FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

2,051 - 2,060 of 3,920

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work


@Shaz51 wrote:

Husband is getting there @Jynx

He does soo much for me and wants to help me soo much and I let him

So we can support each other


This makes me happy to read @Shaz51 💜

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It's tough when your body's drained of all your get up and go. @Jynx this was me today...I changed the bedding and was like...why is this so hard? I couldn't figure out if the doonah cover was inside out or not and it just took too much energy in the end.

I was invited out today, to watch the footy at my brother's house and my Dad kind of looked at me like I was weird when I told him no, I wanted to stay home and rest. My parents don't believe in rest and get a bit judgey of those who do. They're really hard on my brother's wife, who rests when she needs to. I would get in trouble for being "lazy."

So maybe for me, it's conditioning? But also I'm not comfortable sitting with my thoughts...at all and I know I try to "protect" myself from them by keeping busy and finding jobs to do.

I got this far with it today. I've put it away now.

 

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury I feel like changing bed sheets is like... universally exhausting 🤣 I HATE it!!

I'm glad you stuck to your guns and stayed home!! Can be hard to put in a boundary like that and cop accusations like 'laziness' in return.

I don't actually believe in laziness you know. Or at least, I feel like 99/100 times anyone is accused of laziness, it's actually that they've just got so much more going on under the surface.

Like... if it were laziness, you'd be enjoying yourself.

Yeah being able to be comfy alone with my thoughts is something I've had to work really hard on - it's been pretty intimately tied to my sense of self, like my self-acceptance and stuff. It's odd getting to a point where like, the crappy thoughts still pop up - but WAY less often, and my response to em is different now. If the thought 'ugh I'm so stupid' pops into my head, my reaction to it is no longer 'why am I like this, I should just give up' or whatever, it's now more like 'Hey now, struggling with this doesn't make me stupid, that's a bit mean of you brain. Let's try again.' Takes practice, and first step is to realise that you are NOT your thoughts, merely the observer of them.

Nice progress!! Good to take a break tho hehe. Much on for this evening?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I think you summed it up @Jynx

Like me for example, I spend so much energy at work just trying to be a functional human being and holding onto myself together, and underneath I have so much going on that no one else knows or sees. And sometimes I just need a day where I don't have to do that. Also, a day where it's okay to be exhausted and to not have to rally and push through to meet the expectations of others.

I've had three days this week where I've had multiple meltdowns and lots of tears and have still shown up to work, to supporting 50 grade 5/6 students through the last week of term.

I kind of get the..."why am I like this. There's something wrong with me. I'm broken," thoughts. They are very familiar and very loud and I often need people to remind me that they're not true. Maybe I'll get there one day and be able to remind myself, for myself.

This evening...I've ordered a pizza and started watching a new TV series. So, nothing exciting. Much the same as what I've been doing today.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury once again just wanna express how glad I am that you found this space where you don't have to mask in the same way. Sounds like there's lots of expectations on you. Tricky part, at least for me historically, is figuring out which ones are accurate (e.g. the expectation you will show up to work on time) vs. perceived (e.g. the expectation to be always available because 'we're always on our phones'. But unless a person actually says they expect this of me, then it's just a perception that my mind has assumed about another person which then impacts my behaviour, i.e. by letting myself get exhausted by always texting back straight away even if I don't have the energy).

Do you get many days where no one wants or needs anything from you and you can just be?

Heroic efforts hun 💪

It just takes practice, like any skill. I think one day you will, but there's work to get there, if that makes sense. Like, sometimes, using language like 'one day this will be true' I think can sometimes make it harder to actually engage in the processes and changes that take us to that point in our recovery. Like practising skills. The best time to learn these skills was when we were young. Since we were robbed of that option, the second best time to start is now. You could begin just by practising trying to observe your thoughts instead of immediately identifying with them, if that makes sense. Someone once said to me like, we aren't our thoughts but our reaction to them. Like the first thought is the conditioning, the second thought is more reflective of our truth. Idk if that makes sense but yay for a Jynx ramble ahaha

See you say not that exciting but like,

what kind of pizza?

What tv show?

why that tv show, what does it offer?

😋

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx I get what you mean about figuring out which expectations are real or which are perceived. I know I put a lot of those expectations on myself too. I don't know why, or where they're from.

No, I don't get many days free from them and lately, it's been really frustrating me. I am tired of living up to expectations. I don't know how to express it.

The jynx ramble makes sense, I don't know how to respond to it, but it makes sense.

I had a mushroom pizza, but I wasn't really hungry so I had a couple of pieces and then put it in the fridge for tomorrow. I love mushrooms.

I'm questioning whether it's okay to talk about here...so, I'll just summarise...

I'm watching Wayward. It's a new show on Netflix. It's strange and a little hard to watch. One of the main characters is a transgendered police officer, who has just moved to a weird small town with his pregnant wife. He's trying to figure out what's going on with the town.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury usually a mixture of childhood experiences, messages from parents/teachers/peers/tv and media/plus cultural expectations and norms - it's often a complex tapestry, though some influences might be more intense than others - an overbearing parent with a very authoritative style who demanded a lot for example, or a teacher who pushes us and is always giving ever-moving goal posts for success, stuff like that can have long-lasting impacts on how we interact with the world.

No response needed hun, feel free to just chew on it a bit and you can fling me questions if/when they arise.

Yes me too - mushrooms (when prepared how I like) are divine! Great source of vitamins you don't get in a lot of other places as well! My fav is I think brekky mushrooms - best with the little baby button mushrooms, you literally cook them up with olive oil, fresh garlic, and a teensy dash of soy sauce. With some eggs n bacey and a hash brown? DIVINE.

Yay I learned something new about you! A fungal-friend hehe. See, not boring 😉

That show sounds intense! Take breaks with cartoons maybe? I often do ahahaha.
Anywho the time pixies have stolen from me once again, and I must bid you goodnight! May you find ways to carve out that time for yourself hun, where you can 💜

Night!

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Good night @Jynx I hope the rest of your night treats you well.

I love mushrooms at breakfast time. Mushrooms and hashbrowns are like my favourite breakfast foods. I also like...sometimes when I'm not keen on cooking, but know I need to eat some healthy food...will cook up some mushrooms, zucchini, brocollini and some capsicum in the frypan. Fry it with some butter. Good for any time of the day.

I turned the show off in the end. It was making me feel weird.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury omg yum!! Honestly sometimes the simplest combos are the best, hey!

How's your Sunday going dearie?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hey @Jynx nice to see you.

I went out this morning, to an inter-club practice match for lawn bowls. It was nice to get a little bit of sun, though it's still only about 12/14 degrees here today. The selector informed me that I'll likely be playing in Division 2 instead of their top Premier League Division. I'm home now and attempting to tackle some study.

I'm physically better than yesterday, but my thoughts are louder.

How's your Sunday treating you?

2,051 - 2,060 of 3,920