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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow I had a better night. No nightmares, which is always a good thing. But for those bad nights, I need to remember to use strategies from my safety plan, like getting up and having a warm shower to help calm my body, or reaching out to a crisis or help line. I don't forget them, but I do manage to convince myself that it's the middle of the night and I have to or it's best that, I go it alone.

This week, I would like to work on being more open to seeing the glimmers. I feel like...I'm not allowing myself to see or to acknowledge the good things that are happening during the day to day. I think this is because, my thoughts are telling me that there is nothing good in my day, or nothing to be positive about. But Grandad wrote in his letter to us that he didn't want his passing to be a sad thing, because he had lived a happy and fulfilled life and he wanted us to do the same.

I was angry at first - how can he write about not feeling sad about his passing? Like he didn't have the right to tell me how to feel. I still have those feelings at times, but I also see how important it is for me to start shifting my brain to see that there are positive and bright things that happen during each day.

At the moment, I have to admit to being a little fearful of waking up each morning because all I see are the heavy things, the things that can and do go wrong in each day. I wake up every day in the mind set of, "well, what hard, sucky thing is going to happen today?" And I need to start to shift that.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hey @NightFury ,

How'd you go today?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

First day back at work went okay @tyme.

The kids loved showing me our finished class puzzle this morning. We've been working on it as a class for about a month/3 weeks. They finished it on Friday while I was away.

 

After work I got an hour or so of study done. I'm feeling pretty anxious and stirred up in my belly tonight, but I'm putting it down to my second day fully off of my meds.

How was your day? How's the sticky notes going?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Awww! @NightFury What a great idea! A class puzzle!

Kids can really make you feel good. We are there for them, so that need helps us in that we have some accountability and HAVE to put on a brave face even when we feel crap.

I know my sister's kids make se feel good. Even when I'm really upset, they cheer me up.

I've been smashing the sticky notes! I got three completed the other night and I felt great about it. By tomorrow, I'll have 4 more sticky notes to deal with, but I feel good about them and feel I can tackle them.

What are your goals for tomorrow?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

My niece does the same thing for me @tyme after Grandad's funeral, I asked my bro if I could pick her up from day care and bring her to the wake. I just wanted to spend some time with her because...she makes me feel loved, she makes me feel better.

It sounds like you've been doing well with the sticky notes. Keep up the good work!!

Tomorrow for me..

- work

- staff meeting

- study

- cook myself a decent dinner

You?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Awwww @NightFury . That's the joy of children. At the same time, I don't think I could love my nibblings the same if I had my own kids. I'm happy being free of kids. I've fostered in the past, and the kids still call me 'mum'. They are teenagers now.

I'm glad you are going easy on yourself with those goals. Setting those achieveable goals can make such a difference - it helps you feel accomplished.

Tomorrow, I've got a meeting in the morning that goes for about 2 hours. I'll then get some more sticky notes done.

Then the evening, I'll be helping out a friend again. I'm staying with her tonight because she's just had surgery and needs someone with her.

I've also got another family friend whose son is having surgery tomorrow. He's got dystonic quadriplegic cerebral palsy. He's in year 9 at school and needs everything done for him. So I hope it all goes well for him.

So yeah... quite a lot is happening.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme you do so much for others! You have a big heart and genuinely care. I have my fingers crossed for both of your friends, surgery can be a big thing. I'm glad they have someone thinking of them, and supporting them.

I thought about fostering, because I genuinely don't want my own kids, but I think I need to get settled in my own life before I can help a little person settle and feel safe.

Honestly, at the moment, I aiming for the every day things and trying not to stretch too far. I think, I just need to look at what's achievable without feeling too much pressure. I need to start looking for the good in my days and acknowledging the successes.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I am so glad to hear you had a better night @NightFury. 🥰

I am also really happy to hear you're turning to your safety plan strategies and helplines when you need them, and yes, it's more than okay for you to need them at night, especially right now.

Your grandad sounds absolutely wonderful. And you will be able to authentically access those glimmers again, it will just take time... it hasn't been that long at all, so please remember to go slow, okay?

What is a glimmer you might like to share with me tonight?

You have really great awareness here @NightFury! What phrase could you come up with to challenge this thought?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It's so important to acknowledge the successes, no matter how great or small. For some, even getting out of bed is HUGE! So it's important to recognise that.

@NightFury

I think I want to foster again. Don't know when, but I reckon I will.

The last kids I had were born in Australia, but the mother was born overseas and came as a refugee. The mother couldn't look after the kids as her eldest son who was still overseas, past away. So I had the kids for about 1 year, and on and off in between.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I've worked with some kids in the foster system as a support worker @tyme and the things that they have had to go through, hits hard. I want to help. I just need to get myself sorted and settled first.

I think my focus needs to be on getting through the day to day, while slowly building up my capacity to see the good things, to allow the good things in. I don't know if that makes sense?

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