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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I have lived with big feelings all of my life @AuntGlow and I don't like the feeling that I'm disconnected from them. It doesn't sit well with me. I know, logically, that it's what the meds are supposed to do. But knowing that doesn't make it easier to sit with. It feels...weird and disconcerting and uncomfortable.

But, I also acknowledge that it could be something that's happened to protect me, and may not be because of the meds.

My new psychologist and I talked about a lot of things and I'm not sure that I fully took it all in, to be honest. We talked about the meds and that maybe I need to ask for a med review. I need to find something that let's me sit in the middle - between helping with my anxiety and being able to connect with my feelings.

We talked about the potential of an ADHD/Autism assessment and she had me fill out some screeners. We discussed how understanding that and knowing my 'type' will help me to use strategies that are right for me and for my needs. @Jynx

We talked a little about acceptance - accepting that the anxiety will always be there, because it's a normal human emotion that everyone feels at some point.

Yeah, I would be comfortable with that. I think that's really important for me to be able to do - reconnect with myself.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Less than half an hour till my GP appointment @AuntGlow. I'm feeling anxious about getting the results of my blood tests and 24 hour heart rate monitor. I've had enough challenges lately.

Thought, I'd pass the time and grab a cuppa and a donut.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

OMG YUM!!! @NightFury

I had a coffee and portugese tart this morning, so good.

I understand this fear - here with you. Will reply to the rest of your comment soon. 🥰

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

How did your appointment go @NightFury? ☺️

I completely get this feeling, I felt the same when I started my medication too. When you're used to feeling lots, being numb can feel really scary.

Your psychologist sounds so supportive and wonderful. How does the idea of accepting your anxiety feel for you?

Can you notice when things feel even slightly less numb? Those moments may be clues into feeling a little bit more again. 💛

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Sorry to not be here last night to reply @AuntGlow

My GP appointment went okay, I guess. My heart is fine - the funny feelings and the racing heart beat are most likely anxiety symptoms. My iron is high and my platelets low, so I have to have more blood tests, this time testing for haemochromatosis.

Because my heart is fine, we're changing meds and she's putting me on a higher dose. So, I start tapering off the ones I'm on today, then in a couple of weeks I start the new meds.

Accepting my anxiety is a challenging concept. Somedays, I sit in the space of acceptance - more so since coming to the forums and starting to understand that the aim isn't really to cure all, but to learn to live a happy and fulfilled life with or without symptoms. But some days, I just want it to stop.

I can notice moments of feeling less numb, AuntGlow. And they catch me off guard a little because it's normally when I'm not paying attention.

The grief got heavy and hard last night, and it feels heavy and hard this morning, so a day of trying to be gentle with myself might be on the cards.

@tyme @Jynx

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

My Mum gave me a harmonica that was my Grandad's.

A friend of the family posted a video of my Grandad playing his squeezbox (accordian) and I keep watching it over and over again because it shows him smiling.

We had to find photos for his funeral and the memories have started to hit and hit hard.

I miss his smile and his light.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hello @NightFury,

That's so okay!!

This is definitely reassuring, but I understand how overwhelming those anxiety-induced symptoms can be...

How are you feeling about the medicine change?

This is a beautiful reflection. 💛

Wanting it to stop is valid, those feelings are allowed to be there, nestled amongst acceptance.

Ah, it's interesting that when you're not focused on numbness, feelings come up.

Being gentle with yourself throughout grief is so, so important.

I read what you shared about your grandfather... big hugs. He sounds like he made you feel so happy and full, what a beautiful energy. 🥺❤️

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @AuntGlow hope you've had a good day?

I'm a little nervous about the medication change. I've reduced my dose today and I can feel the difference already. I don't know if it's all in my head - but I feel like I can feel it.

Today's been tough, grief got me good and I've had some anxiety and physically I feel headachey and flat.

All I've managed to do today was go to work. Since I've been home, I haven't really achieved anything.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I have, thank you. @NightFury

You might be able to feel something and that's okay - you're safe. 💛

It could also be anxiety-brain (mine does the same) and again - you're safe. ☺️

That must feel really heavy... 😔

My friend, that is all you need to do right now. I won't let you be hard on yourself this week, okay?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Okay @AuntGlow

I think it's anxiety brain. What happens if I crash, AuntGlow?

I'm hoping that with the med change, I can meet myself somewhere in the middle. Somewhere I can still feel my emotions, but it helps me to manage my anxiety symptoms. And also something that has less of an impact on my sleep. We'll have to wait and see though.

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