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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3919 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury omg I found it

lol

That is amazing tho!! Aww could you save some lil videos of them too, to cheer you up if things are dark? Kids are so precious ay 😍

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx I love it!

I have lots of photos of her. I even have videos of her swinging on the clothes line here at home. Beautiful memories and connections.

Can I have an honest moment, a question...share some of those pesky feelings thingys maybe?

I feel...I'm so disappointed in myself. I am letting it all slip and slide and not doing what I should be doing and how I should be doing it...

A little example...I was supposed to call into my parents to bring their garbage bins back up on Thursday after work and I completely forgot. I don't have a grip on things at the moment. It feels very...out of my control and I feel really frustrated and angry at myself.

I put up a post this morning, tagged you in it and deleted it because I went through this whole....I've found this space and these people and now I'm terrified of it disappearing. I don't know how it would disappear but, things and people do and usually it's because I'm too much. And then I was embarrassed because....it was too much.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury aww bless 😍

Hmm you working through the malaise of brain fog perhaps hun? If you have been opening up stuff in this space for the first time, perhaps your mind keeps wandering to those thoughts again, meaning you're less focused on the task at hand/remembering all the tasks/etc? I only ask cos I have been in that space when processing my emotions/traumas and stuff, so I would just gently encourage you to try to be a little more gentle with yourself?

I know it can be frustrating but it's NOT an indication of personal failing by any stretch, just perhaps that you're a bit overwhelmed at the moment. Of course, please do correct me if you think I'm way off!!

Totally understandable fear if in the past, opening up has lost you meaningful relationships. As I said, it's all at your speed. I am glad you deleted it! Means it was too soon, and again you trusted your gut and have done what has felt safest. Good on you. 😊💜

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx my brain has been so so foggy. There's a high chance you're correct. It makes sense. I'm not sure I know how to be gentle with myself. I'm still amazed at how you all encourage people to sit in that space of gentleness with yourself, and how kind and empathetic all the peer support workers are. I'm not used to it. I grew up in almost the opposite environment where there was no time and no patience for it. I just had to get over things and forge onwards regardless. I would get in trouble for being sick...sometimes worse. I just...it's a really different approach.

I don't think you're way off - I feel incredibly overwhelmed. I reached out tonight to my Dad, I have a woodheater and I'm running out of wood and I asked him to contact the man he gets wood from and he was like..."you're an adult, do it yourself." And I'm over here with the whole...just another thing for me to do. I'm in overwhelm and stuck, I think, as Auntglow suggested in the functional freeze mode. Have you ever been there?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury honestly it took a while for me to get to this space, I used to be up to my eyeballs in self-loathing, as internalised from a lifetime of criticism and ostracism. It does feel strange at first, doesn't it?!

Kinda like 'okay... cool they're super nice... wait what's the catch? Or where's the left hook? Something's gotta be up, right?' It takes time to unlearn these things that our brains are telling us are there to keep us safe! Especially if, egads, in trouble for getting sick? Yikes, yeah that is gonna take time to untangle yourself from hun.

Sometimes, gentleness is as simple as saying to yourself 'oh, that was a mean thing I just said to myself. That's okay I will say something nice now.' or like 'oof I have been super hard on myself today... maybe I deserve a lil treat'

Aye, feels like... floating? But not nice floaty happy bliss, more like drifting aimlessly, unable to properly make decisions or engage with things you wanna do. Or like you're watching life through frosted glass kinda. No fun. How long you been stuck in it for did you say?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynxhmm...I don't know if it's floating...it's heavy. I know the things that I have to do, the things that I need to do, but I just can't do them. It's like...the thought comes through..."I need to go into the docs, see whether they're taking new patients because I need to see a gp..." and then like...it's gone. Or "I need to deal with my broken washing machine..." and that becomes...not right now, it's too hard, too much. My eyes, my head...all feel blurry and heavy. I got out in public like I did today and I feel like I'm wading through...fog and I feel so...disconnected and invisible. I had a moment today where I was walking through this busy shopping centre and I was like...I don't even feel like my head's connected to my body right now, my legs are just moving of their own accord.

