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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It resonates @Jynx

I have this voice in my head that tells me, "everyone always leaves," and that I'm not enough, not positive enough, not healed enough. I'm too much for people, and my mental health issues are too much for people. I'm too down, I'm too negative and I'm too hard to be around.

And so, when these thoughts kick in, I go from wanting to withdraw so that the leaving hurts less because I did it - they didn't leave me. But, I'm torn here because...because I need to be here.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury


I have this voice in my head that tells me, "everyone always leaves," and that I'm not enough, not positive enough, not healed enough. I'm too much for people, and my mental health issues are too much for people. I'm too down, I'm too negative and I'm too hard to be around.

Even if all of these things were true (and like, even if I didn't know you, I'd know they weren't true, because they are sweeping generalisations and not true of anyone), it would not mean that you are unworthy or undeserving of connection, care, and kindness.

You don't owe the world positivity, and you don't owe it healing. You get to choose that journey for yourself.

Also, gonna be really frank with ya - that we who struggle with complex mental health are hard to be around sometimes. When I am having a meltdown I am a nightmare. If I am in a stretch of apathy, I am probably gonna bring the mood down.

But I am allowed to. I have trauma to process, I have disabilities to manage, and a very overstimulating world to survive in. We don't owe people positivity because we are simply having appropriate human responses to the adverse experiences that have traumatised us. We are allowed to be a mess because of it.

You aren't exempt from this!! You can be a mess here - and it won't stop this community ever from caring about you 💜

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you for your reply @Jynx thank you for your words.

A few things from it that means a lot...

That it doesn't mean I'm not worthy of connection, care or kindness.

I can acknowledge that I am sometimes hard to be around. But I also have reasons to be. And it's okay to be messy.

And that being messy won't stop people here from caring. Which is why, I need to be here because here is the only place where people see me.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

You're so welcome @NightFury and I am so glad you feel seen here 😊

Also thought this lil meme I found the other day might feel relevant 😉

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I like that meme @Jynx

I might steal it, just to remind me when I need it.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Oh yes please do @NightFury 😁 Definitely one worth remembering!

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

How was your day @Jynx ?

Did you make it to the pet store?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Sure did @NightFury! And alllllmost managed to get my chili started before work lol - I will finish it off during my break 😋

How has your day unfolded? Any whimsy, woe, or what-the-fudge?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Chili @Jynx sounds yummy!

How are the kitties?

I went out for a drive and ended up watching some lawn bowls and chatting to some people. I think I needed the connection. Then, found a stunning beach and went for a walk, followed by shouting myself one of my fave lunches - a satay chicken bowl.

But...I crashed, I got over stimulated and overwhelmed and headachey, so, I come home and I've been having an emotional what the fudge moment.

A lot of people at bowls were talking to me about Grandad and how beautiful a person he was, my Dad doesn't want to do anything for Father's Day tomorrow (he said he just wants to rest) and it makes me sad and teary and I'm pretty sure I'm feeling the withdrawals from the meds.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury or as I call it, Gringo Chili - haha cos it is NOT spicy!!

They are CUTIE PATOOTIES as always! Here took this the other day -

Sounds like a lovely day, and then a crash - which absolutely sucks, but honestly sounds like it's to be expected with the meds/grief, and not to mention how hard it can be to feel isolated on a day like tomorrow. Sounds like the grief in particular is sitting pretty heavy?

I think there's probably a number of forums folks who will be having a rough one tomorrow, so maybe we can make sure there's a thread where anyone who wants to can share the difficult feelings, and know that they won't be shut down for it 💜

What are you doing with yourself this evening?

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