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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I wish we could all come and sit with you @NightFury, know that we are doing so from afar.

I understand my words alone will not take away your fear, but I wonder if it could be helpful to take all reasonable steps to keep yourself safe, and then come back to self-soothing practices for grounding - so that you can regulate the fight/flight response that's coming up?

Again, your feelings are so, so valid and I don't want to minimise them at all. I am just thinking of some ways we can help you to feel slightly less activated in the body right now. Know that you are allowed to sit with how hard this is and feel everything that's coming up. 💛

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Logically, I have taken all reasonable steps @AuntGlow and my brain knows that. I keep reminding myself of that. But it's my reaction that's the issue. The way it feels in my body and my fight/flight response. Self-soothing strategies for grounding could help.

The lego has been helping, but I'm tired and focussing on it is hard. I might switch it up and try some colouring in...or something like that.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I just came across this EFT tapping video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YovfdfLFgk

This woman has a really safe energy and *I think* a Scottish accent! So I get the sense she would be a calming presence for you. Let me know if it helps and remember that how you are feeling is perfectly understandable.

Colouring in sounds really calming.

I will be back on Sunday. 💛

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you for sharing @AuntGlow

I will give it a go now.

Have a good couple of days off and thank you for being here.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

This @AuntGlow made a difference. I feel more relaxed in my body. It's almost a relief.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @NightFury I am so sorry to hear about your situation, I can imagine how terrifying it would be (at least to some degree). I am so glad Luna was and is, there for you. Dogs are wonderful.

Sorry, I did not see @AuntGlow tag until just now. I am glad you had forum members around to chat to and offer support.

I hope you will be able to settle down over the coming days. I have had a similar situation and it took me days to settle.

I'm glad you are being kind to yourself and that your Dad has been there. You seem to have the practical things under control.

The anxiety over noises will settle, but take it easy on yourself if this takes a while. I think that's completely understandable.

I hope you are able to show yourself as much kindness as you need. I understand that staying at home seems good, but don't forget that connection is important. I'm glad you are still on the forums

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @Till23 thank you for your reply and your support. I've spent all day fighting imagined jump scares and the things that go bump in the house. It was starting to get bad, but I tried Aunt Glow's tapping video and it gave me a bit of a reprieve. So, I'm currently in a better space at the moment.

I'm anticipating it will take a bit of time to settle and start to feel safe and confident again. I'm willing to give myself that time. I just have to find some strategies to use when fight/flight kicks in and strategies to help me get some sleep.

Being here on the forums today has helped.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Yes @NightFury those things that go bump can be anxiety provoking. I've been there myself -hypervigilant and jumping. I hope this settles down quickly.

I see you've been going head-to-head with @MissGremlin with your lego creations, which I hope has been a bit of a distraction and therefore calming.

I am glad the forums have helped.

Yes I will look at that tapping video. I have heard of the technique before.

Don't forget your 5 senses, maybe skip the hearing one though

Does Luna sleep with you?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Till23 the five sense is a good one too. But maybe as a four sense. Thanks for the reminder.

We did go head to head for a bit, but I've put the lego away for now. It's has been helping. It's a good way to keep my hands busy and keep my brain focused on something other than being scared.

Yes, Luna does sleep with me and I love sleeping next to her. She makes me feel safer, and her sleep breathing helps me to co-regulate when I have nightmares or get scared of a night.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Yes @NightFury I like keeping busy as a way of coping.

Dogs are so great, I am missing mine. I finally got to retirement when I could spend more time with them but one had already passed away and the other wa quite old.

I will likely get another dog.

I used to love listening to my boy lightly snore when he got older, it was calming

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