It's probably been a month on and off. More on than off at the moment.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury aye that's the one... maybe floaty was the wrong word, but definitely the disconnectedness of it all. And then the 'ugh too much effort, don't wanna' is a MOOOOOD.

I try to be forgiving with myself, cos shame tends to keep me stuck. But it can sometimes just be a matter of moving through it day by day, tryna keep aloft, you know tryna brush my teeth at least once a day... and that in itself can get soooo frustrating!

Did something shift or change that's brought it on more intensely do you think?

Also if I stop replying it's cos I've logged off! But we can always pick this up again next time I'm on 😉

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx you finish soon, I just looked at the time.

Those two combined and nothing gets done! And that's when I start to feel like I'm letting everyone down, like I'm failing everyone and failing at every thing and the pressure builds up inside me.

Things had started to slip a little before, but they have gotten worse since moving into my own home. Long story short...and feel free to ask me questions if you like...I had a pretty...horrible year last year and got into a situation that I had to get myself out of and quickly.

Trigger warning: mentions suicidal ideations

Content/trigger warning
Trigger Warning: suicidal ideations

I moved to QLD because I needed to shift and change something in my life, or I wasn't going to survive it.

But, the friend I moved in with wasn't a safe person, wasn't the person I thought they were. I didn't feel safe and I spent 12 months in a constant state of feeling and being triggered, constantly teetering between fight and flight. I forced myself to see out the 12 months. To get myself out, I needed to come home and to come home, I needed a place to live, so I moved in with my parents for eight weeks. There's no space in that house for feeling and processing, no space for stopping and resting, no space for taking a breath.

Now I'm in my own home and I have all of those things around me (space, time, quiet) and I've crashed.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury Hello lovely! I hope you have found some moments of lightness and joy over the weekend so far - would love to hear about them if you have. 🥰

Firstly, I am so proud of you for exploring @Ru-bee's suggestion of Beyond Now. You're right, it really is confronting at first, but you have sat with this discomfort and explored it anyway because you know it will help you work through these more challenging thoughts and feelings - HUGE. I also think it was very brave of you to address this with the SANE counsellor, so that you can work through it together. I hope you're taking note of all of these moments as proof of your courage.

Secondly, I know things like shame, guilt, or disappointment can come up with the idea that we have 'given' into our impulses, but I would really love it if you could practice seeing this as just a part of you who is trying their best to survive in the only way that feels accessible right now. A younger part of you that is afraid and just doing their best to manage incredibly intense emotions on their own. When we can see SI like this, it's a little easier to be compassionate towards ourselves.

Thirdly, I am so glad you have put us down as part of your safety plan - yes! Always here for you. I think for many, a safer way to release emotions and safe connections help so, so much.

Here for you and keen to hear how you're feeling today. ✨

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hello, @AuntGlow

I had a rough day yesterday, but managed to spend some time with my niece. I gave her a birthday present, and got to spend time as she played with it. She's two, and her laughter and smile added some lightness and joy to what was a really challenging day.

Initially reaching out to the SANE counsellor was more desperation and fear than bravery, I think. But then, I spent a lot of the day regretting it. Wanting to take the email back. I don't know how I feel about it - I need to work through it and need support with it, but also...other people knowing makes me feel vulnerable and anxious.

As I was explaining to @Jynx yesterday, I'm not used to being kind to myself, at showing myself gentleness. It's actually really hard for me to do. I'm so hard on myself. I don't know anyone different and it feels odd to try and be kind and gentle with myself. And I don't know if my mind believes it. I'm still struggling with how people here can be so kind and gentle with me.

Today...I feel as if I've made progress on a few things. I've done some housework, I have dinner on in the slow cooker, and I've finished my first assignment. I don't feel like such a failure at life today. I'm now blending in with my couch and trying and failing to relax and watch a movie. The sitting still is hard.

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