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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I hear you... that would have been really disheartening. I am so sorry @NightFury.

Did they give you any helpful feedback at all?

You're allowed to feel whatever you're feeling around this, okay? Something that has been helping me with trust and acceptance around these kinds of things is 'rejection is redirection', and I don't doubt for a second that there is an opportunity even more aligned out there for you.

These are a really big and powerful things to let go of... what would be the first step? 💛

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

They sent me a generic feedback statement @AuntGlow nothing that addresses my personal interview.

I want to be honest about where my brain is going with this...I recognise that it's not particularly recovery focused so hence the trigger warning. I just need some help working with some of these thoughts.

TW:

Content/trigger warning
I've lost my Grandad, I'm losing the house that I live in (both of which were safe spaces for me) and now it feels like I'm losing my future.

I feel like such a failure right now. I've realised over the last couple of days that I have such a hard time functioning without meds in my system - everything is made so much harder, and I struggle with interacting with others and anxiety around those interactions with others. I can't even be a person other people can like, a good person who doesn't put her foot in her mouth and stress out about every single interaction and perceived negative response from others.

And I fail as a teacher, and as someone who can be successful in the career. I don't have the skills, and no one wants me or values me as an educator. Funny thing is, I don't even know if I want to keep teaching but I don't know who or what I am without it. I've tried to do other things and I felt so lost.

I have lots of tears tonight.

I think I took the first step already...I cancelled my last little bit of membership that I had to my old life/spiritual/energetics coach and left his social media pages. My path is finished there so it's time to let go of that.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow I pushed aside my grief for this job interview - telling myself to hold it together, to not fall apart - because I needed to do this, it was so so important for my future.

The interview was the day before my Grandad's funeral and I didn't want to go. But I had to. My grief was heavy and I was scared it would impact my future prospects.

It was so hard and I'm so disappointed.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

You can still be recovery focused and share where you're at @NightFury. 💛

Firstly, I really want you to hear that how you're feeling is perfectly understandable. It would feel incredibly overwhelming to be experience a great sense of loss in so many vital areas at once - your response to this is entirely human.

Secondly, I am hearing that a big part of you may need to grieve this loss fully now that you have the space, so I think that having a really strong support system will be important here - so that you don't have to hold all of your feelings alone. For example, do you need more time off work? A revisit to your GP about medication? More regular therapy sessions?

Something that comes to mind is exploring Griefline's support services and groups, which could be really helpful for you right now: https://griefline.org.au/

Lastly, I know that to your mind right now, it will feel like you have failed somehow, but you haven't. You have worked so hard and we can all see it. Maybe this is an opportunity to sit with what might light you up again? (I know this won't be right now, but in the near future). 🥰

What does your heart really need right now?

PS: We're here with you, okay?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I can't stop the tears @AuntGlow biggest cry in such a long time. I hate crying.

We have two weeks left until school holidays so I really want to try and see this term out. I don't want to take more time off - but I acknowledge the question was..."do you need more time off work," not "do you want more time off work."

I have some more support starting on Monday, counselling through EAP. I can start my new meds next week. And I'll take a look at griefline...maybe not tonight, but tomorrow.

My heart hurts...I feel like I'm breaking right now, but also have a sense that it needs to happen. I need a quiet weekend, taking care of me...no pressure to do anything or go any where, to just let myself be as I am in the moment. But it feels like laziness, it feels like giving in. I'm kind of scared of it too - of the giving in and just being where I'm at.

Right now, I going to jump in the shower.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I know, it can feel like a lot... but I get the sense this is exactly what your body is needing @NightFury.

Okay, I totally get this - if you see through the term, what can you plan that focuses on you and your healing during the break?

I am glad to hear you can turn to EAP and that you can start new meds next week, this is really positive.

You're very intuitive @NightFury. And throughout this time I will keep encouraging you to listen to your inklings (I know that will be tough at first, but it's such an empowering process).

Know that you are allowed to take time to grieve, to slow down, to nurture you - a quiet weekend sounds perfect. Can you do that tomorrow?

I know it feels scary, like you might be relinquishing control or being lazy, but it's what your body is asking for. So really, it's very productive. 😉💛

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow I know a few things that I want to do during the holidays, but I'm not sure if they're all focused on healing.

It's my birthday on the last day of term, so I want to go out for dinner with my family. I would like to try @tyme 's suggestion of a float tank and I might book in for a Reiki session and catch up with my friend who will be back from Scotland then. Also, it's really daggy...but I brought myself a harmonica and I'd like to start teaching myself how to play it. My Grandad played the harmonica. I have his. My Mum gave it to me from when they cleaned out his unit. But I want to keep that just as his, but I'd also like to maybe try to connect with my memories of him through learning to play one for myself.

It's my intention to try and do that for myself tomorrow. I just...don't have anyone to catch me. I have to figure out how to do that for myself.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Is the last day this coming week? I know it's different in each state @NightFury

The kids here in Melb finish on Wed this coming wk.

Flotation tank is good, but if you are not used to being still, book a shorter time first and if you like it, then book it longer next time.

When I did it, I couldn't keep still, but because I had to wait for the session to finish, I made myself be still and then appreciated it eventually.

If you want to leave early, you can, and you don't need to put the lid on if you don't want.

But yes, my skin felt soooo silky smooth after! They gave me vaseline to put over any scratches, and you also have ear plugs.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hey @tyme I hope you're well?

We have two weeks left. We finish on the 26th. I'm slightly jealous to hear that school finishes this week in Melbourne.

Thanks for the tips on the floatation tank! I appreciate it. It's something to think about over the next week or so.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Is your birthday the 26th September @NightFury 🥰

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