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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

They are gorgeous @Jynx they look so snug, tucked up together.

I'm not up to much tonight. Sitting in my bean bag trying not to cry, next to the wood heater, with a TV show on that I discovered on Stan last night.

Honestly, I've been trying to out run it. I went back to work the day after he passed away, because I didn't want to sit at home and be miserable. I've been sleeping a lot because it's easier than the heaviness. I took yesterday off work so that I can start to process and ended up filling it with a uni assignment and mowing the lawns, today I went out.

I'm home alone tomorrow and it's Father's Day, which has never just been about my Dad, but also about my Grandad and my

Pop. I know I need to be in it, and to let it but...it's heavy.

I think a thread would be good, support and be there for one another. I don't want to be alone in the trenches tomorrow.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx I failed at the trying not to cry thing.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury perhaps it was very needed then hun. Flush away some of the heaviness.

Can I ask, why were you trying not to cry hun?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hugs my @NightFury ❤️

@Jynx

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I...I don't like crying @Jynx

I feel incredibly vulnerable when I cry. And I start to lose my breath and feel panicky.

I especially hate crying in front of people.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @Shaz51 hugs, my friend.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thanks for explaining @NightFury I think we've touched on this before maybe?

Are you feeling ok now or still a bit panicky? If so please feel free to ignore the rest of this post, and we can focus on bringing you back to baseline instead 💜

But yeah that is legit, if you weren't safely held while you cried as a kid (I don't just mean physically held, emotionally mainly), it can take a while to feel safe to just let it all flow as it wants to. Especially if your brain also associates it with feelings of panic, that is really hard.

It's also just generally an incredibly vulnerable state to be in. Plus, it's not exactly normalised as an important part of human emotional functioning and processing in our society - many are ridiculed for their tears and that hurts sooo much.

I hope you know that it is always safe to cry here, and in fact I always encourage it 💜

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Always got hugs at just the right time @Shaz51 - bless you and how much you care 💜

Also sending hugs, to both of you @NightFury

(づᴗ _ᴗ)づ♡

⸜(。˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I got the anxious feels in my belly @Jynx but I'm okay. It's hard for me to talk about why I don't like to cry.

It wasn't safe to cry. I did a lot of silent crying, a lot of hiding it, a lot of waiting until people were asleep and I was alone.

I use my breath to stop the tears from flowing.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury I commend you for the fact that you are here, talking about it with us - sounds like it was really scary and soooo so isolating for you. I'm sorry you went through that, and sorry that it is still impacting you now.

I think most of us who live with CMH have some kind of funky relationship to crying. I cry a LOT, but up until the last few years I was deeply ashamed of that fact, thinking it meant I was weak and incapable. Working on our relationship to our expression of deep emotions is difficult work, and it can be super uncomfortable at times so please take it slow 🤞 You don't have to talk about anything you're not ready to - ever.

Hope that the breathing has helped bring you back to yourself some. I really appreciate how much it can take to share that level of vulnerability with the community - takes a lotta guts 😉💜

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