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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3919 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hey @NightFury what sort of wood fire do you have? Open fire, pot belly or one with a glass front you can watch the flames?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Till23I have an old wood heater, mounted into a fireplace. It's got a glass front on the door. I can watch the flames.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Oh that's great @NightFury I love watching the flames I find it relaxing

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Till23 wood heating is the best kind of heat. I'm not a fan of the dust, the spiders or the mess from wood heating, but the heat is better than heat pump warmth. In my opinion, anyway.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow how are you? You've probably answered that question a few times tonight - sorry 😕

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you for sharing this with me @NightFury.

This is so beautiful, I am really glad to hear your niece created some space for lightness and joy. 🥰

You know, I am not sure bravery fully exists without fear present - it's what makes the act courageous. You are allowed to be both. I'd also like you to know it is really normal to feel uncomfortable after being vulnerable. (I experience this too!) You are being so open with another human, so of course it is going to feel exposing, and it's natural to want to protect yourself. I would really love to know how they reply, I have no doubt it will be positive and supportive.

Mmm, yes, self-compassion is really hard. Especially if this hasn't been modelled or provided to us. It's okay if this takes time. I think many of us are working on this... @Jynx I would love to hear your favourite method for slowly cultivating more inner kindness.

This is definitely progress, yay! Sitting still is hard, I agree... if there is excess energy in the body right now, are you able to explore some gentle movement tonight? ✨

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow thank you for your beautiful replies.

The ebbs and flows have got me tonight. The ups and downs. I wish I could hold onto the ups for longer.

I will share their reply with you, when I get it. It's the weekend, so it might take them a couple of days. I'm sure it'll be supportive and positive too, it's not that I worry about. As you said, It's hard being vulnerable and dealing with the protective brain.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Drawing @NightFury ! Did you end up using any Art Hub videos for guided drawing with your kiddos?

Also, you mentioned somehwere about your niece. How old is your niece? I live next door to my nieces and nephew - they mean a lot to me. They drive me bonkers, but I still love them.

Hope you have an better week with work and everything else.

As for setting aside protected time, it's totally okay if you haven't. At least you know that idea is there if you feel you need it.

Hugs to you.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme I haven't yet, but we are doing some art and some drawing every now and then. I have started teaching Comic art as an elective a couple of times a week, and I've done some guided drawing using Smiling Minds with them. We only have small pockets of time for art.

My niece turned two last weekend, so she's really young. But she's also really spunky. She will tell you to "go away." She loves Miss Rachel and I was singing a Miss Rachel song to her and she put her hands on her lips, screwed up her nose and was like..."No, my song!" I was like..."okay then!" You are very lucky to live so close to them. I missed her so very much when I lived in QLD last year.

I did some of that today actually. I finished my assignment and then made a good effort of blending into my lounge for the afternoon. I tried to watch a movie but my focus needed more focus! And I have no idea what happened in it.

The hugs are needed, thank you.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury, of course - any time. 💛

That's okay, it's hard not to hold onto bigger emotions, up or down. Allowing emotions to flow without attachment is probably every human's greatest challenge! So, you can definitely allow yourself lots of grace around this.

Absolutely - is there a way you could self-soothe or ground this part of you tonight?

Ooh, also, have you named this more fearful/anxious part of you?🤔

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