. It's okay for this to take time to heal.

Last night would have been really triggering and scary too... regardless of whether it was the wind or not.

Have the police given you any updates?

Also, this support person likely meant well, but this is something you can address in a year's time... because right now, this is what your mind is doing to keep yourself safe, right? And you're allowed to do what you need to feel safe at the moment. You are doing your absolute best to manage a very destabilising situation.

I am curious to know when you will be moving?

Here with you, lovely. You're not alone. 🫶

@AuntGlow I kind of froze last night. And then when I feel back to sleep, I dreamt that there were people in my bedroom. I physically reacted and jerked myself awake and ended up tweaking a muscle in my leg.

The Police rang me on Friday to see if I'd found anything else missing and to get another description of the people. They told me to call if anything else came up.

I didn't call today though, about last night because...I don't know if it was just my brain connecting noises and turning them into a story.

Yeah, I think that's what's happening. Everytime I get up and go into the kitchen I have to check the doors, everytime I leave the kitchen, I have to check the doors, every time I go outside to get wood, I have to double check the doors. I have to check them a few times before I can relax enough to go to bed. And I put a chair in front of the back door so that I can hear if anyone comes in. I'm still sleeping with the lights on. I've tried sleeping without the TV on and I freak out and have to turn it on.

The house is under offer. The Real Estate led a couple of investors through two weeks ago and they told me the investors would like to keep me on as a tenant. I was thinking today though, that I don't want to stay here. My lease ends in December.

Oh that would have been a lot for you... 😔 @NightFury

I think it would be worthwhile sharing it with them, just in case. I really want you to feel as supported as possible right now.

And I really, really want to validate that I would do the exact same thing. I am a woman who has lived alone, so I get how important it is to feel safe. ESPECIALLY if this hasn't been the case.

I am just thinking of how we can increase your support network - what comes to mind?

Honestly, I think this is a good opportunity for you to start fresh if it feels right? Maybe this is something you could also do a tarot reading on?

I think turning to anything that can allow you to feel grounded will be very helpful.

I can recommend trying the tapping when you feel unsafe as well.

And we are all here for you, hoping and praying for the best. 💛